The Quiet and Strong Podcast, Especially for Introverts

Ep 62 - Podcasting, Life Coaching, and Interior Design, with Kristy Vail, especially for Introverts and Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

March 21, 2022 David Hall, M.Ed.
The Quiet and Strong Podcast, Especially for Introverts
Ep 62 - Podcasting, Life Coaching, and Interior Design, with Kristy Vail, especially for Introverts and Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
Show Notes Transcript

Are you an introvert or highly sensitive person who sometimes feels like you don't quite fit in with the mainstream world?

Kristy Vail specializes in helping introverts and highly sensitive people create more alignment in our lives.

In this episode, she discusses the challenges and gifts of being an introvert and offers tips for creating more harmony in your personal life and the home environment through mindset coaching and her podcast. She also utilizes her experience in interior design to help introverts create spaces that are conducive to their personality and lifestyle.  Listen now to learn how to thrive as an introvert!
 
Kristy Vail is a Certified Life Coach, M.C.L.C, Podcast Host, and Interior Designer, D.I.D

Guest: Kristy Vail

Contact Kristy:
Website:
https://kristyvailstudio.com/
LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristyvailstudio/
Instagram: 
https://www.instagram.com/kristyvailstudio/

Books mentioned in this episode:

Susan Cain - Quiet
Elaine Aron - The Highly Sensitive Person
Marcus Buckingham - Love and Work

- - -

Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

quietandstrong.com
Gobio.link/quietandstrong
david [at] quietandstrong.com

Take the FREE Personality Assessment:

Typefinder Personality Assessment

Follow David on your favorite social platform:

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Get David's book:
Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts

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Kristy Vail [00:00:00]:

The people that come to me, they usually have a gap that they're working with. So maybe they're in a career situation where they're noticing that they have some things that are getting in the way of them feeling more confident in their workplace. Or sometimes people come to me and they want to feel more comfortable in their relationships. And a lot of these things are stemmed to introversion and people not really feeling comfortable enough to embrace those traits.

David Hall [00:00:37]:

Hello and welcome to the Quiet and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts. I am your host David Hall and the creator of Quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced normally. We'll air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform, leave a review, tell a friend, help get the word out there. Kristy Vail is a certified Life coach and interior designer. Kristy specializes in helping introverts and highly sensitive people create more alignment in their personal lives and home environments through Mindset coaching and interior design consulting. Kristyis also the host of the podcast Connected with Kristy Vail, which has been featured multiple times on the itunes New and Noteworthy list. This show focuses on conscious conversations about meaningful work, personal growth, and intentional living for introverted and highly sensitive individuals. All right, I'm very excited for my guest, Kristy Vail. Welcome to the quiet and strong podcast.

Kristy Vail [00:01:44]:

Kristy thank you. I'm so happy to be here.

David Hall [00:01:48]:

All right, so Kristy is also a fellow podcast host, so I enjoy her podcast and she puts out some great content on Instagram and we will get into all first. Kristy, you know I always like to start. Tell us about yourself and, your know, you're an introvert and a highly sensitive person, and now you're a podcast host and a life coach. So tell us about how that all came to be.

Kristy Vail [00:02:12]:

Yeah. Oh man. It's always funny on where to start these things, but I think that in my twenty s, I started to kind of naturally fall into personal development in the sense of I started to hear Ted Talks and started to actually get into podcasts a long time ago. I've probably been listening for about ten years now. And I started to actually learn about introverts, which I don't think that was even like a term that I had known about in high school. And I know some of your guests have shared this, too, but Susan Kane's Ted Talk was a huge game changer for me because there's, like, one part in the Ted Talk where she's talking about going to summer camp and being this cheering really loud and just kind of the dread that I could feel when she was sharing about that story. I started to connect all these dots to things that felt really hard as a kid, even in high school. I remember it felt so ideal to be like the cheerleader type, but every time I put myself in those dynamics, I felt so uncomfortable and just not like myself. And it also really drained my energy, which I've now really realized is something that's so important for me to pay attention to. I'm like a lover of getting out of my comfort zone, but I think sometimes it's about finding that balance of does this drain your energy or does it feel a little bit scary? But it's kind of exciting. So, anyways, I started to just kind of go down this rabbit hole. And then I think kind of soon after I learned about Susan Kane, I started to learn about Dr. Elaine Aaron, who coined the term highly sensitive person. And that was just like this other light bulb moment where I'm like, oh, my gosh, this makes so much sense. I was always a really big feeler. And introverts, I think these days, statistically, introverts are kind of half the population. Highly sensitive people are still a lot smaller. My understanding is we're about 15% to 20%. I'm not really sure where that number stands today. But anyways, so kind of the common thread was I felt different than other people, and it made sense because I typically fell into a smaller bracket of the population. But, yeah, from there, the more I started to learn about these things, I just instantly felt more comfortable and confident in myself because I knew that these weren't weaknesses, they weren't something I had to change, and everything just started to make sense. So for me, that was really a big part of my story. And then I just continue to learn more and evolve and really understand these personality traits and how I can work with them, and it's made such a huge change to my life.

