Ep 218 - Introvert Is Not a Bad Word with Host David Hall

Are introverts misunderstood in today's world? 

Join host David Hall in this thought-provoking episode of "The Quiet And Strong Podcast" as he explores why "Introvert is Not a Bad Word." 

Discover how society's misconceptions can shape the narrative around introversion and the incredible value that quiet strength brings to the table. Listeners will learn about the key differences between introverts and extroverts, the power of meaningful connections, and how introverts can embrace their authentic selves without feeling the need to "fake" extroversion. 

With key takeaways on energy management, effective leadership, and the importance of understanding one's unique gifts, this episode is a celebration of the beauty and necessity of introverted voices in a noisy world.

 Whether you’re an introvert looking to harness your strengths or someone seeking to better understand the introverts in your life, this conversation is for you. 

Tune in, embrace your extraordinary strengths, and be strong.

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Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

quietandstrong.com
Gobio.link/quietandstrong
david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Transcript

David Hall [00:00:08]:
Hello, and welcome to episode two eighteen of the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David Hall. I'm the creator of quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts along with strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review or a rating.

David Hall [00:00:34]:
That would mean a lot to me and also help others find the show. Tell a friend about the podcast and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. For far too long, the word introvert has carried unnecessary stigma or a negative connotation. It's often used to mean shy, antisocial, or even awkward. When reality, being an introvert simply means that a person tends to process the world internally, spend more time in their inner world of ideas and imaginations, and they need solitude for different types of activities, including recharge. So a balance between social time and solitude is needed. Introverts also want and need connection. So back to it's used as shy or antisocial or awkward.

David Hall [00:01:25]:
Introverts can be those things just like extroverts can be shy, antisocial, or awkward. Let's use the words properly. So someone's shy, let's use that word, shy, and not call them an introvert. And we're gonna talk about all the differences today. Introversion is not a flaw or weakness. It's simply just a different way of experiencing life. Yet society often glorifies the loud, the outgoing, the constantly social. And I like that word in there constantly because we are socials we're going to talk about in this episode.

David Hall [00:02:04]:
It just may not look as constant as the extrovert might. And, of course, this all can have introverts feeling like they need to change. They need to change who they are to fit in when in fact, our natural temperament holds incredible value and the secret to our success. So here's some of the things I hear that made me wanna record this today. I hear people say things like, you know, I'm somewhere in the middle. I need time alone, but I like people, so I can't be an introvert. My response is, hey. Guess what? I like people too.

David Hall [00:02:42]:
That doesn't make me an extrovert. People say things like, I'm an extroverted introvert, which really doesn't make sense. Or I'm an ambivert, meaning I'm somewhere in the middle, and I have the best of both worlds. First, this is a nonscientific word, and people generally lead towards one way or the other. And I will say too, just keep in mind, we're talking about some general tendencies, which are really important to understand, but none of us are exactly alike. But when I hear people use the word ambivert, it seems like they're using it to mean, I'm okay. I'm not one of those awkward or introverted people. And, you know, as if you listen to this podcast, no matter what, you're okay.

David Hall [00:03:33]:
You just need to understand your gifts. And it seems like people are more interested in the label than what it really means because all the label is is there to help you understand how you can understand yourself and your gifts. Also, I hear people say they've they've learned to pretend to be an extrovert or fake extroversion. Is this effective? I will tell you no. And I hear introverted used to mean shy far too often. I was in a training just recently, and the facilitator was saying that people might not be speaking up because they are introverted. Ugh. Myths too bust.

David Hall [00:04:12]:
So why does all this matter? Why do we all need to be on the same page with the definitions of introversion? For far too long, I thought something was wrong with me, and I've had many guests on the show say the same thing. I was shy. I did lack confidence. I wondered why I wasn't more at ease in conversation like this person I saw or more outgoing and gregarious. And I've been studying psychology and personality for many years now, and I've had many epiphanies along the way that led me to understand that introversion is a gift. Great strengths come from it. Needs come with it. And my strategies for success, they look different from an extroverted colleague or friend or family member.

David Hall [00:05:01]:
One of these epiphanies was when I was getting certified to give the Myers Briggs. The facilitator said, introverts think and then speak, and extroverts often speak in order to think or, in other words, think out loud most of the time. And that was a light bulb moment for me. I naturally process inwardly most of the time. I couldn't change this if I wanted to. I'm taking in information, processing it, sharing what I think is most important. Generally, my ideas are fully formed, or an extrovert may need to talk out ideas for them to fully form. And as we're talking about introverts and extroverts, remember, neither is good or bad, just a natural way of being.

