Ep 177 - Managing Energy and Boosting Confidence, Especially for Introverts With Vicky Regina

Ever wondered how embracing your introverted nature can lead to greater confidence and success? In this illuminating episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with certified professional coach Vicky Regina to explore the unique strengths and needs of introverts. Together, they uncover essential strategies for managing energy and boosting self-confidence.

Listeners will learn about:
- How managing your energy can give you greater confidence
- The importance of recognizing and appreciating introverted attributes
- Effective ways to approach social and business situations that align with an introvert's strengths
- Techniques for challenging negative thoughts and embracing empowering beliefs
- Practical tips for conserving and recharging your energy, even in demanding environments

Tune in to discover how understanding and working with your introverted nature can transform your confidence and lead to a more fulfilling life. You'll hear inspiring personal stories and expert guidance that will equip you with the tools to thrive as an introvert.  Embrace your strengths, manage your energy effectively, and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/177

Vicky Regina is a Certified Professional Coach specializing in confidence and energy management coaching for introverts. She works closely with her clients to find deep, unconditional confidence in themselves by leveraging their natural strengths and by becoming masterful at managing their energy. She teaches her clients to think differently, which means they live differently.

As a hardcore introvert herself, she doesn't believe introverts are broken extroverts. She knows first hand how challenging it can be to navigate what feels like a world that is designed to meet the needs of extroverts. So, her mission is to help introverts understand themselves better so they embody who they're here to be. In doing so, she's witnessed her clients transform their relationships, career success, and more!

Connect with Vicky:
Website: VickyRegina.com
Socials:  LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

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Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

quietandstrong.com
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david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Transcript

Vicky Regina [00:00:00]:
So I was in a program one time. It was an in person event, and the coach was like this very extroverted person. And she was saying, like, to promote your business. She's like, just go online when you're going into, like, Facebook groups. You know, just treat it like a party. And I remember thinking, okay. Well, that's, like, the worst advice ever to give an attorney. Adjourn.

Vicky Regina [00:00:18]:
But I was I was able to process it like, okay. You know what? I'm not gonna go in and treat it like a party the way she would treat it like a party. But because I know myself, I can treat it in the way that works for me as a party. Like, I I like smaller parties. I like, you know, people where I can have deep meaningful conversations. So what if I approach it that way as opposed to what had before I knew my strengths, I would have been, like, like, oh, so I'm just supposed to go into this big room and, like, try to talk with everybody. That's never gonna work. But I was able to reorient it to work for me using her advice.

David Hall [00:00:57]:
Hello, and welcome to episode 177 of the Quiet Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David Hall, and the creator of quietestrong.com. It's a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we'll our each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review or a rating. That would mean a lot to me and help others find the show.

David Hall [00:01:25]:
Tell a friend about the podcast and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. Vicky Regina is a certified professional coach specializing in confidence and energy management coaching for introverts. She works closely with her clients to find deep, unconditional confidence in themselves by leveraging their natural strengths and by becoming masterful at managing their energy. She teaches her clients to think differently, which means they live differently. As a hardcore introvert herself, she doesn't believe introverts are broken extroverts. She knows firsthand how challenging it can be to navigate what feels like a world that is designed to meet the needs of extroverts. So her mission is to help introverts understand themselves better so they embody who they are here to be. In doing so, she's witnessed her clients transform their relationships, career success, and more.

David Hall [00:02:19]:
Alright. Well, welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, Vicky. Vicky, it's so good to have you on today.

Vicky Regina [00:02:24]:
Oh, thank you. I have been so excited and looking forward to this. So thank you for inviting or reaching out and inviting me on.

David Hall [00:02:30]:
Yeah. Absolutely. So we're gonna get into the work you do as a coach, especially for introverts. But first, let's just talk a little bit about your journey. You know, tell us about your journey of being an introvert and now doing the coaching work that you do.

Vicky Regina [00:02:42]:
Yeah. You know, a lot I've had people ask me, like, well, you know, when did you know that you were an introvert? And I wish that I had, like, some magical moment where it was, like, oh, the light bulb went off and I knew. I don't have that. I don't know when I I knew that I was an introvert. I've always known that I've been, you know, very quiet. When I was when I was a child, I was extremely shy, which is not the same thing as being an introvert, which gets confused a lot of times, but I was very, very shy. I mean, I I like to say that I couldn't even order my own Happy Meal at McDonald's when I was a kid. I had to hide behind my mom and let her do it.

Vicky Regina [00:03:15]:
But as I grew up and got into the work world in my twenties, I took a job I don't know why I took this job, but I I'm grateful that I did. But I took a job where I was a consultant at a software company, and I had clients. And I had to go out and stand in front of them and train and do demos and all of this stuff, which was very, very challenging for me. But as an introvert, it really helped me to start to challenge what I thought I couldn't do because I always thought, well, I can't do this. You know, I I growing up in high school and college, I was I was the one that like, I just like being reading on a Friday night. I don't really wanna go out and, like, you know, close down the bars with everybody. That's not my thing. So as I got into, like, the corporate world, that's where I really started to recognize that my energy wouldn't really last as long as maybe some of my friends.

Vicky Regina [00:04:07]:
And then as I got into my thirties, that's where I really started to challenge all these beliefs that I had about myself that I was limited because I was an introvert or there was something wrong with me or I needed to try to force myself to be, you know, more extroverted than I was. And it was around that time in my thirties that I I started to do the research on it and started to just learn about it. And that was really a fun time because I was I was, like, I left a relationship where I started to become aware that I was an introvert and he was very extroverted. And so I had started to try to communicate with him like, hey. You know, I can't go all weekend long. You know, I need some downtime. And so when that relationship ended and I had just space to myself, I was like, I wanna get to know who I am again. And part of that journey was really learning about what it meant to be introverted, and I think that was mostly like a bunch of Google searches.