David Hall [00:05:29]:

Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, you're right. Almost every guest has mentioned Susan Kane and her Ted Talk and her book Quiet, of course, were very instrumental for most of us embracing our introversion. Of course, there's a lot of other great books out there, too, and other content and things. And then with being Highly sensitive. Yeah. Elaine Aaron. That's the book. Your numbers are good. About half the population are introverts and then the highly sensitive. Yeah, I've heard the same thing, like 15, 20%. And I always want to make clear, too, that introverts or extroverts can be highly sensitive. I think out of those numbers, the numbers are slightly higher for introverts, or maybe more than that. But I like what you said. They're not weaknesses, they're gifts. And you just have to learn about that. And that's why we do the work we do. Kristy right. They're not going to change for us, but they can be embraced, and we really can find peace, happiness, success, energy, all of that good stuff when we understand who we are and then the gifts that we have.

Kristy Vail [00:06:46]:

Totally.

David Hall [00:06:48]:

How did you embrace it? What are things that yeah, this is who I am. What were some things that helped you after you discovered about introversion and being highly sensitive?

Kristy Vail [00:07:00]:

Yeah, I love that you use the word embrace often on your podcast. When I think of the word embrace, it's this feeling of softening into something. And I think that when you're doing the opposite, I'm making like a fist right now. It's like you're trying so hard to fit into something. And so I noticed I just kind of constantly had that feeling when I was in the wrong places or trying to make the wrong things work for me. So as I started to learn more about introversion, highly sensitive, and the traits that go along with it, I started to be more intentional about my lifestyle. And I'll give you a couple of examples. I tend to be a person that likes to be busier, but I noticed that I would have my calendar way too full. And so after working a full time job, I would be socializing. After work, I had like 20 weekend plans. It was always just back to back to back. And I started to be a little bit more mindful about my schedule, which actually came with saying no to a lot of things. I was starting to say no to more social events, and I noticed that when I was prioritizing just a little bit more white space in my life, I naturally felt a little bit more calm. And then I just started to slowly build on these intentional decisions. And I see this a lot with my clients. I think sometimes when we've been doing something for so long, for one, it takes a lot of slowing down and intentionality to understand, is this actually working for me? Do I need to make some shifts here? And then it's the courage to implement those. I think it can feel kind of scary sometimes to either say no to things or to step away from people sometimes and circumstances that you don't feel good about yourself in. So, yeah, for me that was really the journey, being more intentional with the new information I had and then having the courage to actually take those steps. What's that amazing quote? It's like learning is only powerful when you implement it. That's the concept. But I can't remember the actual quote. But do you know what I'm saying?

David Hall [00:09:29]:

Yeah, absolutely. We can become aware, but a lot of times that's where people stop and it's actually making those changes. That sounds very similar to what I found, is you have to make your day and your week, your life work for you and not what somebody else life looks like.

Kristy Vail [00:09:52]:

Yeah, totally.

David Hall [00:09:55]:

And I think that was a big thing for me. Like we were talking about before the show, I wrote my first book because when I was discovering I was an introvert, I also realized I was a busy person. And I was studying time management. And I'm like, there's some things about being an introvert that I need to put into my life. We do need a break from time to time. We do need to recharge or we need some quiet time. Not even necessarily to recharge it, but just to think and do some work and have some space. And so that is all very important.

Kristy Vail [00:10:31]:

Yeah, that's so true. And it's just so interesting because the more that you know about this, the more you can experiment and try these things, whether it's giving yourself total focus at work to do a project and just, again, seeing are you getting better results and do things feel easier? I've just noticed that the more I'm implementing this, even at first, if it feels uncomfortable in the long term, it's made my life so much easier. And it's the nicest, most peaceful feeling just to feel like you're in harmony with these traits that are so natural for you.