David Hall [00:05:51]:
Understanding our natural occurring strengths and gifts allows us to live authentically and get the most out of life. Pretending to be someone you are not will not bring you happiness or confidence. I unsuccessfully tried that for many years. Trying to fake introversion did not help me overcome shyness and gain confidence. Fully embracing how my mind works and my introversion changed everything for me. I'm not shy anymore, and I've gained confidence. An example of this is this podcast. I talk with amazing people all over the world.

David Hall [00:06:28]:
I have great conversations. I enjoy these conversations, and I do this confidently. And I don't get nervous about it, and this doesn't make me an extrovert. As an introvert, I thoroughly prepare for the interview. I prepare the guest with some advanced questions. I also manage my energy around the whole thing, allowing for some prep time right before the interview to get into the right headspace. And I allow for about a hour after with no plans in case I need some recharge time. And I avoid back to back interviews at all costs.

David Hall [00:07:05]:
So I'm approaching podcasting as an introvert, and I'm having such a great time doing it. And trust me, I used to lack confidence. I used to be shy. It's no way to live, but I'm telling you, if that's you right now, you can learn to embrace your personality and gain confidence and overcome shyness. And let me share another example of why this all matters. A few years ago, I wrote a blog post about success in public speaking as an introvert and overcoming fear. Just like podcasting, I enjoy speaking and don't get nervous, and I've learned how I need to prepare. A friend of mine replied that as an introvert, he fears public speaking, and he thought the ideas in the post would be helpful.

David Hall [00:07:52]:
The truth was, I know this person very well, and he is very much an extrovert. While some advice will apply to all, there's gonna be some specific advice for introverts and some that will work better for extroverts. So let's look at that. Let's look at those differences in the example of public speaking. You know, we we talked about energy a little bit. Introverts, often we need time to recharge alone. And, you know, I may enjoy a public speech giving it, but afterwards, I may need a break. So I need to plan that in just like I do with my podcast.

David Hall [00:08:32]:
I need to plan in time to recover and figure out that piece. You know? Extroverts gain energy from social interactions, making them likely to thrive in a high energy speaking environment. And maybe while I need to recharge, my extroverted friend is ready to give their next speech. And a big piece of the difference is the way we prepare. Introverts excel at deep reflection, meticulous planning, and creating well structured speeches. We tend to focus on content and authenticity rather than spontaneity. Extroverts may rely more on charisma, spontaneity, adaptability in the moment, often feeling comfortable improvising during presentations. Again, there's difference.

David Hall [00:09:24]:
And introverts are good listeners, and we can plan our stories and be good storytellers who bring thoughtful insights and authenticity to our speeches. We are more naturally reflective and observant, and we can use these skills to connect and connect deeply with our audiences. Extroverts excel in engaging audiences with enthusiasm and dynamic delivery. Regardless of personality type, of course, both of us could benefit from some practice and feedback. You know, I could try to summon up some extra charisma and give my dynamic speech in the moment, but chances are this will fall flat. Instead, I've learned I need to prepare in my introverted way and let my passion shine through. So a little more about introversion. Introverts are deep thinkers, have creative minds, and could be excellent listeners, observers, problem solvers.

David Hall [00:10:24]:
Our ability to observe, reflect, and process information can lead to profound insights and thoughtful contributions. While we may not always be the loudest or constant voice in the room, when we do speak, the words carry weight. Longer story, but that's where the name quiet and strong came from. This strength is often underestimated, precisely what allows introverts to lead with intention, empathy, clarity. It's time we move away from the narrative that introversion is something to be overcome and instead celebrate it as a unique and powerful way of moving through the world. The misconception that introverts don't enjoy socializing is another myth that needs to be dismantled. Most introverts deeply value connection and meaningful conversation. We simply prefer our connection to smaller, more intentional doses.