Vicky Regina [00:04:59]:
It wasn't even, you know, anything no books or anything like that. It was I don't think there was a lot at that time to really read, and so I just started learning as much as I could. And that really transformed how I saw myself and what I thought was possible for me. And so around that time is also when I went to coaching school and got certified in coaching. And once I started doing coaching, I didn't initially start working with introverts. I didn't even really think about that. But as I was working with clients, there was just this little little voice in my head, like, you you gotta work with introverts because there's something about you know, I was attracting introverts, and there was just something about they don't understand. I was really recognizing they were very much like I used to be.

Vicky Regina [00:05:40]:
They don't under really understand who they are or how they're wired. And because of that, their confidence is just it's really challenging for them to feel confident in themselves. And so that is what ended up really driving me into into to really working with clients specifically on this, introverted clients on this.

David Hall [00:05:58]:
Yeah. That's the thing. There's differences. There's different we process the world internally. We spend more time in our internal world. And if you don't understand that, you could definitely lack confidence, and you might not have the right strategies to be successful.

Vicky Regina [00:06:14]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:06:15]:
Or would you go back and tell your 20 year old self as you're getting up in front of people and and doing training and things? What would you tell that?

Vicky Regina [00:06:22]:
Oh, that's such a great question. I would tell her to relax. Just, you know, be yourself. I would also tell her that, guess what, you're gonna eventually get to the point where you absolutely love speaking in front of people and you're engaged. I don't think she would have believed me, but but I would have just told her, like, hey. You're on the right path and you're in this place for a reason, and to just believe in yourself and stop trying to stop seeing yourself as not enough. Just know that how you present is actually a reflection of your gifts as an introvert instead of stop fighting that and just lean into that.

David Hall [00:06:54]:
Yeah. I'm still I'm so curious. So you obviously had to come up with some strategies to be successful back then. Do they look anything like the strategies that you have now?

Vicky Regina [00:07:05]:
Oh, probably not. That's been and the strategies that I used then, I think, was really just to keep my head above water.

David Hall [00:07:12]:
Okay. Okay.

Vicky Regina [00:07:13]:
It was just, like, try to push through this, you know, go go go. Whereas now my strategies are much more I take downtime. I take time to really reflect on what's important. If I and if I'm feeling and this is a reflection I'm beginning into coaching. But as I as I feel the any sort of doubts or fears or anxiety come up, which is normal, that's those are normal human experiences, Then I know how to I don't have to rush, rush, rush to push through it to ignore feeling those or to avoid feeling it. I can really tap into the source. And then from from that place, I unlock those doors, which allows my confidence to flow through. So then I can just show up as a authentic version of myself, whereas back then, it was I showed up with a mask on of who I thought I was supposed to be.

David Hall [00:07:57]:
Yeah. Yeah. I relate so much to that. I was there. And, you know, you do things and you might just be surviving, and it's not as effective, I'm sure, as you are now. And, also, it's very draining when you're not being authentic when you are putting on that mask, and I was there. So we're gonna definitely get into what you do now and how you help others, how you coach others that are introverts.

Vicky Regina [00:08:22]:
Yeah. Yeah. So right now, what I what I I mean, I focus a lot on confidence, but I also focus a lot with my clients on energy management because I feel like for for for in order for you to grow your confidence as an introvert, you have to manage your energy. I always like to say when I I always do, like, weekly talks on LinkedIn, and I always like to say, if you're not managing your energy as an introvert, I can guarantee you that your confidence is suffering. Because when you're pushing yourself beyond what your energetic limits are by telling yourself, well, I should go to that. I should go to my neighbor's party this weekend. I I should go to the family gathering. I should go out to happy hour with my coworkers because my boss is gonna be there.

Vicky Regina [00:09:02]:
When you're pushing through all that, when your body is saying, hey. We're on, like, the red like, on the cell phone. We're in the red zone of the battery. We need to rest. And if you push through that, you're telling yourself that it's not okay for you as an introvert to need that time to yourself. And so you're just telling your you just keep reiterating that what you need and how you're wired is not okay. And so when you learn to manage your energy, you start to you have to understand yourself, first off. You have to understand how you're how you're wired and how you work, but then you can really have compassion for yourself.

Vicky Regina [00:09:33]:
And that's when your your your confidence will start to really soar.

David Hall [00:09:37]:
Yeah. And I remember, again, especially earlier in my career where there's the culture of being available to all people at all times. Mhmm. And that can be such a energy drain. And and to me, I often say we need quiet time for a lot of things, to recharge, but also to prepare and use our gifts to think and and plan and be strategic, all all of that. And we have to make a plan around that. And and that was key for me is realizing, hey. This is okay.

David Hall [00:10:09]:
In fact, it's not just okay. You have to have it. You have to have this time. And there's, you know, there's time to collaborate, and and it's very needed to collaborate with others. You know, your clients, your team. That's very needed, but you also need that time to use your great gifts as an introvert as well.