David Hall [00:11:09]:

Absolutely. And I've really been looking forward to our conversation. You probably have your own routine and ritual around your podcast, but I absolutely have to have some free time before so I get in the right frame of mind. Again, I've been looking forward to it, but I can't just jump in. I need to have some space to prepare, to get ready for the show. And there's many things like that, different activities where you have to think, what do I need to prepare? Or what time do I need after this thing? And there's so many things like that that if you can learn about yourself, things are so much better.

Kristy Vail [00:11:54]:

Okay, let me ask you, David, what does it look like for you to prepare? What did this morning look like for you? I'm just curious because I do something similar.

David Hall [00:12:05]:

Okay. That's what I get for interviewing a podcast host.

Kristy Vail [00:12:08]:

Yeah. Back on you.

David Hall [00:12:10]:

Yeah. I need to make sure everything's set up and I don't ever want to be rushed. That's too stressful, honestly. I might look at your content just to kind of remember who you are. So I looked at some posts that you had put out, maybe I had read them before, maybe not. And just really being ready, not rushing around, that's really important to me.

Kristy Vail [00:12:41]:

Love that I do something so similar, of kind of getting the feel of the person's energy and putting myself in that headspace as I'm approaching the conversation. So I love that.

David Hall [00:12:52]:

Yeah. So again, we'll both say that introversion comes with many gifts and strengths. What's a strength of yours from introversion or being highly sensitive or both.

Kristy Vail [00:13:06]:

Yeah, I think that one thing I've really learned is a strength for me, and it's it's probably something that comes natural, but it's also something that I really enjoy building on, is facilitating meaningful conversations. I really have developed this trust in myself that with the right people, because it doesn't always happen, it's not always going to be the most meaningful conversation, but I will say those come really naturally to me. And I think it's because as a highly sensitive person and an introvert and probably many other parts of who I am, I'm naturally really interested in other people. And so for me, yeah, I love meaningful conversations, I love getting to know people, I love talking to people like you, and it just energizes me so much. So I'd say that's one of my favorite strengths.

David Hall [00:14:04]:

Absolutely. And definitely on this show, we bust myths here about introversion. Part of this, along with your strength, is I love what you said because I don't like when people generalize and say introverts are drained by people. And I say, Well, I can be drained by certain people at certain situations, but I can also absolutely be energized by people, like, right now. And yes, we need people we like, people we like to connect with people. So that's a big myth right there. But like you said, part of your gift is being able to have meaningful conversations and facilitate those and help those to happen. And that's amazing. But again, strength and busting a myth right there too.

Kristy Vail [00:15:00]:

That's so true.

David Hall [00:15:02]:

And the other thing is half the population, and I think that probably comes up in most of my podcasts too, that introverts are half the population, like you mentioned, so we're not all the same. So in working with clients, what other strengths do you see that maybe are different than yours as far as being an introvert?

Kristy Vail [00:15:20]:

Oh, that's different than mine? Yeah, I think how I want to answer that is, again, I love getting to know people. And so it's been so amazing to work with so many introverts that have completely different cultural backgrounds than me or different experiences in their life that inform who they are. And so I think it's been really cool to see their strengths. And so whether it's how they uniquely connect with people or you're the Myers Briggs guy, but I tend to work with a lot of INFJs, and I'm also an INFJ, and so I'm always really lit up by helping my clients realize these strengths, of creating really unique solutions, and they don't even realize they're doing it. And I'm like, that's so cool that you have put this into place or that you helped this person come up with this solution. And for them, it's so natural. So, yeah, it's always really fun to really highlight people's strengths and kind of be able to shine a light on that because sometimes we're so close to it and it feels so natural for us, but when someone reflects that back to us, it can really be really empowering.

David Hall [00:16:46]:

Yeah, absolutely. And we all have our own strengths, and sometimes we can't even see our own, and there's too much of a one size fits all approach to things that work in other aspects of our life. And really it takes all of us. And that's one thing I do like about the Myers Briggs, is it does separate. It's a tool. I mean, again, 50% of the population, we're not all the same, but it helps us to see. It gives us some things like we're similar, I'm an INTJ. And so you're definitely feeling more versus thinking. But again, everybody thinks, everybody feels, but it's just where's that emphasis and where's our gifts? Kind of thing.

