Ep 181 - Transforming Shyness into Strength with Michael Thompson

Have you ever wondered how to turn your shyness into an empowering strength?

In this episode of The Quiet and Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with Michael Thompson, the author of "Shy by Design" and a successful career coach based in Barcelona, Spain. Michael shares his incredible journey from a shy individual with a severe stutter to becoming a confident speaker and respected mentor. Listeners will uncover practical strategies for meaningful networking and the power of storytelling in making genuine connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Discover Michael's unique approach to networking, involving thoughtful, one on one engagements and meaningful conversations.
• Learn about the "AAA" approach: acknowledge, accept, ask, and how these steps can boost your confidence.
• Hear about Michael's personal system for tracking achievements
• Explore the art of storytelling to transform scattered thoughts into clear, impactful narratives.

By tuning into this episode, you'll not only gain invaluable tips and tactics for transforming your shyness into a strength, but you'll also be inspired by Michael's candid reflections on his life’s challenges and triumphs. Whether you're introverted, shy, or simply looking for ways to improve your communication skills, this episode offers a treasure trove of wisdom.

Listen in, learn, and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/181

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Michael Thompson grew up painfully shy with a debilitating stutter. Despite still being shy and at times, still stuttering, today he’s a career coach, leadership lecturer for master's students in Barcelona, Spain, and a strategic communication advisor to top business leaders around the globe.

Michael is the author of Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out and his work has been featured in dozens of mainstream publications including Business Insider, Fast Company, Apple News, Oprah Magazine, and more.

Website: MichaelThompson.art

Socials: LinkedIn | Medium | Substack 

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Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

quietandstrong.com
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david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Transcript

Michael Thompson [00:00:00]:
You don't have to be the loudest person in the room to make a meaningful impact on others. There's a lot of ways to go from a to b. For me, it came with a little bit of age. I had to, like, look back and see, like, how my dots were connecting, and those are the people around me. The second thing is even though the subtitle of the book is 12 principles, like, and they're my principles, the motivation of the book is to inspire others to make their own set of principles. Everything in the book, like, it has my name on it, but that book is a reflection of the good people in the world who took a chance on me, who taught me something. They left a trail for me to lead. And I adapted what they had taught me in to my own set set of principles.

Michael Thompson [00:00:49]:
And that's the motivation of the book is just to get curious about how you best operate, what your strengths are, what lights you up, and design your life around that.

David Hall [00:01:10]:
Hello, and welcome to episode 181 of the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David Hall, and the creator of quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts and strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we'll air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review or a rating. That would mean a lot to me and help other people find the show.

David Hall [00:01:42]:
Tell a friend about the podcast and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. Michael Thompson grew up painfully shy with a debilitating stutter. Despite still being shy at times, still stuttering today, he's a career coach, leadership lecturer for master students in Barcelona, Spain, and a strategic communication adviser to top business leaders around the globe. Michael is the author of Shibe by Design, 12 timeless principles to quietly stand out, and his work has been featured in dozens of mainstream publications, including Business Insider, Fast Company, Apple News, Oprah Magazine, and the blog of Steven Pressfield. Alright. Well, welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, Michael. Michael, so good to have you on today.

Michael Thompson [00:02:32]:
Thank you for having me, David. It's been a real thrill and, like, getting to know you over the last couple of weeks.

David Hall [00:02:37]:
Absolutely. I love your book, and we're gonna get into that. And before we do, let's just talk about you. Tell us a little bit about your journey to where you are now.

Michael Thompson [00:02:46]:
So so I grew up shy with a severe stutter. And I went through high school, college just kind of keeping to myself, scared to put myself out into the world. And after college, a few of my friends were out doing things in the world, and I got pretty jealous of that. So I kinda had a moment of reckoning where I was like I need to do something now to get over my my fear of speaking up, putting myself out into the world. So I did the thing that I didn't wanna do most is I pursued a job in sales. And for the 1st 90 days of that job, they went as expected, and I got hung up on, felt like a fool. But after that 3 month marker, I started to kind of step into my own with it. And within a year, I was promoted to sales manager.

Michael Thompson [00:03:36]:
I was a corporate trainer for 6 years after that. And what like, and I gained a ton of confidence. And it's like most sane people, I took that confidence and the cash I had made, and I went down to Central America in hopes to flip properties. That started well. Like, it was a cool idea for a 28 year old until the 2008 crisis hit, And my business partner's dad changed the deeds of the properties, and he sold them out from under me. So the day I was expecting the sale of a house, I got a call saying the money is not coming. And I've been dealing with that for 15 years. Now, I'm still dealing with that.

Michael Thompson [00:04:14]:
And so I did what most sane people do, and I went to a bar and stayed there for about 2 years in Central Pennsylvania. And I finally, kind of at my wits end, like, was like, I need to get out of here. I bought a one way ticket. I took the $3,000 I had left, and I bought a ticket to Barcelona, Spain. And I took a course to teach English. I love training and coaching, and the teaching reminded me of that. And I met my wife giving a presentation seminar for the Catalan government. 6 months in of being in Barcelona, we started a family.