Vicky Regina [00:10:27]:
Yeah. And I like to I like to remind my clients that when we're talking about the confidence piece, when you are managing your energy, then your energy actually lasts longer. You know, you're able to to if you're if you're coming into everything drained, then it's it's kinda like I would love to use the cell phone. It's like an energy example. If your phone is always under 20%, you're constantly having to, like, let me plug it in for a few minutes just to get a little bit more. You still aren't you still can't really use it much. But when you take that time to fully charge it, then you're able to use your phone for for much longer. And when you're feeling confident in yourself, you're not up in your head telling yourself that, oh, I better do this, I gotta do that.

Vicky Regina [00:11:04]:
And you're all the overthinking, which I like to say is like the background apps on your phone that's draining your phone when you're not even using it, you can get out of your head, be more present, and that's again when your energy will start to last longer. So you can actually do those collaboration things and be around other people for a longer stretch of time before you start to get exhausted.

David Hall [00:11:23]:
Yeah. Yeah. And the and so the analogy with the phone happened to me this morning. So my Internet was down. I'm glad it's working now for our conversation. I was on a call, but I wasn't so I was planning on just using the laptop, not my phone. But I was on a call, and my battery was almost dead. And it just my confidence wasn't good because it's like, man, like, all of a sudden, this call that I'm having with this person might just end because I didn't charge my battery.

David Hall [00:11:49]:
So that's

Vicky Regina [00:11:50]:
Yeah. All up in your head. Like, what am I gonna do with this call?

David Hall [00:11:54]:
Exactly. There's a lot of anxiety, and it it definitely relates to your analogy. If we're not prepared, if we don't have the confidence, you know, we we're not charged up, definitely, that can bring a lot of anxiety and not our best self. Right?

Vicky Regina [00:12:08]:
Exactly. Exactly.

David Hall [00:12:10]:
Alright. Well, let's talk a little bit about strengths. Like, what is the strength that you or 2 that you have because you're an introvert?

Vicky Regina [00:12:18]:
Mhmm. I love that question. I think my 2 favorite strengths are 1 I'm a well, actually, I'm gonna I'm gonna say 3 of my favorite strengths. One is that I'm a really good listener. I mean, that comes in very handy as a coach. But, you know, even with, like, my friends, my boyfriend, like, I love that I can really give them that energy and space where they can feel heard on a level that they don't really get to experience in most places or with most people. I just love being able to to provide that for people. I love to be able to really, like, hear what they're saying because I I feel like that allows me to connect with people on a deeper level, which is introverts.

Vicky Regina [00:12:54]:
We love those meaningful connections. So I love that. It's one of my strengths. I also really love that when I'm listening, it's kinda tied to that being a good listener, but I love that I can really pick out what's kind of not being said. I always like to to say it's all the dots getting revealed and then I can, like, connect them, which I think is really fun whether that's on a TV show or whether it's, you know, again with my clients. I love that. I find it a lot of fun. And then my third strength that I I really love is just and I think this is one a lot of introverts will resonate with.

Vicky Regina [00:13:25]:
But I I love I can I can be my own entertainment? Like like, I enjoy time by myself. Like, I don't get I rarely get bored. And I think as an introvert, we I know I have a lot of hobbies and interest, and so I rarely get bored, so I can entertain myself. So we think that to, like, COVID time, you know, the lockdown, not that, you know, it's a terrible time and, you know, very difficult time, but I think, you know, a lot of us introverts enjoyed at least having the the freedom, the permission to be at home. And I know it was like, man, I can I can do all my hobbies? I have all this extra time now because I wasn't commuting. And I love that I can really, yeah, just entertain myself no matter where I go.

David Hall [00:14:06]:
Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like sometimes we need it to to need to be alone, and sometimes it is just fun for us. And sometimes it's maybe maybe we could go either way, but we don't mind. You know, maybe, you know, we would like to be with family or friends, but we're not. And it's okay because we Yeah. We we, I I haven't been bored for a very long time either. So

Vicky Regina [00:14:30]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:14:31]:
And I think on the listening, when you were describing that, it's you're listening, but you also have a gift for thinking. So you're able to connect all those pieces. And that's because you're an introvert. You know? Definitely, we're good at listening and and observing and picking up on things because we're putting everything together in our heads. You know?

Vicky Regina [00:14:51]:
Yeah. And it's like I that prefrontal cortex is actually studies have shown that we have thicker gray matter. Introverts have thicker gray matter in our prefrontal cortex, which is where all that analysis is happening, which I think is fascinating. So when people are like, oh, you've gotta overcome being an introvert. It's like, well, we can't. It's literally how we're biologically wired in our body.

David Hall [00:15:11]:
Yes. It it absolutely, it's in our biology. I could share lots of different epiphanies I've had around It's natural. And it definitely, it's not something to overcome or fix. It's something to understand. And and, again, you know, you just shared some strengths. We have great gifts. With them come needs.

David Hall [00:15:32]:
You know? We need to manage our energy like you're talking about. We need to make sure we have time to prepare for things because, you know, we often do better with some preparation usually. And, you know, I'm always talking like this, generally, usually.

Vicky Regina [00:15:46]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:15:47]:
Usually usually, our gift is not thinking on the spot. You know? So you just need to understand all those things. But, yeah, it's it's in our I love that you said that. It's in our biology, and it's not something to change.

Vicky Regina [00:16:00]:
Mhmm. Yeah. And I think when we understand that, that's when we can from the confidence piece, that's where we can really start to stretch you know, what's the expression like? Spread our wings. Spread our wings with our confidence because we realize, oh, this is just who I am.

David Hall [00:16:14]:
Yeah. Yeah. So tell us a little bit more of how you went into coaching, and how did you decide to be an entrepreneur and be a coach?

