Ep 165 - Introverted Expressions: The Power of the Poker Face

Do people say your expressions are hard to read? Are you struggling to navigate misunderstandings about your introverted nature?

Join host David Hall on this episode of the Quiet and Strong podcast, “Introverted Expressions: The Power of the Poker Face,” as we uncover the strengths and challenges of naturally having a neutral expression. Join us as we explore the role your expressions play in more effective communication as an introvert.

Tune in to discover tips on handling misconceptions about introversion, learn the significance of adopting a poker face, and explore the power of self-acceptance as an introverted leader.

Gain insights and practical takeaways to confidently embrace your introverted nature and communicate with authenticity. Listen, learn, and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/165

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David Hall

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Transcript

David Hall [00:00:09]:
Hello, and welcome to episode 165 of the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David Hall, and the creator of quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we'll learn each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review. That would mean a lot to me.

David Hall [00:00:34]:
Tell a friend about the podcast, and help get the word out there. The introversion is a beautiful thing. So I was in a leadership workshop recently. Someone said to the group that she wore all of her emotions on her face, and it was a problem sometimes. And the example she gave when she was listening to an idea, she struggled as she wanted to listen and keep a neutral face to not immediately give feedback through her facial expressions as to whether or not she liked the idea. She said it was a struggle to listen and be neutral. So I had to laugh, and I shared with the group that my problem is the opposite. That a lot of the time my face is neutral.

David Hall [00:01:19]:
I know some of you introverts are can relate to this. People told me that I'm hard to read, or they might say, don't be so serious. As an introvert, do you relate? Do you have this problem? Have people told you that you're hard to read or that you're too serious? Or maybe they ask you what's wrong or tell you to cheer up when really you're perfectly happy? Or the dreaded why are you so quiet? What should you do as an introvert when people say things like this? I remember a distinct time when someone told me I was hard to read. I didn't take it as a compliment and don't think it was meant as one. I was taken aback as to what this meant for me, especially as a leader. And could this be something that I could do something about? Of course, I don't always have a neutral face, but is it a bad thing if I do? I don't play poker, but maybe I should as this poker face could come in handy. As an introvert, it's common to face such comments and questions from others. It can be frustrating when people misinterpret your demeanor and think maybe you're upset when you're actually quite content.

David Hall [00:02:35]:
Just like I didn't choose to be introspective in nature. We can't just decide to naturally be more expressive. It doesn't work like that. There are many ways that we can get what we want by being strategic, but we have to accept some realities. So sometimes I'm gonna have a neutral face. And sometimes this may actually serve me well and sometimes not. Whether people have told you that you're hard to read or you wear all your emotions on your face, either way, we can become more aware of how we're being perceived by others and the messages that we're sending, purposely or not. Here's a few tips on how to handle these situations as an introvert.

David Hall [00:03:19]:
1st, be proud of your introverted nature. You have many gifts and needs. So explore your personality, work to educate others about your introversion. Let others know that being quiet or having a neutral expression can be part of your personality, and it doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong. I might tell someone how I'm feeling and explain that my face doesn't always match my feelings or what's going on inside. To take the opportunity to educate others what it means to be an introvert, explain that we naturally focus inward. We're deep thinkers, and some are deep feelers. We have a lot going on in our inner world of imagination most of the time.

David Hall [00:04:05]:
We may be very happy, but our outward expression may not always show it. You may notice that I don't usually talk in absolutes. So too often people wanna say introverts always fill in the blank. So just as a reminder, as introverts, we have preferences. It often act in certain ways. But while I often have a neutral face, there'll be times I'm happy about something and it's obvious to everyone from my outward expressions. Again, there's a lot of generalities, but most of the time, we act in lots of different ways. I may or may not have a neutral face.

David Hall [00:04:44]:
So help people understand that for introverts, silence and thoughtfulness are often signs of processing information rather than something negative. You know, sometimes it's nice to seek out like minded individuals. Spend time with people who understand and appreciate your introverted nature. Building a supportive network of like minded individuals can help you feel more comfortable in social situations. I'm not saying to only hang out with introverts, but it's nice to be with people from time to time that gets you, and you don't have to explain yourself too. It's nice to be in conversations where silence isn't awkward, but understood and appreciated. And then, of course, communicate your needs. Be honest and open about your needs as an introvert.

David Hall [00:05:31]:
Whether it's needing some time alone or time to process your thoughts or preferring 1 on 1 conversations over group settings, communicate what makes you feel most comfortable and just really accept who you are. Focus on the good things about you. Remember, there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. In fact, it's a beautiful thing. It's important to accept yourself just the way you are. Embrace your unique qualities and your strengths as an introvert. You come with gifts that are needed and those gifts come with needs. And sometimes, you know, we do communicate well in writing.