Michael Thompson [00:04:49]:
I started to do consulting. So I was teaching English originally that that rolled into consulting and coaching for executives and brands. And right around the time that my first son was born, I quit smoking. I couldn't leave the house to play golf for 5 hours like some people do. So I sat down and I began to write. And looking back, I think of it as, wow, I spent 15 years in the sales world. And my voice, my writing like, my voice of how I communicate best is in writing. And I got addicted.

Michael Thompson [00:05:22]:
And I began to write down all of my stories, the lessons I've learned. And that kind of led me into where I am now, where half the time, that opened doors for me to teach leadership at a university university here in Barcelona. I coach executives, I career coach, and I write. So looking back, it all kind of, like, makes sense. The things I did, sales to teaching. But it took me a while for my dots to to officially connect. But I couldn't be happier. It seems like this isn't my the work I've been meant to do, and I help other people to step into their voice, own their story, and staying confidently in their own skin without sacrificing.

Michael Thompson [00:06:02]:
They are their core. Yeah.

David Hall [00:06:04]:
Yeah. Thank you. That is a great story. Let's go back just a little bit. So what was it in your upbringing that how did that impact your confidence?

Michael Thompson [00:06:12]:
So my dad was in the air force, and he's one of those guys that's 6 foot 5 when you close your eyes, but when you open him, he's about 5 10. Just a commanding presence, stoic. My brother's kinda the same way. Everybody around me, we moved every year or 2, so I was always in an army barracks growing up. And the the advice there was stand up straight, head back. If you're gonna shake somebody's hand, break it. And I was not that at all. So I was the quiet kid.

Michael Thompson [00:06:42]:
In all of my family photos, like, I'm behind my mom's, like, my head's peeking out. And so, like, I always thought that like, and it was reinforced that I had to change who I was. And it took me a long like, those narratives, you know, over and over again stuck in the back of my head. So I always kinda felt like I wasn't good enough, I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't smart enough, surrounded by more alpha types, like, not to put anybody in buckets or anything. And that upbringing shaped the way like, the story I told myself. And taking the sales job was kind of, like, the first time where my eyes opened to the fact that, hey, like, maybe I don't have to listen to that stuff.

David Hall [00:07:26]:
Yeah. So how did you you know, it it's amazing that you took the sales job. How did you find success in it?

Michael Thompson [00:07:33]:
It's amazing that a place hired me, actually. The sales job, like, my first, I wanna say the 1st day or second day, we we had to do role plays. And I was as soon as I heard the word role plays, I freaked out. Like, I'm not getting in front like like like, you have to practice with a couple of people and then you have to do it in front of the group. And I was close to running out the door. I was like, I am not doing this. And my manager grabbed me. He saw my unease, like and he was like, come with me.

Michael Thompson [00:08:04]:
I'm stealing it. And he threw me in the corner of the office, like, and just gave me a folder of dead leads, like, and said, just find your own footing. Here's some scripts, but get hung up on and screw up as much as you can. And I really appreciated that at the time just because he was like, hey, like, some people are good at, like, the fast and loud. Other are quiet and slow. Like, he appreciated that some need to just figure out on their own. So that was the first thing. And the 3 months into the job was the holiday party, and they listed off the 10 most successful sales people in the office.

Michael Thompson [00:08:41]:
And half of it it was black, white, young, old, charismatic, quiet. Like, it's spanned the gauntlet of human experience. So I was like, oh, wow. Like, it like, it doesn't have to be one way or the other. So that got me through it. My mind those two things were were real really instrumental. And, like, a third thing is I went to a sales seminar around the same time as the holiday party. And the keynote speaker said something, like, as he was gathering up his stuff about it's like, if all else fails, if you can't get someone to talk to you, just start stuttering.

Michael Thompson [00:09:19]:
They'll see you as a human being instead of a salesperson. And these three things just kind of like my mind started to just kind of explode and expand, like, wait a second. Like, maybe I do belong here. But my first view but my thought process, looking back now, it's hard for me to believe I didn't like, I took the job in the first place. But once I put myself out into the world, I got cues from, like, that that I did belong there and I could be good at it. And just listening to those cues instead of 10 negative things, what happened in the day, one good thing where my eyes opens, like, and I had just a focus on those good things and build from there.

David Hall [00:10:00]:
Yeah. That's amazing. And I'm just thinking of of that supervisor. Like, he probably didn't say that to everybody. He saw how you needed something different.

Michael Thompson [00:10:11]:
It's like, I think of leadership, I think of him. Like, that that image of him doing that meant the like, I was 22, 23 at the time. My friends were all, like, in jobs, high flying. I had taken a sales job, and my my first or second day, I was ready to leave it. Like, and he pulled me aside like, it was just, like, the nicest thing to do. And he, like, he would adapt to each individual, which is something that I do now. And the masses followed him because of it. But, yeah, like, there was a heck of a thing for a guy to do, especially in a fast paced environment for him to be scanning, kind of observing everybody and thinking that there may be another way for this kid.