Vicky Regina [00:16:22]:
Yeah. So I was I wasn't really familiar with the coaching world. This is going back to maybe 2014, 2015, and I was at a place in my corporate job where I just was feeling burnt out. It was just it was not it was it was a perfectly fine job, wonderful people I worked with, but it was not there was no passion around what I was doing. It definitely was not hitting, like, you know, this is a purpose for me. And so I was in that phase of, like, well, what is my next step? And I I think I was blogging at the time. This is back when blogging was bigger. And I was blogging, and I was blogging about, like, you know, personal help or personal self help type of topics.

Vicky Regina [00:17:00]:
And I didn't know much about coaching, and I do remember thinking, I I can't think of life coach. What is that? Who am I to go and, like I didn't understand what it was. Tell people what to do, which is not what a coach does. But but I was like, you know what? I wanna be a dream coach. I wanna help women, like, really go after their dreams because I feel women aren't doing that, not knowing that that actually is a lot of what coaching is. And so once I learned a bit more about that, and I had a just a particularly challenging summer 1 year at work because it was just it was just crazy, I realized, you know what? Why not go why not start to go after this? So that's when I started looking into coaching programs and, chose a coaching school and spent the next year getting, you know, going through that program to get certified, and that's kinda how it kinda how it happened. I don't think I'm not one of these people that was like, oh, I know someday I wanna own a business. Like, I never saw that in my future.

Vicky Regina [00:17:54]:
It was just once I I discovered coaching and realized that it was lighting something up inside of me. It was like, I I can't not explore that.

David Hall [00:18:04]:
Yeah. So what is the value of having a coach?

Vicky Regina [00:18:08]:
Yeah. So I the thing I love about and and I think as coaches, we we generally have coaches too. I think everybody pretty much needs a coach. But, the value of having a coach, I think there's several things. 1, and this is maybe not even related to the specifics of coaching, is you come in and you get an entire hour or however long the session is to just talk and have somebody listen. Like, how often in our life do we get that? I think that's a huge benefit. I know that there's not a lot of people in my life where I can just talk and talk and talk about what's going on, and so I really look forward to those sessions with my coach to be able to do that. But beyond that, I think the beauty of having a coach is they can like, kinda what I was saying earlier, they can hear what we we're blind to our own blocks.

Vicky Regina [00:18:49]:
Like, we are we are never gonna see them. That's just, I shouldn't say never, but it's harder for us to see them. It's it's just how we're wired as humans. And the a good coach can hear what you're saying, but hear what you're saying behind it and start to shine a light on those things to help you really start to think differently, do things differently, understand different processes to take to to just basically change how you're experiencing your life. And that's what I think is the really powerful side of having a coach.

David Hall [00:19:17]:
And then the next part of the question is, so what's the value for an introvert to have a coach that's also an introvert?

Vicky Regina [00:19:27]:
Yeah. That is, I think that is such a great question because I I can relate from my own experience, like, as I've worked with coaches over the years around just getting my my business out and, you know, into more visibility, I worked with a lot of extrovert coaches. I didn't, at the time, think about it or I didn't realize who were introverted coaches, and a lot of the tactics that they share were tactics. But for me to try to do it, I kept hitting like, banging my head up against the wall and wondering why why can't I make this work? Why is this so hard? Why is it so challenging? And so as I discovered more about myself and I started to work with more introverted people myself, there was just almost like this I could relax because somebody got me. Somebody wasn't trying to tell me, well, you just need to get over that. You know? Well, this is just how it is. I was able to explore what actually does work for me, and I felt supported in that. And I felt you know, I I feel like with an introvert, if you have an introverted coach, it's it's it's almost like you speak the same language.

Vicky Regina [00:20:29]:
So

David Hall [00:20:30]:
Yeah. Absolutely. And we can learn from extroverts, of course. Mhmm. But I think I think that it's important that someone understands our introverted nature. Yeah. And even just even right now, this conversation, it's yeah. You get me.

David Hall [00:20:45]:
I get you. You know, even before we hit record, you know, we just had a really nice conversation, and and we're coming from the same place. And so it's just so important. I I talk about sometimes when I was in college and I was still struggling with this, I read a book on how to overcome shyness, and it didn't help at all. And I need to go find that book because I bet you it was written with extrovert tactics, which are great for the extrovert. But for me, I needed to learn, oh, yeah. You think before you speak. You know? You're gonna need some time to prepare.

David Hall [00:21:19]:
You're gonna need some downtime, and those kinds of things weren't called out. But once I figured out those things, yeah, I'm not shy anymore. Having a coach that I'm just and, you know, they could be an extrovert, but they really need to deeply understand what it means to be an introvert. And I've definitely met people and coaches like that.

Vicky Regina [00:21:34]:
Yeah. And I think that, also, the more that you as an individual understands what it means to be an introvert and what your needs are, even if you are working with an extroverted coach, you can challenge the suggestions. So I was in a a program one time. It was an in person in person event, and the the coach was like this very extrovert she was lovely, but a very extroverted person. And she was saying, like, you know, in order of, like, you know, to to promote your business, she's like, just, you know, when you're going online, when you're going into, like, Facebook groups, you know, just treat it like a party. And I remember thinking, okay. Well, that's like the worst advice ever to give an attorney.

David Hall [00:22:09]:
But but Yeah.