Kristy Vail [00:17:34]:

Yeah.

David Hall [00:17:35]:

Is there any other myth that you want to bust today about introversion?

Kristy Vail [00:17:40]:

Yeah. So do you know Adam Grant?

David Hall [00:17:45]:

Yes.

Kristy Vail [00:17:46]:

So, for the listeners, in case anyone doesn't know, I think he's an occupational psychologist. Is that right?

David Hall [00:17:52]:

That sounds right.

Kristy Vail [00:17:54]:

Okay, so he wrote a book recently called Think Again. Anyways, absolutely amazing work, really interesting research and something that I see as a myth, I've seen it with my clients, I've experienced myself is sometimes this pressure that we feel to have the answers on the spot. And so actually, a lot of people come to me and they'll talk about the fear of, like, what if I'm in a meeting and my boss asked me for this? Or what if there's this window and I miss the opportunity to share the ideas? There is this sense of urgency, and I think it's a huge myth to think that the people that are first to speak have the best ideas. And so what I really like to help people realize is actually your thoughtfulness and your ability to process and take in other informations and be discerning in what ideas you bring to the table is so huge, and I think that's a huge introvert quality and a strength. And so I just feel that it's such a myth when we put so much emphasis on those quick ideas and the people that always have the answers. And yeah, Adam Grant's done a lot of research on this, and again, it's been something I've always felt to be true, but it's also really interesting to have the research to back it up, to be like, oh, my gosh, those aren't the people that are seen as the most confident or competent. I think also on that note, too, being able to share your ideas in a succinct way, I think is like a skill that I know has developed my confidence a lot. And so being thoughtful, allowing myself time to process, and then knowing the most powerful and confident way to share ideas. So that's kind of a myth that I like to bust.

David Hall [00:19:50]:

Oh, man, that's one of the biggest keys right there. We are deep thinkers, and that means we have some great ideas.

Kristy Vail [00:20:01]:

Yeah.

David Hall [00:20:01]:

And just the way that we process and need time to think about it, it can be dismissed and discounted that we don't have great ideas. But again, this probably comes up just about every time, too. But introverts, we think, and then we speak, and a lot of times we're putting together our best ideas and saying what's most important, and we're as extroverts, and again, never bashing extroverts, but they speak in order to think, and it's just a different style of communication. And if you don't understand that, you can definitely feel like your ideas are dismissed. But if you can learn to get your ideas out there, some of that comes with preparation before the meeting, totally do your research. What do I need to know about this and not be in a new situation? And I'll say this too. A lot of times it's like, we do need time to think. If it's something that we've thought about a lot, we might not need as much. Like what we're talking about today. We both are very comfortable talking about introversion. We could probably talk all day. So the story behind quiet and strong. Yeah, I was in a strengths quest training. It's called Clifton strengths now. And it was like a three day thing, so I was being trained to basically be a you know, I thought I was participating. After after the three days, the facilitator came up to me, and it was a compliment. She was saying, you're quiet and strong. So she said, when you speak, people listen. And what she was saying is exactly what we're talking about, is that I wasn't talking nonstop, but I was giving very thoughtful responses because I was thinking about them, and that really stuck. And so the quiet part, again, it's not being shy. It's being thoughtful. And so that really stuck with me. So I love what you said. It's like, yeah, we really need to think. And I think some of the best ideas come with time. Sometimes you and I, we're going to come up with quick responses and quick ideas. But totally. As I look at some decisions I've made over the years, and I think about, if I hadn't taken my time with this, it probably wouldn't have gone as well. Again, it just depends. And I don't want people to think, oh, you always need lots of time. No. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

Kristy Vail [00:22:42]:

Totally. And I think that this is such an important thing, and I really think about the word discernment a lot in terms of any advice that I either share on my show or thoughts that I have, or I think it's always so harmful to do absolutes. Like, this applies to all. I feel like we're just so far past that. I think there's definitely things that are universal, but we all connect to it in different ways. So I totally hear you on that, and it makes so much sense.

David Hall [00:23:19]:

Yeah, absolutely. So let's talk about tell us about your podcast connected with Kristy Vail.