David Hall [00:10:54]:
Yeah. So, you know, on this show, we talk a lot about introverts and extroverts, and we talk a lot about leadership. And that is one of the keys is really recognizing each person's strengths. You know? We need extroverts and introverts on our teams, and it's a lot of work to understand each member of your team, but it it makes a great leader. So that's a that's a great part of your story.

Michael Thompson [00:11:17]:
Yeah. Like, just the observation fact that stuck with me, and it's listening. It's observing. Like, it's always a good like, a lot of the world now is so fast paced. Like, move fast and break stuff. And sometimes it's best just to kinda sit back and move slowly and watch, observe, listen.

David Hall [00:11:36]:
Yeah. Yeah. So this leads into, I'm loving your book, Shy by Design. Tell us a little bit more about that. What inspired you to write it, and just what's the main message of it?

Michael Thompson [00:11:48]:
So what inspired me to write it is there's there's two big reasons. I was writing about the topic a lot for places like Business Insider, for Fast Company, on my own blog. Like and it felt like it was time for a book to pull it all together. And also, my 2 my my kids, my oldest stutters. And he's like, he's shy. He's introvert like, he, like, he is me cloned, as a kid. And I kinda wanted just to write a book that I wanted when I was young and for him to read when he's of age, just to let him know he's already cool. He can fit is like, he's got a good head on his shoulders, like, and it's and that the world like, it's gonna be okay.

Michael Thompson [00:12:33]:
Yeah? And the third reason is my dad like, right when I started my book proposal, my dad called me and he said he had cancer. And the book felt pretty trivial, like, in the grand scheme scheme of things at the time. This was right when COVID started, and he I couldn't fly back to the United States to see him. It was a very, like, weird experience of, hey, like, not being able to support the people who you who you love most and be there with them. And kinda what snapped me out of it is he started to talk one day on the phone about his legacy and, like, he wish he had written down more of his stories for me and my 2 brothers. And he kinda just encouraged me. He's like, hey, is is like, I'm gonna start my memoir for you guys while I'm going through this as a way to pass the days, and I want you to keep going. So those three things combined really got a fire under me for it, And I think it'll motivate me for a long time to come.

Michael Thompson [00:13:36]:
And for your second question of the overall theme, there's 2 big ones for me. Like, the first one is that you don't have to be the loudest person in the room to make a meaningful impact on others. There's a lot of ways to go from a to b. For me, it came with a little bit of age. I had to, like, look back and see, like, how my dots were connecting, and those are the people around me. The second thing is even though the subtitle of the book is 12 principles, like, in their my principles, the motivation of the book is to inspire others to make their own set of principles. Everything in the book, like, it has my name on it, but that book is a reflection of the good people in the world who took a chance on me, who taught me something. They left a trail for me to lead.

Michael Thompson [00:14:27]:
And I adapted what they had taught me in to my own set set of principles. And that's the motivation of the book. It's just to get curious about how you best operate, what your strengths are, what lights you up, and design your life around that.

David Hall [00:14:45]:
Yeah. That's great. Because that's that's what this show is all about. What are your strengths? What lights you up? And throughout your book, you just have some great strategies, you know, to connect with other people, to have confidence in what you're doing. And, yeah, that's awesome. So we're gonna get more into deeper into those.

Michael Thompson [00:15:02]:
Thanks.

David Hall [00:15:04]:
So what are what are some strengths that the quiet or the introverted can do? What qualities do they bring that they can leverage in their careers?

Michael Thompson [00:15:15]:
I always think that the most valuable people first take the time to understand what other people value. And, like, a lot of shy, extroverted, like, are introverted, reserved, quiet, they they sit back and kind of absorb. They observe. They listen. They're curious of other people. They're strategic thinkers. They sit back and they they take the time to actually sit and think. And right now, today's world is very much the opposite of that.

Michael Thompson [00:15:50]:
And the people like, if you wanna stand out, like, a smart way to do it is just watch what everyone else is doing and do the opposite. Right? And just the observation skill, like, a lot of us like to take notes or, like, some form of art and some kind or collection process of how we're processing the world and the people around us. Those skills, I think, are these skills. For me, the just the thing of observation, I don't wanna harp on that too much, is just the sitting back process, and observing the people around you and taking your time. Like, we're allowed to move slowly. Taking, like, the right steps slowly gets you to where you need to go eventually. So I think we can beat ourselves up a lot for not being as vocal. But as you get older too, it's always like the CEO types always say that the quiet ones are the most dangerous ones in the world.

Michael Thompson [00:16:42]:
And it is true. Like, what's that person thinking? Why are they taking notes? What are they writing down? You know, it's kind of a it's kind of mysterious.

David Hall [00:16:51]:
Yeah. There's many different strengths. Like, not all introverts are alike. But what you just described, I think, is common for all introverts. We are deep thinkers and observers, and that's so needed. We need to look at how are things going? Where can we make things better? And it's it's those thoughts that are different that make the world a better place. You know, the these it's new ideas that help make things better. And so yeah.

David Hall [00:17:19]:
And that was something I figured out. It's like, oh, quiet and strong. The quiet part just means I'm thinking. And I figured out as as confident as I become, I'm never gonna I'm never gonna speak as much as my extroverted friend is. You know? I'm gonna speak plenty, but there's always gonna be time where I am thinking, and that's my, you know, natural state. So that's that's awesome.