Vicky Regina [00:22:11]:
I was I was able to process it like, okay. You know what? I'm not gonna go in and treat it like a party the way she would treat it like a party. But because I know myself, I can treat it in the way that works for me as a party. Like, I I like smaller parties. I like, you know, people where I can have deep meaningful conversations. So what if I approach it that way as opposed to what had before I knew my strengths, I would have been like, oh, so I'm just supposed to go into this big room and, like, try to talk with everybody. That's never gonna work. But I was able to reorient it to work for me using her advice.

David Hall [00:22:42]:
Yeah. You know, I love that. It's because guess what? We do like parties, but Yeah. We like them in a different way. If I go into a room of a 100 strangers, I'm not gonna wanna meet everybody all at once. If I could have some good deep conversations, if I can find those, I'm happy.

Vicky Regina [00:23:00]:
Yeah. Exactly. I'm happy over in the over in the side just having a a deeper, meaningful conversation with a couple people, that's a wonderful evening. Yeah.

David Hall [00:23:09]:
So in your coaching work, and we talked about strengths, you know, your your strengths, How do you help your clients find their strengths?

Vicky Regina [00:23:17]:
Yeah. I you know, I don't use any sort of, like, online assessment. Nothing is there any not that there's anything wrong with that. I love to get to know my clients and then help them get to know themselves. So I love to ask them questions, and I start with things like, what do you know you're good at? You know, what do you enjoy doing that you lose all track of time? Where do you get compliments from? And people, again, from people in your life, even at work, what what do you get reviewed on that your boss is like, hey. You're always really great at this. And we start to just pick things out and start it's almost like we build a a picture of these things that they're really good at, things that sometimes they don't even realize that are strengths because it's just so natural for them. So it's it's kind of a it's usually over this the the span of a few calls.

Vicky Regina [00:24:02]:
And after we start talking about it, they they're really attuned to, like, paying attention to it in between our sessions. And it's just just looking for those those little I like to call them gold nuggets. Where where is it that it feels you feel like you're coming alive?

David Hall [00:24:16]:
Yeah. And I you said something important there. It's like sometimes there are strengths, so we don't even realize that there are strengths and that other all other people don't have the same ones because we're so close to them. But by reflecting, yeah, and there's instruments that are really helpful, but as an introvert, you can do some great reflecting. That's one of our gifts.

Vicky Regina [00:24:37]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:24:37]:
And you can really think about, okay. Yeah. What what do I enjoy doing? What do I love that you know, where do I lose track of time? That that's a that's a big key right there. And we all have different strengths, and, you know, there's a wide variety amongst introverts. You know? As I get to know you, we're gonna share some strengths, but some strengths are gonna be unique to you, and some are gonna be unique to me. So helping people really reflect and and is is so important.

Vicky Regina [00:25:02]:
Because I think a lot of times the things that are strengths as introverts if you're if if my clients, when they're coming in, if they're new to starting to understand what it means to be an introvert, if they have spent their life thinking that being an introvert is a disadvantage, and I have clients tell me that routinely when we first start working together. And if that's their belief system when they come in, a lot of a lot of times what their strengths are that are unique to being an introvert, they see them as weaknesses because they don't align with what society says are, you know, strengths. And so it's it's helping them also just to reorient what their relationship is with with those strengths so that they don't see them as weaknesses.

David Hall [00:25:41]:
Yeah. Absolutely. And I think this is related. How do you help your clients gain confidence if they're if they're lacking? And I always like to say if they're lacking because I don't wanna spread the myth that all introverts lack confidence.

Vicky Regina [00:25:56]:
Yes.

David Hall [00:25:57]:
Some introverts have been confident since the day they were born. Some, like myself and probably you, we had to learn to develop it. And then there's some out there that are still lacking, and that's who I'm speaking about. Like, what how can you help someone where they're lacking confidence gain that confidence?

Vicky Regina [00:26:14]:
Yeah. So it's similar to this to the strengths question that you just asked. I mean, first, I what I love to work with my clients, if if they are in that space where they are just really lacking that confidence, and I have done this with some of my clients, is one, I like to start with the introvert stuff, like really helping them understand just how they're wired, who they are, because that breaks down a lot of those beliefs that they're flawed. And so once we start to work through those, then we get into the strengths piece where it's like, where are you excelling? How are all of this biological wiring? How is it working to your advantage? And then I start to just really work on the mindset, the thoughts behind what they're doing. Because a lot of times we have it's the stories in our brain that's just telling us this isn't good enough, or this is you know, I suck at this, or I should be that. And so we start to break those down and create new stories. I like to tell my clients that the little the little parts of our brain that try to protect us, and they're not there to harm us, but I I think of them as like academy award winning directors, you know, script writers, actors, you know, marketers, all this stuff, and they create these epic movies in our brain about what you know, all the things that we're gonna fail at or that not be good at or how we're not we're not good. And we sit there and watch it with, like, a big tub of popcorn, and we believe everything we see.

Vicky Regina [00:27:30]:
And so I I like to work with them around saying, hey. Just because you're thinking it doesn't mean it's true. And so I help them really learn how to think differently. And so as they're doing that, I help them also to start, I like to say, collecting new evidence because our brain is gonna try to collect evidence for whatever telling ourselves. So if we're telling ourselves that we suck at this or we need to be you know, we're not good enough at this, we're gonna keep seeing the evidence for it. So we have to change how we think so that we can start to collect the evidence that supports the confidence that we can have.

David Hall [00:28:02]:
Yeah. And that's definitely I think for introverts, we spend a lot of time thinking. And so how do we change those thoughts that we need to and, you know, become different if if we need to, like you're saying. How do we change those thoughts and those limiting beliefs?