Kristy Vail [00:23:26]:

So, yeah, it's really funny. As I shared at the beginning, I have been listening to podcasts for oh, my gosh. Yeah. Probably ten years, maybe slightly less. I started with, I think cereal was the first podcast I listened to. So I am like a true crime investigative junkie. And again, this was also a part of me understanding my introversion and I realized that it was so enjoyable for me to have alone time and listen to podcasts. So as I was continuing my personal growth journey and just really learning more about myself and making these lifestyle changes, I ended up getting to a point about four years ago, maybe. Yeah, actually just over three years ago. And I had been thinking about launching a podcast myself and sharing some of the things that I had been learning and some of the changes that I made that really made my life so much easier and more meaningful. And I started to share this on the podcast. So yeah, I launched it and I started talking about how certain things would feel so hard in my childhood. And now that I've made these changes, things started to make more sense and I started to naturally feel more comfortable and not that I was doing anything wrong, it's that my approach to life and how I internalize things is a little bit different than a lot of the people that I was spending time with. So, yeah, the podcast is a mix of solo episodes where I touch on a lot of common themes that I see with coaching clients or experience in my own life. I really love being a guinea pig and kind of giving people a deep understanding of specific examples. Because, again, even though my specific example might not apply directly to someone in the same way, I think that we all have these universal similarities. And when we can connect to someone's specific story, it gives us sometimes inspiration or ideas that we can apply into our own life. And then, much like your show, I also interview other people who sometimes they're introverted. People sometimes identify as highly sensitive, but it's the people that are also doing meaningful work in the world. So we go deep into that because I think that that's also important for a lot of introverts to do meaningful work. So it's always fun to talk about how someone got to where they are today and how they've been able to define their own version of success in a unique way.

David Hall [00:26:12]:

Yeah, meaningful work, that's what it's all about. And I feel the same. And so let's talk about your meaningful work. So now you're a life coach. Tell us about the coaching work you do.

Kristy Vail [00:26:25]:

Yeah, thank you for asking. So when I launched my podcast, I started to get a lot of people reaching out, saying things like, oh my gosh, I've never heard someone talk so in depth about this. I feel like you're speaking directly to me and I started to just have a lot of people say, oh my gosh, this is so me. This is definitely something that I struggle with. I feel like you're a little bit further along on this. And so I was working with a business coach at that time and she really encouraged me. She's like, you know what, why don't you just try it on and see how it feels to be working with people? You're someone that has clearly done a lot of personal growth work. You're also really good at listening to people and being able to hold that space, which I know that you coach yourself too. And I think that that's like a really big part of it is not so much jumping in and advising, but just like sitting with someone. I've seen so much power in that over the years of it's not about the value that I bring as a coach. It's really about holding the space and helping someone unpack their own value. So that's really what my coaching is about. And the people that come to me, they usually have a gap that they're working with. So maybe they're in a career situation where they're noticing that they have some things that are getting in the way of them feeling more confident in their workplace. Or sometimes people come to me and they want to feel more comfortable in their relationships. And a lot of these things are stemmed to introversion and people not really feeling comfortable enough to embrace those traits. So for one, I do a lot of holding space, reflecting back and helping people, working in a collaborative way so people can come up with solutions that feel good for their situation. And from there, once people start to make those changes, their life really starts to evolve and things feel different, they feel easier. That's a lot of the work that I do in coaching. And yeah, it's incredibly meaningful.

David Hall [00:28:41]:

Yeah, and I love that because there's too many people that think that as a coach, you're going to fix somebody, right? But I love how you put it. That's not how it works. That's not where our growth comes from. You're helping them by, as you put it, holding space. And there's a lot of misconceptions around that too, like, what's it going to take to make changes. And yeah, I love how you describe your coaching work.

Kristy Vail [00:29:06]:

Thanks. Well, and you know what? I'll be totally honest, it has been such a process for me. Actually, I was joking with a friend recently. I feel like I'm kind of almost like on the other side of a coaching cult. And I say that because I think that in any industry, there's people that are doing work that's in their own integrity, that's really service based. And I think in the coaching industry, there's also a lot of ego involved, there's a lot of advising in the sense that I know what's best for you and this is what you need to do. And over the years, I've really been able to settle into, oh, my gosh, coaching is not about me. It's about the client. And it needs to be client focused. And so, yeah, it's actually been for the last couple of years, it's been a lot of processing what I learned in the coaching industry and letting a lot of it go. And I recently took a certification program, and I was so lit up by it. Not only was the curriculum amazing, the discussions in between the training was just so deep and meaningful, and these were people that were so the real deal. Like, conversations like, you and I are having that. Again, it's not about this fixer of the value is, like, being able to provide the right solutions or knowing the right thing to say. The client brings the value. And every time I think of that or write that down, it puts me in a place where I'm the observer. I'm just helping them unpack the value. And that has been such a game changer in my coaching practice, actually. Yeah. I just wanted to touch on that because I actually think there's some harmful things in the coaching industry, and it's a learning process for all of us to facilitate in a really good way.