David Hall [00:11:18]:
Large gatherings or surface level small talk could be draining. But give an introvert the space for one on one conversation and time to reflect, and they thrive. Give me talking about something I'm interested in, like introversion, and you may not be able to shut me up. And there's nothing wrong with preferring meaning over chaos, depth over breadth, or solitude over crowds. In fact, it's often in these moments that the most brilliant ideas, creative works, and meaningful connections are born when we give ourselves time to think. And being an introvert is not a limitation. It's a strength. It's time to stop treating introversion as a hurdle to overcome and start recognizing it as a valuable and powerful way of being, whether it's in leadership, creativity, personal relationships, introverts bring a richness to the world that would be deeply missed without them.

David Hall [00:12:19]:
So let's drop the negative connotations around the word introvert and instead celebrate it as part of a beautiful diversity of human personality. After all, the world doesn't need more noise. It needs more thoughtful, intentional, and reflective voices, and introverts are uniquely gifted to provide just that. Introvert is not a bad word. Somewhere along the way, society started treating the word introvert like a flaw, as if being someone who prefers meaningful moments over constant social interaction is something that needs to be fixed. People say things like, you should get out more. Don't be so quiet as if introversion is a temporary condition that could be cured with enough social exposure. The reality is introverts don't need fixing.

David Hall [00:13:08]:
They need understanding. Being an introvert isn't about lacking social skills or disliking people. It's how we internally process information and spend more time in thought. It's also about our energy and the way we may need to find time to think, to focus, to plan, dream, and of course, recharge. We want intentional interactions, and we wanna go deep and not stay in the shallow conversation for too long. What's frustrating is how introversion gets mislabeled. If an introvert doesn't immediately speak up in a group meeting, they are labeled as shy. If they prefer a weekend at home instead of a packed social event, they're labeled antisocial.

David Hall [00:13:53]:
If they need time alone to recharge after a social gathering, they're seen as awkward. But none of these assumptions are accurate. Being an introvert doesn't mean a person lacks confidence, charisma, or social skills. It simply means that our energy flows differently, process the world internally before responding outwardly. And it's a beautiful thing. In fact, it's often the introverts in the room who are most perceptive, empathetic, and thoughtful contributors. The irony is society benefits tremendously from introverts. There are many successful introverts that didn't succeed despite their introversion.

David Hall [00:14:37]:
They succeeded because of it. You know, just one example, I think, of my kids all loved reading the Harry Potter book series. And then we watched all the movies and enjoyed all the movies with them. And this rich fantasy world and storyline came from the introverted mind of JK Rowling. Introverts such as JK Rowling have the ability to think deeply, work independently, and pursue their passion without constant need for external validation. It has allowed them to break boundaries and change the world. Introverts may not always seek the spotlight. Sometimes we do, but that doesn't mean their influence isn't any less powerful.

David Hall [00:15:22]:
We shine differently through our ideas, our creations, and our leadership. Another harmful misconception is that introverts are cold or unfriendly, and often, the opposite is true. Introverts, we crave deep meaningful connections rather than surface talk. While extrovert may thrive in large group settings, an introvert often flourishes in one on one conversations. Again, we like people. We'd like to engage on a more personal level. This is why introverts can make exceptional friends, partners, collaborators. We listen, and we empathize.

David Hall [00:16:04]:
We observe and reflect. So when an introvert chooses to spend time with you, no. It's intentional. They don't need their calendar with social obligations filled just for the sake of it, just to avoid loneliness. We spend time with people that matter to us, which makes our presence all the more meaningful. Introverts don't dislike people. We just might experience connection differently. And, you know, we're talking about one of the most pervasive and harmful misconceptions is that introverts don't like people.

David Hall [00:16:39]:
Please. Please. Please stop saying that. Okay? Again, we all like people. As I said in the beginning, there are people that are antisocial, but they could be an introvert. They could be an extrovert, and it means they're antisocial. It doesn't mean they're introvert or extrovert. So there are people.

David Hall [00:16:59]:
But for the most part, introverts, extroverts, we all need people. So introverts aren't antisocial, but we can be differently social. We enjoy spending time with others, but again, we prefer meaningful, intentional interactions over our casual or superficial ones. An extrovert may thrive in that room with strangers, making connections quickly and effortlessly. And an introvert is more likely to gravitate towards a setting where they can engage in deeper one on one conversations. It's not a matter of disliking people. It's about craving a different kind of connection. And I can remember going to networking events feeling like I needed to bounce from person to person.