Vicky Regina [00:28:19]:
Yeah. I wish I could say, like, it's, oh, if you do this, this, this, and this, it'll immediately change. It really comes down to awareness. That was actually I didn't even think about this earlier. One of the reasons I got into coaching is or actually not even so much into coaching into the personal development into that space and learning about it because I woke up one day and realized that I would never let anybody else talk to me the way I was talking to myself. And that was, like, a real wake up call for me. And so I it it really comes down to becoming aware of what you're thinking, what you're saying to yourself, and then just saying then challenging it. And that and I I like to start with my clients, like, just start with the main one.

Vicky Regina [00:28:57]:
What's the main one that you keep telling yourself over and over and over again? Let's start with that one. And once they learn that they can change that thought, then it makes it easier for them to believe that they can change all the other thoughts. But it's really just practice and awareness.

David Hall [00:29:12]:
Okay. Do you have an example of a a thought maybe a client had that they needed to change?

Vicky Regina [00:29:20]:
Goodness. I know. I'm thinking of 1 client, and I can't think of, like, a specific this was, like, 2 years ago, but I can't think of, like, the specific thoughts that she had. But, well, she was trying to get out and meet new meet meet new friends. She was new in her city, and she really just wanted a circle of friends, even though she's an introvert. She but we want we like people. We wanna be around people. And she wanted to, like, meet, you know, meet friends, and she had been spending at least a year before we started working together doing all the things that she thought she was supposed to do.

Vicky Regina [00:29:48]:
All the happy hours, all the big clubs, all the dinners and loud restaurants. And she hadn't met a single friend. She hadn't made a single friend. No connections. And so when we started working together, her big belief was that nobody nobody's gonna like me. Nobody they haven't liked me. Nobody will ever like me. And so that was a big one that we worked on with her.

Vicky Regina [00:30:09]:
And within less than we worked together for 6 months. But in less than 6 months, she had a circle of friends. She had a new person that she was dating, and we did that by changing how she was going out and meeting people because that allowed her to to see that, you know what? People actually do like me. I actually when I'm in environments that work for me, I'm not, like, up in my head wondering what to say. Like, conversation comes naturally, and she was making these these friends and she was making these connections. And so that allowed her to to change and see that, no. I'm not the problem here. I'm not the one that people don't like.

Vicky Regina [00:30:43]:
I was just going about this the wrong way in a way that didn't work for me.

David Hall [00:30:46]:
Yeah. So she changed her thought to people like me, but I gotta be in an environment that works for me. Thoughts like that.

Vicky Regina [00:30:54]:
Yep.

David Hall [00:30:54]:
Mhmm. And you just remind yourself from time to time. Any other tips on that?

Vicky Regina [00:31:01]:
Yeah. I it's it's I like to start my morning out just kinda journaling. Thinking of how am I feeling right now? That's actually a tip right there. If you're we have so many thoughts that go through our head, just in general. But as you had you mentioned, like, us introverts, we constantly constantly thoughts going through our head. So it can be hard to isolate and pull out the thoughts. But I also like to teach my clients to pay attention to what they're feeling in their body, whether that's emotions rather, whether it's anger, joy, happiness, sadness, fear, frustration, whatever it is, because all of that is a result of a thought. So if they can pay attention to what they're feeling and they're feeling something that doesn't feel so great, then and we can we identify those particular feelings that tend to come up a lot, then they can say, hey, what am I thinking right now that's causing this feeling? And that helps to isolate what those thoughts are as well.

David Hall [00:31:50]:
Yeah. So you're saying earlier that confidence and energy management go hand in hand. So we talked about confidence and strengths. So then how do you make a plan for your energy, you know, especially as an introvert?

Vicky Regina [00:32:03]:
Yeah. I think it really comes down to again, it's awareness. It it's always starts with awareness, but understanding what drains you. I think that's an e that sometimes can be an easier one, but there's a lot of little sneaky things that drain us that we're not aware of. So I always like to have my clients if we're specifically working on energy, and I'll do with this with all of my clients, it depends on if they need it, but to keep an energy log. And check-in, put something on your phone to remind you, like, every 2, 3 hours, no more than that. But check-in and say how where's my energy at right now? And I, you know, kinda teach them how to to rank it or scale it rather. And if it's whether it's gone up or down, what happened since the last time you took your took that score that changed it? Maybe your boss came in and was unhappy with you and that caused the thoughts going, which then drained your energy, which is something that if you were just sitting down thinking like what drains me, you might not think of something like that.

Vicky Regina [00:32:53]:
So we get really clear on what get really, really clear on what's draining you. Get really, really clear on what allows you to recharge, and then go through and look at look at your calendar, look at your schedule, and start to either pull things out that don't work for you, move things around so that, you know, the things that are more energy draining are in areas where you have more energy naturally. I also like to tell people to, you know, help them to buffer the things that they know they can't, like, get rid of. If they've got a meeting that they have to go to and they have to present and they know it's gonna be really draining, then you better buffer before and after some some of that recharging time so that you can get that to get that refuel your energy. Again, it's like the phone. Like, if you know you're gonna watch a video on your phone, you gotta plug it in afterwards because that drains your battery more. So it's it's a lot of awareness and then just taking a look at what what is happening in your world and then adjusting it accordingly. And it's it's, you know, it's trial and error too in seeing what works.

David Hall [00:33:52]:
Yeah. And, I do that. I haven't called it buffering, but I I like phrasing it that way. Definitely, at the end of the week, at the beginning of the week, I look at my week, and what does drain me? And can I put just can I block off some time? And in my world, that's really important because other people have access to my calendar. Other people can set meetings for me. It's very common for other people to set meetings for me, big and small. And where and I might still be working during that buffering time Mhmm. But working quietly on something that, you know, is not is is is I can recharge.