David Hall [00:06:12]:
So try writing your thoughts down often in the email to more effectively communicate how you feel without feeling put on the spot. Again, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert and it's important to stay true to yourself while finding ways to communicate effectively with others who may not fully understand your perspective. A poker face can be beneficial as a person in the beginning. Let's just pretend she was an extrovert. She wished she had one. She wished she could remain neutral while listening to an idea. An introvert may find it beneficial to have this poker or neutral face in various situations, or maintaining a neutral or unreadable expression can be advantageous. Here's a few thoughts.

David Hall [00:06:58]:
Maybe you're in a negotiation, whether business deals, salary negotiations, or other agreements. Maintaining a poker face can prevent the other party from discerning your true thoughts or intentions. This can give you an edge in negotiations, but not revealing your hand too soon or showing any signs of weakness. Also, it can come in handy and conflict resolution in situations where tensions are high or emotions are running strong. Having that poker face can help deescalate the situation. By remaining calm and composed, you can diffuse conflict and focus on finding a resolution without getting drawn into the emotional dynamics of the situation. Also in a large social gathering or unfamiliar environment, introverts can feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Maintaining that neutral expression could help conceal any discomfort or anxiety, allowing you to navigate the situation with confidence and poise.

David Hall [00:07:59]:
And also as a leader, there may be times when you need to make tough decisions or navigate challenging situations. Having a neutral expression could convey a sense of strength and stability to your team, reassuring them that you're in control and capable of handling the situation effectively. It's important to note though, while having a neutral expression can be useful in certain situations, it's essential to balance this with genuine expressions of authenticity in your interactions with others. Overreliance on a poker face may come across as aloof or unapproachable, which can hinder effective communication or relationship building. As with any skill, it's about knowing when and how to deploy inappropriately for the best outcomes. So as an introverted leader, you can effectively communicate your intentions and leadership style by leveraging your strength and adopting strategies that align with your personality. Here's some tips. So make your communication clear.

David Hall [00:09:06]:
Focus on clear and concise communication. Introverts often excel in 1 on 1 or small group conversations. Take advantage of those settings to articulate your intentions or goals or expectations clearly. Use active listening to ensure that others understand your message and they feel heard. And lead by example, Demonstrate your intentions through your actions. Your consistency and commitment to your values and goals will speak volumes about your leadership style. Be authentic and genuine in your interactions with others, and they will likely respond positively to your leadership. And it's so important to build relationships.

David Hall [00:09:46]:
While introverts may prefer deep connections with a smaller group of people, it's essential to build relationships with your team and others across your organization. Take the time to get to know people individually, understand their strengths or challenges, and show empathy and support when needed. Building trust and rapport will make it easier for those to understand and align with your intentions. And then provide context. When communicating your intentions, provide context and rationale behind yours behind your decisions. Explain why certain goals or strategies are important and how they contribute to the overall vision of the team or organization. This helps others this helps others understand the why behind your actions and fosters buy in and alignment. And then along with that, utilize written and visual communication.

David Hall [00:10:39]:
Introverts often excel in written communication, so consider leveraging written channels such as emails or documentation to convey your intentions, strategies, and expectations. This allows you to carefully craft your message and ensure clarity and consistency in your communication. Use visuals in your messages and consider when videos may be appropriate. Think about how you can show what is clearly in your head to others so it will be clear to them too. And then get feedback, encourage open dialogue and feedback from others, actively solicit input, ideas, perspective, and be receptive to feedback. This not only helps you understand the needs and concerns, but also demonstrates your willingness to collaborate and adapt based on input from others. So clearly communicate your expectations and provide support and resources as needed, but also give autonomy and trust in others' abilities to approach their goals. This fosters a sense of ownership and accountability with the team.

David Hall [00:11:44]:
So by leveraging these strategies, introvert leaders can effectively communicate their intentions, build strong relationships with their team, and lead with authenticity and impact. And back to self acceptance. I have realized that no matter how confident, social, talkative I am, I am usually gonna think before I speak. So I'm never gonna speak as many words as a extrovert, and that's okay. Sometimes I'm gonna have a neutral look on my face, and that's okay. But there's other times where I may need to work to show my emotions when I am not naturally doing so. Self awareness of your strengths and needs and your goals goes a long way, so be proud of your introverted nature. Design strategies for your success based on your introversion.

David Hall [00:12:33]:
You can get what you want out of life, and this will likely come with self awareness and embracing your natural preferences. Thank you so much for joining me today. I appreciate you. I hope you take the time to explore other episodes and learn from our amazing guests. Remember, if you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there's now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including the 4 letter Myers Briggs code. I'll add a link to the show notes. And I'd love to connect with you.

David Hall [00:13:04]:
Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com, or check out the quietandstrong.com website. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. There's so many great things about being an introvert, and we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.