David Hall [00:31:05]:

Yeah, again, that's amazing. And it's the facilitation I see that outside of coaching, too, where it's really people need to understand their strengths. And I can't tell somebody else, this is how you should do things, but I can help them figure out the best way. I'm a big Marcus Buckingham fan. Are you familiar with he? He with the strengths quest work. He did that with Donald Clifton many years ago. Anyway, he's got a new book out. It's not out yet, but it's called Love and Work. And he said something so I'm attending a series of webinars with that, like, anticipating the book coming out, and he said, really? It's about, okay, well, what are the outcomes and how do you get there? But how do you get there as an individual? Or if you're working with if you're supervising someone, how do you get there? Not, here's how you have to do it, but here's what we need. But then how do you use your strengths to get to that place? And that's it. I can't tell you how to do things your best way, but I can help you figure out you come to that. Like, what is your best way? So. Yeah, I love that.

Kristy Vail [00:32:37]:

Yeah. And I think that really shows a sign of a great leader, of knowing that people learn and make moves in different ways. And this one size fits all, like you mentioned in the beginning, it's harmful for people, because, again, I know as an introvert, a highly sensitive person, it was proudly and recently diagnosed with ADHD. I know myself that what works for other people has not worked for me. And so how can we work with people so they understand what works for them, not assigning them something that works for you? I think that's something. That has been a huge shift for me, and it's really informed the way that I work with people.

David Hall [00:33:27]:

Yeah, exactly. So before you did all this, you were interior designer, and you still are, of course.

Kristy Vail [00:33:35]:

Yeah.

David Hall [00:33:37]:

I'm very interested in how that plays into the work that you're doing now. And I know that it does somewhat, and you can definitely talk about that, but our physical environments are so important to our personality as well. So how do our physical environments impact our well being as introverts or highly sensitive people?

Kristy Vail [00:34:00]:

Oh, my gosh, it's so huge. And so just to kind of start, because I think when people hear, it's funny. I met someone the other day who had a very different personality type than me, and I think they were like, so you're an interior designer and a life coach. And they were just kind of like, this person seems all over the place, which is totally fine at first it might seem like that, but there's actually so much of an overlap. So for me, I was like the kid that was always moving things around in my room, like putting up a new collage, making art projects out of dance costumes. I just was always doing things in my space to make it feel better. And so right out of high school, I actually went to interior design school. I specialized in residential interior design, and I also did some commercial work. And I really started to notice that our spaces have such a psychological impact on our well being. And so you can feel that you can go into a space, whether it's a public space or someone's home, and you might actually feel unsafe. And so we're constantly taking in the stimulation of our environments. And so I think kind of going back to what I shared when I started to learn about introversion, it's so important to be intentional about the spaces that we're in. And especially when you have control of your home environment, whatever that looks like, maybe you live with a family or roommates or whatever your living situation is. I think that if you can have some level of control of, okay, an ownership of this is my area, how can I make this feel the best for me? It's a huge part in how we recharge as introverts and same as a highly sensitive person, again, stimulation. So it's funny because I really realized that when I controlled my clutter, I felt so much better. And so probably about ten years ago, I started to just get in the habit of making my bed every day. And again, the psychological impact it had every single day of kind of just feeling more put together, having things feel visually good, checking something off, like doing a small accomplishment. I started to just notice all these little things about our spaces. My work today as an interior designer, I mostly just do consulting with people, and it's kind of funny. I was sharing with you before we hit record that I don't always force them together. It's not like I'm like, okay, we're going to do some interior design work now and here's some coaching. It's really organic and so if someone comes to me and they want help with their space, oftentimes they'll have either like a space planning challenge or I have a lot of people that have bought places and they have some things but it's feeling either too bare or it's not feeling cohesive. So we'll work on solutions that they can implement to start to kind of warm up this space. But it's funny with that because I'm always taking a coaching approach in the sense I'm identifying the gap in where they are now in their home and where they want to be and we're working collaboratively for them to implement solutions that are going to work for them. And then it's funny with coaching clients, again, it's not like, okay, now today we're going to talk about your home environment. But again, our environments impact us so much. And so I see a lot of introverted clients that when they were going into the office they were constantly feeling overwhelmed or they were not always getting the best work done because they weren't able to focus because they were constantly being interrupted by people that wanted to talk. And so it's also about being mindful of your surroundings and sometimes that's setting boundaries with people in your home or in your workplace. So the overlap is just so huge. And kind of on a final note of that, I also think we're so impacted by the aesthetic and so I really love to encourage people to create a space that feels good for you. So whether it's having visuals that make you feel really happy and then also balancing that with some white space, don't be afraid to have some walls in your house feel bare, especially if you haven't found that right piece of art or maybe it's even a sliver of wall, don't feel the need to fill it. Like sometimes we need that white space and might feel right one day to put something there or it might just be something that you don't need to have there. So that's my ramble on design and.