David Hall [00:34:29]:
Mhmm. But that's so important. And, you know, it's sometimes sometimes we get trained by things we really enjoy. You know?

Vicky Regina [00:34:36]:
Absolutely. Like

David Hall [00:34:37]:
like, with this podcast, I definitely give myself a hour ahead of time just to get in the right mind mindset and think about, okay. You know? What am I gonna talk about with Vicky today? And, you know, and I'm really enjoying this conversation. It's not draining me. But guess what? I have a hour after just in case I need to recharge. You know? And Yeah. I don't have anything planned, and and you just have to look at that. Yeah. Look at it weekly.

David Hall [00:35:04]:
You know? And take a larger look too. Like, just in general, how do you want your days to look? But, you know, get out your calendar. Where do I need some buffering time? Where you know, maybe I'm giving a presentation, and I I, you know, I may enjoy it. But afterward, if I could take some time, even if it's working quietly, you know, what what do I need there?

Vicky Regina [00:35:25]:
Yeah. And I used to when I was in corporate, I used to do this. I I had a you know, when I was a I was a product manager, we had a ton of meetings. And so it got to the point, especially during COVID, the early days of COVID, it I mean, my calendar could be completely booked out with meetings from the time I start till the end of the day, like, literally back to back, which was absolutely just exhausting. So I got in the habit of looking at my calendar ahead, at least a week ahead, sometimes 2 weeks ahead, and I knew I was good for about maybe 3 meetings, possibly 4 a day. And I would look and and my boss was okay with this. And I would look and say, okay. Where do I already have 3 meetings? So I've got 3 meetings.

Vicky Regina [00:36:04]:
I'm blocking off the rest of the day as, like, my work time. And I really started doing that. And I would have people be like, man, your calendar is always full. And I'm like, well, I have to you know, summer meetings

David Hall [00:36:13]:
have a

Vicky Regina [00:36:13]:
work time, but, you know, if you if it's really important, I can I can do it? But but, yeah, I had to take control of that myself because, otherwise, yeah, people will if they see 15 minutes in your calendar, they're they're because otherwise, yeah, people, if they see 15 minutes in your calendar, they're they're gonna take that 15 minutes. Yeah. That's funny. I'm a early riser,

David Hall [00:36:28]:
and I actually get a lot of work done early. And, normally, it's quiet time, but I did have someone that was, like, scheduling meetings, like, first thing in the morning, and I'm like, no. I'm not ready to talk. Yeah. Exactly. One of the best things I did was just block up the first 90 minutes of my day just to have that time to think, prepare, you know, do some planning, that kind of thing. And that was one of the best things. And so that's the automatic buffer that happens every week.

Vicky Regina [00:36:57]:
Absolutely. Yeah. I'm I'm with you. I need that. My brain has to, like, start has to get going a little slowly in the mornings.

David Hall [00:37:04]:
Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like, okay. So maybe your extroverted friend or colleague doesn't need that same time. That doesn't make make it any less needed for you, and sometimes we have to articulate that. And so with all this, whether it be work or personal relationships, how do you articulate your needs as an introvert? How do you, you know, say, set some boundaries like, hey. I love you, but I really need this, and it's not because I don't care about you or because I do, and I need to be my best. How how do you set those boundaries and articulate your own needs?

Vicky Regina [00:37:34]:
That is I will say that is hard. You know? And it's, yeah, it's as much as I I like to say I'm a proud introvert, as much as I'm a proud introvert, I am human, and I do sometimes feel I do feel bad because sometimes I need that time alone. But like you said, I know if I don't take it, it's not gonna be as good quality time with the people in my life. And so it's just telling them, trying to explain to them. I have clients asking this all the time, but what if they don't understand? And it's like that is that is tricky. We we just have to keep trying to explain it in ways. I don't think that it's ultimately our responsibility to ensure that they understand. It is our responsibility to explain it as best as we can, but you just gotta explain it and then put those put those boundaries in place.

Vicky Regina [00:38:17]:
And if they don't understand, it just it's just more and more communication. It's it it can be tough, though.

David Hall [00:38:23]:
Yeah. For sure. For sure.

Vicky Regina [00:38:24]:
And I think it's also like explaining it in different ways. So my boyfriend and I have been together for seven and a half years, and we just, this past weekend, had another conversation where I had to explain it in a different way. Like, he I think it was on Saturday. That was my my full day to myself, and he had messaged me midday to say, hey. You wanna go do x y z tonight? And I was like, you know, I I didn't I hadn't planned to allocate energy for that. And so I had to explain that to him on Sunday to be like, you know, I have to I'm I'm not good at spontaneity because I need to allocate my energy. And I had thought, you know, I never explained it to, like, explained it to him like this before. And he he got it in a different way.

Vicky Regina [00:39:01]:
So it's just it's ongoing. Just explaining it in different ways, explaining what you're feeling, and just letting letting them know. The more they know, I think it helps.

David Hall [00:39:10]:
Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, it's it's it is ongoing. One thing, though, like, maybe you really aren't up to doing something with your loved one or friend or whoever it is. Mhmm. But come up with the time where you are. You know?

Vicky Regina [00:39:24]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:39:25]:
So it's not like you're saying, no. I don't wanna be with you. It's like, oh, let's do this tomorrow. You know? Yeah. So coming up with an alternative to show that, yeah, I do wanna spend some time with you, but right now, I just I really need this. I'm very drained. I need this time to to recharge.