Michael Thompson [00:17:43]:
That just reminded me of the strength of thinking before you speak. It is just massive today, you know, and it is of taking the time. For me, writing, it's very interesting. I still stutter some today. It's like I'm very cool with it though. It's just kinda like my wife, she thinks it's cute. But I didn't like, I was still stuttering pretty badly until I started to write, and, like, it just helped me to organize the thoughts in my head. And now on shows like this, like, are giving a class, it's like I know what I'm gonna say because I've already written it.

Michael Thompson [00:18:16]:
And taking the time just to kind of sit with that and sit with those thoughts, how like, if you have to give an interview, writing out your answers first, like, thinking through how are you gonna respond. Just that gives you a leg up.

David Hall [00:18:30]:
Yeah. That's for sure. And, that's another skill that we have. We're often better in writing than speaking. But the writing really clarifies for us, you know, who we are and clarifies ideas. I think that's that's when it really became clear for me is I started blogging about 10 years ago about introversion, and that really just solidified, like, my thoughts. And now I can speak about it freely, and I don't I don't have to give it much thought. I could I joke that I could talk about introversion for hours.

David Hall [00:19:02]:
You know?

Michael Thompson [00:19:05]:
Like, it's funny that the back to your point of the of, like, knowing what you're gonna say is there like, I look back now and I wrote about things that, like, what are my values? What do I wanna do with my life? I waited until I was 38. And looking back, it's kind of like, woah, woah, woah. It's like I was moving fast when I just because I thought I had to. But once I actually embraced who I what like, and actually sat down and thought about these things and started to write, that's when the clarity came. Like and now I can talk about any topic. Like, similar to you, if we were together in a room for for 8 hours, my bet is the 2 of us would talk for 8 hours straight.

David Hall [00:19:43]:
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. We've had some good conversations so far, so absolutely. In your book, you talk about choosing comfort over confidence. What does that mean?

Michael Thompson [00:19:54]:
So my my upbringing was very much a confident, you know, fake it until you make it. And that just didn't work for me at all. And comfort what I realized with my first manager at the sales job was is, like, he made me feel comfortable. Like, he even actually said I have it in the book about, like, hey, like, most people aren't gonna last long if they're not comfortable at work. Like, get yourself comfortable. So that's the first thing. And, like, as like, it's a two way street. It's, like, what are the conditions for me to be comfortable? And what are the conditions that I can help the person I'm speaking with to be at ease? And for me to be comfortable, I generally like, I have my own like, it's like I'm not just gonna approach 50 people a day and start a conversation.

Michael Thompson [00:20:40]:
Like, that's not my style at all. It's more strategic of, like, hey, that person I'm curious about. Generally, with, like, with conversations online, like, if I'm reading someone for a while, that helps me to get comfortable just because I know their backstory a bit. So if I have to start a conversation with them, I know which directions to take it. But I think my real strength is making other people feel comfortable around me just because I didn't like, it's like the obstacle is the way thing. Right? Like, I grew up not feeling comfortable in having conversations, and I hated the feeling. And so my goal, I think, unconsciously just became to make other people feel as comfortable as possible. And over the years, I've figured out ways to make that happen.

Michael Thompson [00:21:29]:
And just being approachable is one thing. But one tip that really like, it's a quirky tip that Robin Driek, who's the former head like, I'm gonna butcher his title just because it's long. He was the former head of counterintelligence at the FBI's behavioral analysis program. Like, I actually think that's right. Like, even though it's a good word.

David Hall [00:21:51]:
Sounds good.

Michael Thompson [00:21:53]:
He has a book entitled, it's not all about me. And in that, he's got this one great sentence where he says that if you wanna make like, when you're approaching somebody, their guard's going up. Like, who is this person? Are they dangerous? Is it a threat? And he said that the key to a great first conversation is to let people know that you're that you're not gonna be taking up much of their time. So what he means by that is going at like, if I started a conversation with somebody on the street or, like, a bar or restaurant, it's like, hey, I have to grab my kids in 5 minutes, but I'm curious about hey, I have to meet my wife in 7 minutes, whatever it is. But but I'm interested. I gotta run to a meeting, but your book caught my eye. What these things do is, like like, it's almost a sense of relief that this stranger who just came up to me, like, isn't gonna waste all of my day. Like like and what I found is they bring a lot more energy to it.

Michael Thompson [00:22:52]:
Like, oh, hey. It's really good to meet you. Like, instead of, like, being a bit hesitant. For me to get comfortable, like, speaking to a lot of people, like, it's those quick wins, those high energy conversate like, it doesn't have to be high energy or fast paced, but just a positive energy conversation of a quick hit of a question about one thing. That's just a way that that makes me comfortable and the person on the the other end also.

David Hall [00:23:18]:
Yeah. And, you know, I I can't help but think I I think sometimes maybe the introverted or quiet person, we don't wanna get dragged into long conversations. You know, if they're a deep conversation, great, but we definitely don't wanna get dragged into endless small talk. And that I think that is a fear that we have, and so I like that approach.