David Hall [00:38:57]:

Our spaces, I love it. And again, it's not always going to be a factor in the coaching work that you do, but our spaces and our personalities, it's so important. And I was sharing with you before the show too, that I started working from home two years ago, like a lot of people and thought it was very temporary situation. At the time I had a house full, there was five of us here and it wasn't it was kind of stressful time for everybody and it wasn't that great. But at the same time I realized I was thinking that it was going to be a short term thing and now here I am two years later, where I'm going into the office some days, but I'm still in my same space, and I need to improve it a little bit. And it's the way it looks like you were saying. It's the aesthetics of it all, but it's also, can I focus? Can I have that quiet time when I need it? And it's a lot of setting boundaries with the Pandemic. People think, well, introverts are having a great time. This is good. But what did their home environment look like? Did they have a house full or did they have nice and quiet or sometimes I know one introvert in particular that had too much quiet time and that was really hard for her. So it's really you got to think about, what do I need and how can I get that? What boundaries do I have to set with other people? What physical changes can I make? And it's all very important to our well being, for sure.

Kristy Vail [00:40:39]:

Yeah. And like you said, everyone's situation is so different, and so I think it's always really funny, the blanket statements of, like, oh, introverts are thriving right now, and it's like, yeah, some of them are, and some extroverts are threatening. It's so unique to everyone. But, yeah, there are some people that, like you said, you had your whole family at home. I can't even imagine. And so for me, my actually kind of work life, I guess, didn't really look that different. My husband has to go, and he's an essential worker, and I've worked from home for years, and so it actually didn't really feel that different for me. But I know for so many people, they're taking Zoom meetings, and there are other people that need to be in the house or they're also having to teach their kids, oh, my gosh, people have been thrown so much in the last couple of years. But I think it is important to be able to if you can find something to help, you be able to, I think, thrive sometimes feels a little bit lofty, but again, make your work situation easier or more productive. It's good to experiment with those things.

David Hall [00:41:55]:

Yeah, absolutely. You said Zoom meetings, and I just think I try to use headphones so I don't bother the family, but they hear me no matter what. My wife has always worked from home, so we've all been kind of in her space, and so that's definitely been an adjustment for us all.

Kristy Vail [00:42:15]:

Yeah.

David Hall [00:42:17]:

So with the coaching or with people's spaces, how do introverts that aren't confident? Because some are very confident and always have been, but how do introverts gain confidence? How do you see that happening?

Kristy Vail [00:42:35]:

