Ep 72 - You Don’t Seem Like An Introvert

Do you feel like you are alone in being an introvert?

In this episode, David dispels the myth that introverts are a small minority of the population, and gives insight into what being an introvert truly means. If you're an introvert, you're in good company, with most estimates putting over half the population as introverts. Introversion doesn't mean shyness or a lack of confidence or social ability, but rather where your natural focus is more on your inner world of thoughts and ideas instead of focused outward.

Let's learn to immerse "ourselves in the joy, the genius, and the power of who we naturally are" by embracing the strength that comes with introversion. 


Books mentioned in this podcast:
Introvert Power by Laurie Helgoe

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David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

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david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Transcript

David Hall [00:00:08]:
Hello, and welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast especially for introverts. I'm your host, David Hall, and the creator of quiet and strong.com. It's a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we'll air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review. Tell a friend.

David Hall [00:00:33]:
Help get the word out there. You know, it's estimated that 50% of the population are introverts. To many, this comes as a surprise. Does this surprise you? I've had people argue with me about this. And if it's a surprise to someone, it might mean that the person doesn't really understand What introversion is and isn't. So we need to continue to bust myths for greater understanding. I have a few examples of some misunderstandings. I remember when I attended a retirement celebration for a psychologist friend of mine.

David Hall [00:01:13]:
She spoke of how she used to be an introvert but could not remain as an introvert for long in the organization she worked with. Soon after that, I was listening to a radio psychologist who said that he was an introvert, The people that he shared this with acted surprised saying something like, there's no way you're an introvert, or you don't act like an introvert. You know, meaning since he was on the radio, does public speaking appears generally friendly and outgoing? I also heard someone ask a question of somebody else. Were you an introvert in high school? And it was asked in a derogatory way As if there was something wrong with it. In these cases, the word introvert It's being used synonymously with shy and about outward behavior rather than the true meaning of the word introvert. Do you hear people think that introversion can be overcome, or have you tried to overcome introversion? Maybe you are outgoing introvert. Do you relate to the psychologist that people are surprised to hear that he is an introvert or don't believe him? Do you think your behavior determines whether you're introvert or not? Do you hear many confuse introversion and shyness? Have you confused these terms at times? So these examples show the lack of understanding Of what introversion is, it implies that something's wrong with it. It is something that can be changed.

David Hall [00:02:59]:
Again, Introversion does not mean shy. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy. Also, introversion and extroversion are traits we are born with, Not something that we choose or change. But if these traits are not understood, that can cause problems. If you're an introvert who usually thinks before speaking and you're conversing with someone who's talking nonstop because they're speaking In order to think, you may have a problem. You may have a conflict. In this example, you're not choosing Not to think before speaking, it's just part of how you're made. In general, that's how you operate.

David Hall [00:03:41]:
But understanding how each of us is wired allows us to Find and focus on our own strengths and understand the strengths of others. I'm an introvert. I think deeply. With this deep thinking, One of my strengths is is to be able to analyze what's going on around me, see connections, come up with ideas on how to make things better. Our individual strengths are hardwired within each of us. It's difficult to try to excel at a strength we do not have or to be something we're not. But as we focus on our unique talents, the strengths that we do have, we can learn to use our gifts and become strong in our own way. What makes you strong as an introvert? So one of my favorite books, if you haven't heard this on previous shows, is introvert power by Lori Helgo.

David Hall [00:04:32]:
And in each of her power, Laurie tells a similar story as a psychologist. She says that after about 10 years as a successful psychologist, that she admitted to herself And to her analyst that she found the social exchange taxing, especially with new patients, And acknowledged she was an introvert. But with this acknowledgement, she felt like she came alive, Found moments of flow and a whole new energy. From introvert power, she says, quote, For the many frustrated introverts out there, what is needed is not a move towards extroversion, but as a friend of mine put it, An opportunity to melt into introversion. This book is not about finding balance. We're really tired of doing that. Besides, finding balance assumes that we've been allowed to be fully introverted. We have not.

David Hall [00:05:39]:
This book is also about embracing the power of introversion. It's about indulging, melting into, drinking in, Immersing ourselves in the joy, the genius, and the power of who we naturally are, and not just on the occasional retreat, But in the living of our lives, ironically, balance only comes to us if we forget about extraversion for a while, And balance will only come to our society when we see and respect the introversion in all of us. I love that quote. Have you melted into introversion? Have you lived allowing yourself to be fully introverted as she said? I resonate so much with this story and this quote. For so long, I tried to be something I wasn't. Embracing my introverted strengths In honoring my needs, it's given me a whole new level of energy, happiness, success, and peace, and I found so many more moments of flow. So are there less introverts and extroverts? This was another big eye opener for me in Lori Helgo's book, Something she calls the biggest lie. It's a quote, The biggest lie is that introverts are in the minority, Making up a quarter or a third of the population depending on what you've read.