Michael Thompson [00:23:39]:
It's enter like, I haven't seen it anywhere else, and that, like, the first time I saw it, I was like, that is just the most genius thing I've ever heard just because I don't wanna talk for an extended amount of time. The person to go out speaking with, maybe they're shy also. Like, we have these these, like, notions of, like, we think we know the person in front of us if they're tall and handsome and in a suit. We have no idea. So I just think it's one of those things would like where it's a first like, for me, a first impression the goal of a first impression is to earn a second conversation. Like, that's it. I used to put a lot of pressure on to perform or something and have a script. The the reality is is, like, do you give off a good feeling? Like, if that's quick, great.

Michael Thompson [00:24:24]:
Like, yeah. Like, meet up with them again. It's really and it like, like, the thing works like charm too. It's like it's just a fun way to get to know people quickly, ask a quick question, get out. It's not going well, perfect. You have an excuse. Right? You you gotta grab your kids. So very low stakes.

David Hall [00:24:43]:
Yeah. So what other ways I mean, throughout your book, you write about other ways to have confidence and act with boldness. Tell us a little more about that.

Michael Thompson [00:24:52]:
So the boldness thing, like, I have to do things for for my job that I'm petrified at times and downright scared in others. Like, I have to get in front of groups at at university. They give talks at times. I have to give interviews. And one tool that has really helped me out is is called triple a. It's called acknowledge, accept, ask. And a client of mine, I helped her write a book maybe 5 years ago called The Self Care Mindset. And the framework immediately stood out to me.

Michael Thompson [00:25:24]:
I was like, oh, that that makes a lot of sense. And so if you're like, if you're scared to give a presentation, like, acknowledge that the date's coming up. Kind of accept how you're feeling, like, in to have nerves as human. Like, it's kind of like, if you're not, like, a little nervous, like, you're you probably don't care enough. Then to ask yourself, what do I need so I can feel a little more confident, a little more in control? Like, I actually have those 3, like, pinned on my office wall, like, with the question, what do I need so that I can And just that simple question of, like, if I have to give a presentation, like, it could be that the thing I need is to just review the strong parts of the of the presentation to get some confidence again. It could be to call a friend and walk through it with them. It could be to take a break for a day. But just physically sitting down and asking, you know, it's, like, what do I need to push through this? Like, this means a great deal to me.

Michael Thompson [00:26:24]:
Yeah. It just slows you down enough, like, in, like, in the work like, like, in speaking of just pausing. Like, what is my body sending me? What are the feelings? What are the emotions? Like, in kinda sitting with it, like, and asking what do you need to move forward? The other thing I have is called a holy shit jar. Okay. And I don't have much. But, like, just me being here today, it, like, it means I'm brave. Right? Like, anybody who's alive today has gone through adversity, has gone through challenges. So kind of like, anytime I do anything that surprises me, where I'm proud of, is, like, I'll make a quick note, and I'll like, and I'll throw it in my my fully shit jar as a reminder of that I am being brave already.

Michael Thompson [00:27:09]:
And that those two exercises combined are kind of my my go tos, acknowledging I'm human, like, what do I need to face tomorrow, and keeping track of the things I'm proud of. Just because it's so easy to, like going back to the, like, the story in my head for years years years was often negative. If if I screwed up a presentation, that's the memory that came to my head as soon as I heard presentation. You make physical notes to throw in the jar? Yeah. Yeah.

David Hall [00:27:46]:
Like, You make physical notes to throw in the jar?

Michael Thompson [00:27:49]:
Yeah. Yeah. Like, we have one for our kids too. Like, a family one too. Like, a whole like, here in Spain, swearing isn't as bad as it is in the US.

David Hall [00:27:57]:
Okay. So

Michael Thompson [00:27:59]:
that the kids would like like something they, like, will switch that to, like, a cool thing each day and a cool thing that they learned or experienced. But for me, it's more like, holy shit, I did that thing. I think of myself, like, at times as weak and scared and all these things, and then these these reminders are like, hey, I'm doing it's like it's like I'm speaking in front of groups. I'm doing things really outside of my comfort zone. So I'm doing good, like, and I'm like, I'm living. You know? Like, the things that I don't like doing generally make me feel the most alive. It's kind of a bad addiction. It's like I'm not gonna jump off a cliff.

Michael Thompson [00:28:34]:
But me getting in front of a group is the equivalent for some people of jumping off of a cliff. Like, I'm gonna find strength in the stuff I've already done.

David Hall [00:28:42]:
Yeah. I think you made a couple really good points that go together, and that's something that's really helped me. It's like I'm not perfect, but nobody is. You know? And then really remembering your accomplishments, really keeping track of those, And I think that's a big boost of confidence, those things together for me, anyway.

Michael Thompson [00:29:03]:
Yeah. And and the I think Warren Buffett said he was talking about finance, but he said something like 12 investment decisions had made all the difference in his career. So he made millions of investments or decisions. But the 12 yeah. He focuses on those 12. And that's what I try and do in terms of, like, the things I've done in my life is to focus on the good. Look, like and I do think that does come with some some age and experience, like, meeting my wife for one thing. Like, she thought it was cute.