Vicky Regina [00:39:39]:
Yeah. That's a great point.

David Hall [00:39:41]:
So definitely on this show, we talk about strengths and needs of introverts and strategies for success, and I think we've done all that. But we also bust myths too. And I think we busted some myths here, but just maybe not directly. Is there is there another myth that you wanna bust today about introversion?

Vicky Regina [00:40:00]:
I mean, there's so many that, you know, introverts. And we we test on a lot of them. Introverts are not necessarily shy. They're not necessarily socially anxious. Introverts like people. There's a lot of lot of things that people introverts don't like people. And, I mean, those are the big ones that I always come up against. Yeah.

Vicky Regina [00:40:18]:
Yeah. Those are the main ones.

David Hall [00:40:20]:
And like I was saying earlier, it's like, I was shy, but understanding my introversion, I'm not shy anymore. People tell me, David, I I'm not sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert because, you know, I need this time alone, but I like people. I'm like, yeah. I like people too, and I'm an introvert. So

Vicky Regina [00:40:37]:
Yeah. Yeah. That reminds me one of there's here's here's another myth. Introverts can be outgoing.

David Hall [00:40:42]:
Yeah. A A

Vicky Regina [00:40:42]:
lot of times people think introverts are never outgoing. Introverts can totally be outgoing.

David Hall [00:40:47]:
Yeah. Again, it's just you have to understand, you know, I I think before I speak, I need to prepare, I need to manage my energy. Mhmm. But, yeah, I speak, I need to prepare. I need to manage my energy.

Vicky Regina [00:40:55]:
Mhmm.

David Hall [00:40:56]:
But, yeah, there's a lot of things that we wanna do. There's a lot of people we wanna connect with. There's a lot of fun we wanna have with others. Yeah. You just have to understand it all.

Vicky Regina [00:41:05]:
Yeah. And I think one final note on the the that point that introverts can be outgoing. I hear a lot of introverts say, oh, well, when I'm with my friends, I'm out I'm I'm extroverted. And that always just, like, like, irritates me because it's like, no. When you're with your friends, you feel more comfortable with them, and so you feel more confident with them, and so this gets back to the energy. Your energy lasts longer. And so, therefore, yeah, you can be yourself, but that doesn't mean that you're being extroverted. It just means that you're being yourself.

Vicky Regina [00:41:36]:
Because at some point, you're still gonna hit that wall where you're like, okay. I need to go and be by myself to recharge.

David Hall [00:41:42]:
Yeah. And the other piece of it is, in general, you're processing things internally and a lot comes with that. And so, yeah, that that drives me crazy too. It's like, no, You're not you're not an introverted extrovert or extroverted introvert. You have a preference. Most people have a preference for 1 or the other. And, again, we do all kinds of things, but mostly, we have a preference. Yeah.

David Hall [00:42:05]:
So this time has gone by really fast. Is there any other points that you wanna make on confidence and and energy management?

Vicky Regina [00:42:13]:
I think when it comes to confidence, it's it's just really give yourself permission and compassion to love yourself as you are and to believe in yourself and be curious be curious about what what is it that you what would change for you if you woke up tomorrow morning and we're not able to access any feelings of, like, I'm an introvert. I shouldn't be an introvert. Like, what would change? If you woke up actually, if you woke up tomorrow morning and it was actually an introverted world, what would change for you? And you were you were quote, unquote the I hate to say normal because there is no normal. But Right. Right. Perceptions of our world, what would change for you? And then be that person. And then when it comes to the energy side of things, know that what you need is valuable and know that what you need is worthy and that you don't have to apologize for what you need. It's just like you don't have to apologize for going to bed early when you didn't sleep well the night before.

Vicky Regina [00:43:03]:
You don't have to apologize if you need time alone because you've been peopling all week long.

David Hall [00:43:08]:
Yeah. I love that. I've never thought about that. What if it was just that's what we're working towards. I'm working towards a world that completely understands introversion. Yeah. You know? Extroversion too. Yeah.

David Hall [00:43:21]:
We're always gonna have introverts, extroverts. We need everybody, but I want the understanding to be there, like, what it means and Mhmm. You know, not

Vicky Regina [00:43:30]:
try to

David Hall [00:43:31]:
fix it.

Vicky Regina [00:43:31]:
Yes. Yeah.

David Hall [00:43:32]:
Well, where can people get a hold of you and find out more about the work you're doing and anything else you wanna say about the work that you're doing?

Vicky Regina [00:43:39]:
Yeah. No. They can find me. I'm on LinkedIn all the time, and I'm also I think you'll probably be linking to these, but I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram most of the time. And then my website is vickiregina.com. So you can find me there, although that needs to be updated. It's I've changed so much, and I just I need to update it. But, yes, you can still find me there.

Vicky Regina [00:43:58]:
But, yeah, that's that's where you can find me.

David Hall [00:44:00]:
Alright. Sounds great. I will put all of that in the show notes, and thanks again, Vicky. This has been a great conversation.

Vicky Regina [00:44:06]:
Yes. Thank you so much.

David Hall [00:44:08]:
Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com or check out the quietandstrong.com website, which includes blog posts and links to social media channels. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. If you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there's now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including the 4 letter Myers Briggs code, and you can also have the option of purchasing the full report if you'd like to learn more. I'll add a link to the show notes. So many great things about being an introvert, and we need those to be understood.

David Hall [00:44:46]:
Get to know your introverted strengths and needs, and be strong.