David Hall [00:07:03]:
Any introvert who's done a quick web search Attempting to find some company has probably run across and even quoted these figures. But not only are these figures floating around the web, They're repeatedly quoted in self help books many of us use as resources, end quote. She claims that it's more of a fiftyfifty split. And in the book, she cites capped.orgat C A P T. It's the Center For Applications of Psychological Type. You know, it had been a while since I read introvert power, so I decided to check out the website that she quotes today and look at the current figures. And I'll add this link to the show notes as well. This CAPS site contains the estimated frequencies of types in the United States population.

David Hall [00:07:53]:
It's based on the Myers Briggs personality types. You'll see the stats broken down by introversion, extroversion, or the other letters you see in the Myers Briggs system. You can also see the percentage if you know your four letter code and how it's represented in the population. So it said for extroverts, it's estimated somewhere between 45 to 53% Hello. In introverts, they're slightly higher. So extroverts, 45 to 53, introverts, 47 to 55. So, really, it is about a 5050 split, leaning slightly higher towards being an introvert. Again, introversion is a natural way of being.

David Hall [00:08:47]:
We turn inward more often than not. While we do need some alone time, we also need and value our connections with fathers. Introversion is something to understand and be proud of. I've had conversations where people were confiding in me In a workshop I was conducting, I had someone that I knew quite well tell me, you may not know this, I'm an introvert. I had a little laugh inside and thought to myself, yeah, I knew that already. She said, you know, I can be very social. And I said, I know, of course, we all need to be social. But do you get drained from time to time and need a break? And of course she said, yes, I do.

David Hall [00:09:32]:
And you know, I've watched this person make decisions at a high level, and tell people, Hey. Give me some time to think about that. I told her her brilliance and success came from her strengths as an introvert. I also know a very outspoken introvert. He also admitted, you can't see the air quotes, admitted to me That he was an introvert when we were talking about my book. Again, very confident and outspoken, but also a gifted and deep thinker. So you can't always guess whether a person is an introvert or extrovert. Of course, there are clues from the outside looking in.

David Hall [00:10:18]:
Our type is our orientation, or our preference toward the inner world of ideas, but not necessarily behavior. Behavior does give some clues, but only the individual knows whether they're naturally, inwardly, or outwardly focused and what they enjoy doing, what strengthens them, where they feel confident, and what drains them. You know, it bothers me that introversion is still so misunderstood, even by some psychologists, apparently. As I have studied introversion extensively over the years, both in myself and others, here's my take on introversion. I am naturally drawn to the inner world of ideas and have a great imagination. I spend more time in thought Than I do focusing on the world around me, I think before I speak. I do better when I prepare in advance for meetings, Presentations, speeches, and other important conversations. Sometimes I need time alone to think and recharge.

David Hall [00:11:27]:
I have learned what causes my need for some solitude. Often, I need time to process answers to questions, especially complex ones. I generally prefer deep conversations to small talk. I also prefer having a few deep relationships Too many casual acquaintances. Coming to understand these ideas has made all the difference in the world for me. How about you? What would your list be of your different preferences and needs and strengths? I used to have some difficulty in some social situations because I didn't understand myself, and I did feel less than. But understanding who I am, how I naturally function, frees me to be who I wanna be. But my point is that no matter how comfortable I am in social situations And regardless of whether I am quiet in some settings, the things that make me introvert will not change.

David Hall [00:12:27]:
What is at the core of my introversion is who I am. Understanding these things about my personality allows me to make changes in how I do things and how I approach situations. By learning who I am, I can learn the very best Way to accomplish my goals, and so can you. Who are you, and what do you need? What strengths do you need to recognize? What needs do you need to honor to accomplish your goals? There are great gifts that come from introversion. Let people know your gifts. Let people know your needs. Of course, none of us are exactly alike. Personalities are unique for each individual, And there are as many different personalities as there are people.

David Hall [00:13:14]:
While our personalities are multifaceted, I do feel that, You know, there are commonalities between each type, and we can learn from those. We can learn from someone that's similar to us, And we can come to understand and appreciate from all sides of the introversion, extroversion spectrum. Again, It's about a 5050 split. So either you are introvert or you know someone that is. Quiet and Strong is dedicated to helping you embrace your introversion Or bring understanding about someone in your life, whether that be a spouse, child, brother, sister, student, coworker, employee, customer, or stranger. The goal is to help all introverts embrace their natural strengths and bring a great understanding to all about introversion, extroversion. If you are interested in getting to know yourself better, there's now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a 4 letter Myers Briggs code, And you can purchase an extended report if you'd like to learn more.

David Hall [00:14:20]:
I'll add a link to the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@quietstrong.com or check out the quiet and strong.com website. I'll add social media channels to the show notes. Please comment on social media posts related to the podcast. Send me topics or guests you'd like to see on the show. There are so many great things about being an introvert, and we need those to be understood.

David Hall [00:14:47]:
Get to know your introverted strengths and needs, and