Michael Thompson [00:29:36]:
I stuttered, and I was giving a presentation at a government thing, and I had moved to Spain as an illegal immigrant. And I talked to god like, I got the presentation gig. And to enter the building, I had to use a passport of an Irish guy who kinda looked like me and kinda didn't. And I, like, looked back on those things, and it's like that's what I wanna remember. Not the times I screwed up a presentation. Not that, like, I met my wife by doing something hard. Like, and she thought it was cute. Like, and that's enough.

Michael Thompson [00:30:06]:
That win right there defines most of my life.

David Hall [00:30:09]:
Wow. That's great.

Michael Thompson [00:30:12]:
Yeah. It's interesting. Like, moving to Spain, like, like, I'm naive. Like, I didn't realize that, like, Americans just can't do whatever they want in any other country. And after 90 days, it was like, your visa's up, kid. And I was like, whatever. Like, this means I gotta go home? So I worked under the table for about a year and a half, just cash jobs, and I had to knock on doors and stuff. Like and it was a really great experience to get, you know, just to get a hunger back and to go after the things I wanted to do.

Michael Thompson [00:30:42]:
But it was a great Yeah. Like, looking back at that ex that year and a half was probably, like, the best time of my life. Look, it's like I had to make it. Yeah.

David Hall [00:30:51]:
Yeah. Wow. And then in your book, you also talk a lot about how you network, and I thought it was very helpful. Tell us about that. What's your networking strategies?

Michael Thompson [00:31:05]:
So my networking strategies is very much a 1 on 1 technique. Networking events, I've done them. I've worked with startup boot camps. I've had to do the whole the the song the song and dance. I thrive best going at people 1 on 1. And in terms of my writing, for example, so I started to write 7 or 8 years ago. And about a year into it, I was, like, like, it was kinda boring. It was like it was like it was like, I'm at home alone all day.

Michael Thompson [00:31:33]:
This can't be the only way to do this. And I began a habit of for every article I wrote so each week, I wrote an article, and each week, I had to reach out to someone else who was doing some work I admired, requesting them, like, a chance to get on a call with them. And what that did if I have a week, like, and there's a there's somebody who's writing articles on, like, a similar topic or a complete completely opposite topic, and I find them fascinating. It's it's like I would kinda track notes of the things that they believe, likes, hobbies. So when I reached out to them, it really wasn't a cold message. It's like, it was very apparent I was curious in them. And I think if you follow it, like, it's easy to kind of, like, look at the people above you and be like, I wanna be that person. I need to get to know that person.

Michael Thompson [00:32:26]:
When sometimes an easier way is just to start with the people around you or even a touch below in their career. I get some motivation going, some low minimum going. And one really smart thing I did is I just started to reach out to people who had said that they were shy in their writing. It was just kind of an like, looking back now is, like, what? Like, this person's riding a similar lane. They're shy. My articles are about shyness also. Like, it's kinda clear that we we have a connection. And I didn't have to go at them hard, like, just because I wouldn't like a hard sell message.

Michael Thompson [00:33:06]:
But over time, I developed, like, a, like, kinda kind of a framework of sending out emails that that got responses. And I never would have thought that email would be my go to tool. But essentially, like, most things I start are via email just because it's, like, people's emails are open all day. Some people hate them, but at the same time, most emails, like, are either trying to get your time or money. And what I would do for every first email was just a thank you message. Thanks to you doing x, I've been able to accomplish y or view y in a different lens. And I would just keep it really light, just showing that I was curious on them. I've been following along.

Michael Thompson [00:33:48]:
Like, in those emails, would usually net a response. That response would kinda open up the door to go for an ask. But doing it at my own pace, like, I had a challenge of 1 person a week, but that's not a lot. Like, it is like, I could do the same thing. I read a like, instead of scrolling on social media, I pick 1 person from history of, like, a week who I'm interested in. It's like and I'll just watch books and videos on them for a week. And you learn a lot in that time, like, even if it's, like, a couple hours total. So, like, I very much felt confident reaching out to people because I've done my homework on them, like, and they could feel that I was interested also.

David Hall [00:34:30]:
Yeah. And that's so important because I do get so many emails that are people are looking to sell something, and they have no idea what I'm even doing. You know? It's you have to show the interest and that that's that's that's key, you know?

Michael Thompson [00:34:46]:
Yeah. To and it's the thing of, like, if you're like, if you have an email that says thank you in a subject line, you're, like, you're gonna read it. Like, like and if it's kind of a lightweight thing to start, like, not, like, just not even asking for anything, Maybe you don't remember the person's full name, but if you're pinged back at some point, like, it's gonna spark a memory. I tried to there there's a rule in marketing called the rule of 7 that someone, like, needs to be exposed to a message 7 times before it sticks. So if you're sending like, if you're like, if you wanna get get on the radar of somebody you admire in your field, leaving a comment on a social media post is a good start. Like, just these small things, sending a thank you email, a comment on a blog post, or a video that they share. Like, all of those things stack up. Like, when you don't like, you know, like, when it's like, it comes time for an ask, it's kind of the next logical step in the relationship.