Yeah. And I'm sure you could relate to this and the work that you've done. I think the self discovery process of introverts is, again, it's this evolving process. It's not one strategy that's going to make you feel more confident overnight, it's sometimes a slow game. And I think that even having that awareness that, oh, this is like a process can be really empowering for people. And again, it takes off that pressure to feel like, oh my gosh, when I get there, I'm going to be so confident. People are going to see me as confident. No, it's like this ever evolving process. I think that there's no day where I'm ever going to feel 100% confident, but it's being able to really tap into that self confidence. And I have this on my website. It's this quote that I found years ago when I was doing some research on confidence. And kind of to go back to that is, I think, especially for business owners, we're always looking for what's our niche? Who are we speaking to? And I started to notice, for one, the personality type of the people that were coming to me. The traits were highly sensitive and introverted traits. And I would also notice in the intake form that the biggest thing that people struggled with was confidence. And so I started to just very ADHD of me go hyper focused onto confidence and learning more about that and what does that look like for people? And I found this amazing definition that says self confidence is that quiet inner knowing that you are always capable. And it just was such a light bulb moment for me because I think when I even look back to my own life, and when I think of client examples, when we don't feel confident, we don't feel capable. And so I remember when I would have that self hesitation or feeling like, oh, you can't handle this, I would really play small, and I would shy away from things that could potentially be really huge opportunities for me, or whether it was career opportunities or opportunities to connect with someone deeper. I would shy away from them because I didn't have that self confidence that I was capable of. If something didn't go perfect or if I felt uncomfortable, how would I hold myself? And so, yeah, I like to bring up that quote because again, even we'll look at a specific example of if someone wants to share an idea in a meeting, it's that feeling like, oh my gosh, well, what if it doesn't come out well? Or what if it's not well received? Or what if I'm so nervous that I blank or I can't think of something. When you start to develop that inner confidence, you start to take a little bit more chances because you know that things don't have to go perfect. And if your idea in a meeting isn't perfectly articulated, or if everyone doesn't give you a standing ovation, it's okay. It's not your one chance to prove yourself at work. Again, it's looking at things as like an evolving process. And so let's say you go and this happened to me recently. I went into a meeting with an organization I'm talking to, and I had a pretty good meeting, but I left just feeling like, I wish I would have said something more or gone deeper into this. And so I just simply sent them a follow up email, thanked them for their time, and also said, hey, you know what? I kind of drove it home in that email. So, again, knowing that you have this capability just allows you to take more chances, and then I think the self confidence continues to grow from there.

David Hall [00:46:30]:

Yeah, I love that quote. That's great. And it's self awareness who you are, that you're amazing, who you know, and that it's a process that's very important to remember.

Kristy Vail [00:46:45]:

Yeah.

David Hall [00:46:46]:

Kristy, I could talk to you all day.

Kristy Vail [00:46:49]:

Me too.

David Hall [00:46:49]:

So this has been wonderful conversation. Is there anything that we didn't talk about that you would like to hit on?

Kristy Vail [00:46:57]:

Oh, my gosh, I don't think so. I really loved where the conversation went today. And you're so easy to talk to, and you're clearly so good at this, and it's always, like, a pleasure just being able to have these meaningful conversations. I guess if I had any final words for someone yeah, anyone that's really struggling with their confidence, just continue to get to know yourself. And I know for me, anytime that kind of the confidence issues come up or those sense of insecurities, sometimes it's good to take a step back. And my favorite tool is, like, going for a walk, go for a walk, process things. And I don't know if you relate to this, but I know that I'm someone that has a tendency to take things too seriously, and so sometimes it's just, like, shaking things out, and it's reminding myself that I don't have to take life so seriously. And that's also been a big boost of confidence for me, because, again, I'm not so fixed on that one outcome or how I showed up in this situation. It gives me that sense of lightness. So I thought that I'd share that for anyone that might be struggling today.

David Hall [00:48:21]:

Yes. And I relate. I definitely have to remind myself of that. All right, so Kristy Vail, podcast host, life coach, and interior designer. Where do people find out more or connect with you?

Kristy Vail [00:48:33]:

Yeah, so my website is Kristy Vail studio, and also, if you're someone that is struggling with your confidence, I have a workshop that I created, and it's really about five ways to feel more confident the next time you're doubting yourself. And so I think as highly sensitive and introverted people, we often struggle with overthinking, overwhelm, and different forms of self doubt. So that's on my website. If you want to tune into that, it's video, but I've also made it an audio version, so if you like to listen to a podcast, you can grab that. And honestly, I have an on and off relationship with social media, so you can definitely reach out to me and connect with me on social. I'm on Instagram at KristyVail studio, and I love connecting with Just. I have to be mindful of how much I consume on there. So anyways, I spend a lot less time on there than I used to, but I still like being there.

David Hall [00:49:34]:

All right, well, thanks again. This has been a wonderful conversation.

Kristy Vail [00:49:37]:

Thank you so much. This is such a pleasure.

David Hall [00:49:40]:

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com. Check out the website quietandstrong.com. I'll add social media channels for me and my guests to the show. Notes please comment on social media posts. Send me topics or guests you'd like to see on the show. There's so many great things about being an introvert, and so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be stronger.