Michael Thompson [00:35:48]:
So it's not a it's like I'd like to go slow. Once a week sounds a lot for a lot of people. Like, pick 1 person a month who you'd like who you'd you'd like to get to know. There there there's no clock on this. But if you do that for 2 years, it's 25 people who half of which my bet is you'll make a connection with. And in my book, I have a thing of, like, if you can get together a group of shy people, like, you can collectively make noise together. So, like, you don't have to have a lot of people in your corner. I've talked with a lot of people.

Michael Thompson [00:36:21]:
I have 10 really great friends in this sector now. You know? But it is fun to try and, you know, it's like, what? How would you like to be approached from someone if you were in exposition? And, generally, it's not the hard pushes. Like, it's just the thoughtfulness, the consistency in showing up.

David Hall [00:36:39]:
Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. That's, it's funny. Like, someone might think a group of of 10 shy people might not have a lot to say, but there's a myth right there. You know? As as we talked about, we're deep thinkers, so we got a lot to say. You know?

Michael Thompson [00:36:54]:
You sound a bit Yeah. And the small talk, usually, you run through that pretty quick. So it is the like, you have the most meaningful conversations with yeah. Like, that doesn't have to be a group of extroverts at all.

David Hall [00:37:07]:
Yeah. That's the thing. It's like, you know, I've I've I've learned to make small talk, but it's it's it's, really usually the gateway to get into the deep conversations I wanna have. And, you know, once you have the small talk or maybe sometimes with some people, you could just skip it and get to those great conversations. And so, anyway Yeah. It's and you get the the what you think is the quiet person talking, and you might not be able to get them to stop talking.

Michael Thompson [00:37:36]:
That's the goal. Right? Like, I mean, my they're a conversation starter. I don't have a ton of them in there, but a client of mine, she wrote a Kim Dabbs is her name, and she wrote a beautiful book called You Belong Here. And she asked people, where do you call home? So it's just a flip of, like, where are you from? But speaking of home, it's a place of comfort. So that opens the door for her to talk about, like, what interests like, what it is about that place that brings out the best of you. Could be that someone's living in a new city. Like, in home is Alabama. Like like, there's a ton of follow-up questions to get to the heart of why they just moved to a new city.

Michael Thompson [00:38:18]:
What do they miss? You know what I mean? Like, you can get that question opens up meaningful conversations really, really quickly.

David Hall [00:38:25]:
Yeah. And that's the thing too. It's like, I I know many people, you know, that quiet or introverted are they don't know how to do that sometimes, but there's so many things you can learn about getting the conversation going and and getting to those deep conversations that you wanna have.

Michael Thompson [00:38:47]:
Yep. Like, that's the like, and it's just the curiosity, like, in in start in starting a conversation, like, with somebody. Kim Kim's question's great, but, generally, it's like, I try and go, like, really super easy. Like, how are you doing? And the thing in the book too about, like, make a comment on the weather. It's like everyone's like, don't talk about the weather.

David Hall [00:39:08]:
It's like

Michael Thompson [00:39:09]:
everybody's on it. Like, and you don't think someone's stupid at the end. Like, if you have a connection, like, you're not gonna disregard that person just because they said it's cloud. So it's just kind of, like, all of those first sentences, phrases, questions, like, are just to let people kinda chill out getting get a read on you. So for me, I, like, I I overestimated how much I need to blow somebody's socks off in a conversation. Like, the reality is, like, hi. How are you? Like, in Spain, that's all people say. There's not list of here's a question to ask someone right away.

Michael Thompson [00:39:43]:
It's just, hey, what's up? That's it. Yeah.

David Hall [00:39:47]:
Yeah. And I think you make a really good point. Like, I think I think for someone that's shy often, we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to blow someone's socks off as you said, and it's it's it's not needed. You know? It's that's funny.

Michael Thompson [00:40:03]:
Going back, I wish I could rename the book something like everything I learned as a kid was wrong.

David Hall [00:40:09]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Michael Thompson [00:40:12]:
It's like you don't have to listen to everybody. Yeah.

David Hall [00:40:15]:
So I know storytelling is really important to you. Just and that can also be part of making connections and things. Tell us a little bit more about that. How can we tell effective stories? How can we use it to make connections?

Michael Thompson [00:40:28]:
So the storytelling thing is I got into it. I I was writing like, I started to write, and like a lot of writers, I was doing listicle things. Like, and I started to get traction from the listicles. And a friend of mine, he emailed me, like, alright. It's clear that you can write a listicle. Go learn a new skill. And I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, I'm earning a living as a writer now. You know, it looks like an but the more I thought about it, like, the more his advice of, like, change before you have to made made a lot of sense.

Michael Thompson [00:41:00]:
And like most people, I loved stories as a kid. And I I I just kinda blocked it out. You know? Like, growing up, the world, like, has changed in the last fives like, the last decade. But me starting out my career is, like, we didn't have things like storytelling coaches, like, and this kind of stuff. I just wasn't in that world at all. And I got obsessed with the art of telling a story, like, and I met like, it's the it's the world's strongest bridge. It's the human connector. It like, and I've my obsession, I I don't think we'll ever die for it.

Michael Thompson [00:41:36]:
And what I like to do my stories is I'm pretty open. Like, my book isn't how I became, like, a billionaire. It's more it's like I took something I was bad at, and today I'm less bad at it. It's like it's like I'm not necessarily an expert, like, in x, y, and z. It's more of, like, here are the the steps that got me out of being horrible. And, generally, those stories, like, I'm being open in my being vulnerable and open. I generally write about my feelings, scared, embarrassed. And but a decent amount of people, when I started to write, kinda warned me that I'm ruining my career with this.

Michael Thompson [00:42:22]:
And the opposite has happened. So I've been so I've done collaborations with the former chief of HR, Apple, and I got asked to teach at leadership here in Barcelona. All of it's from the storytelling angle. And just to get started with your own stories, like, it sounds like a big thing. It's like, what's my story? It's like, that's too big of a question to start. Like, we generally have 2 types of stories. It's like your cornerstone stories, like, how you like, your x to y stories that take people on a tran like a transformation from shy to confident, from worthless, worthwhile, poor to rich. And we generally have a couple of those.

Michael Thompson [00:43:03]:
For me, it's I grew up shy and stuttering, and now I'm a communication coach. I lost all of my money in Central America. I found happiness broke in Spain. I was scared to have a family. Now, my, like, my favorite thing in the world is to be a father. So those are, like, really big keys, like, themes. But what often connects more, like, you can't go around saying those stories every day. Right? People are gonna be, like, yeah, I heard that yesterday.

Michael Thompson [00:43:31]:
So there's corn there's there's Cornerstone, then there's Circadian stories, just to keep with a sea theme. That's your daily experience, 24 hour cycles. And for my cornerstone stories, like, the easiest thing is we hear about this in in therapies, creative workshops, is the timeline in your life exercise. Start at x, like, when you were born. Go to today. You got a piece of paper. It's like, it's it's turned horizontal. You write down all of your big life moments from career, relationships, moving, travel, whatever impacted you, just to get the notes going.

Michael Thompson [00:44:15]:
And what I do after that, like, is I'll niche down a timeline in your life exercise for the times that I felt embarrassed, the times I felt shame, the times I felt joyful and extremely happy. So I have, like, different buckets, like, a big bucket of my big life of things and then smaller subsections of different emotions. Just keeping track of that, like, you can take an hour or 2, and you'd be surprised at how many experiences, like, or feelings kind of arise just from sitting down for an hour or 2. And the stories are gonna start to get like, you'll start to see themes. For this circadian stories, the 24 hour like, my job is to notice the world. So I asked myself 5 questions at the the end of each day like clockwork. And it it like, it's one thing I learned, one thing I did poorly, one thing I'm proud of, one way that somebody helped me, and one thing I could've done better. Or or or, like, or now, like, one one memory that popped into my head.

Michael Thompson [00:45:22]:
Those are, like, really simple questions that you can write a sentence on. Like, in the end of a month, you'll have a 150 sentences to kinda play with, like ideas for for sparks of stories. So, like, if it's something you learned, like, what's the story of not knowing it? How did you learn it? Who taught it to you? What did it mean to you? All of those things can make for a great story. So my collection process is just about everything. If I didn't have my collection process, there's no way I'd be able to share stories and and stay online, basically, and have a book. Like, it's a collection prod like, if you speak with Ryan Holiday's, a, like, super prolific writer. I think he's done 13 books in 13 years or something. He has a note card system that, like, literally, he pieces together his books from his note card.

Michael Thompson [00:46:14]:
So his daily action of doing that makes the big thing.

David Hall [00:46:18]:
Yeah. And I will say you are a great storyteller because I have been reading your book, and this has been a great conversation today. So, Michael, tell us where we can find out more about you and and your book that's coming out, Shai by Design.

Michael Thompson [00:46:35]:
So my website is michael thompson.art, like, a r t. There are a lot of Michael Thompsons in the world. So, like and I actually like that the the dot art one just because I view storytelling as an art and, like, and words as an art. I'm on LinkedIn, probably, like, the most active right now on LinkedIn, and my handle is mike thompsonblog.com. And I write on Medium regularly, Michael Thompson, Substack. I just started a Substack with the same name as the book, Shy by Design. Those are the only places I'm really active. Like, I like long form, like, substack and medium, it's more long form.

Michael Thompson [00:47:16]:
LinkedIn, I'm usually sharing longer things instead of just, you know, fast quotes. So if you're listening and you wanna say hi, please like, the reason I write is to meet people. So please do drop me a line.

David Hall [00:47:29]:
Alright. Thanks again for the great conversation and and your great story, Michael.

Michael Thompson [00:47:33]:
Thanks for having me on.

David Hall [00:47:35]:
Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david {at} quietandstrong.com or check out the quietandstrong.com website, which includes blog posts and links to social media channels. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. If you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there's now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including the 4 letter Myers Briggs code, and you can also have the option of purchasing the full report if you'd like to learn more. I'll add a link to the show notes. So many great things about being an introvert, and we need those to be understood.

David Hall [00:48:16]:
Get to know your introverted strengths and needs, and be strong.