David Hall [00:17:42]:
And what I found was not only was that draining to me, but it wasn't effective. I wasn't building relationships, trying to act in that differently and and not being my authentic self. But what I found was for a networking event, I needed a goal. Who did I wanna talk to? What conversations did I wanna have? And even if I had a couple conversations, that could be a successful event for me. And we deeply value relationships as introverts. And it's common that we have a few close meaningful friendships rather than having a wide social circle. Again, what do you want? Are you getting what you want? And we prioritize depth of our breadth when it comes to connection. We would rather spend an evening having a heartfelt one on one conversation than attend a large group filled with casual acquaintances.

David Hall [00:18:31]:
This preference for quality over quantity is often misunderstood as aloofness or disinterest. It's really about authenticity. When an introvert invests in a relationship, they do so wholeheartedly, full of attention, empathy, and care. That's why many introverts make incredibly loyal friends, compassionate partners, and thoughtful colleagues. The key difference is how introverts relate to people is intention. Introverts don't engage in socializing simply for the sake of it. We seek out meaningful, fulfilling interactions. Small talk, social niceties, and large group settings can feel draining or even hollow to an introvert.

David Hall [00:19:19]:
But give them a setting where they can have a thought provoking conversation, share ideas, or explore someone's inner world, and we really come alive. Okay. I've learned that to be better at small talk, you need to make some small talk. You just don't wanna stay there. Contrary to popular belief, introverts do enjoy socializing. We just might prefer in small, more controlled doses where connection feels authentic rather than obligatory. Again, introverts like people. Another misunderstood aspect of introversion is a desire for alone time.

David Hall [00:19:59]:
To an extrovert, needing frequent solitude may seem like a sign that an introvert dislikes people. That's not the case. We generally enjoy time alone. And it's not because we don't need human connection. It's because we need to allow ourselves time to think, reflect, process, and recharge. Time alone is not a rejection of others. It's act of self preservation. It's how introverts gather energy, and it's how we can be our best selves in future interactions.

David Hall [00:20:35]:
Ironically, the more solitude an introvert gets, the more present and engaged they can be when they are connecting with people. Then again, you gotta let people know what you need. You know? Those in your life, let them know. You know what? I need a little time. Let's get together here. Those kinds of things. You know, most introverts love people. We just dislike excessive stimulation and socialization.

David Hall [00:21:02]:
And, you know, spending the day in that large social event, it can leave us mentally and emotionally depleted. You know? Sometimes we may have enjoyed it. We may have appreciated the conversation, the connections, and the people. But afterward, we just need a break, some time alone to recover. And it's not because we found the people unlikable. Well, maybe some. It's simply because our system requires rest after high social input. And this dynamic can sometimes make introverts appear distant or seem uninterested when in reality, we're simply protecting our energy.

David Hall [00:21:41]:
Introverts often form some of the deepest and most enduring relationships precisely because of our unique approach and connections. We aren't drawn to surface level friendships or casual relationships. We seek authenticity, depth. The misunderstanding that introverts dislike people also stems from how we engage in group dynamics. In a social setting, an introvert may not be first to speak or dominate the conversation or mingle with everybody in the room. But that doesn't mean we're not enjoying ourselves. We need to listen. We need to observe, and we wanna connect one on one.

David Hall [00:22:19]:
And we're often the people who notice those that are being quiet in the room. It's worth noting that introverts are capable of enjoying larger social events. We just need balance. If given the choice, most introverts so, no, introverts don't dislike people. In fact, they love people fiercely, just in a more intentional way. They're the ones who will check-in on you. They're the ones that may not make a big splash in the crowded room, but they'll make a profound impact in the one on one conversation. Introverts don't reject people.

David Hall [00:22:55]:
They simply need connection that feels deep, meaningful, and authentic. And when they find it, they hold on tightly. The world needs to move past the false belief that introverts dislike socializing your people. Instead, we need to recognize that introverts approach connection differently with intention, depth, and the desire for meaningful interaction. Once we shift our understanding, we'll realize that introverts have a rare and beautiful gift, the ability to connect with people in a way that leaves a lasting and meaningful imprint. Introverts don't introverts don't avoid people. They just seek connection that feels real. In a world that often is filled with noise, the intentional connection is something worth cherishing.

David Hall [00:23:44]:
You know, another myth that we regularly bust on this podcast is the introverts can't be great leaders. The world often equates leadership and success with extroverted traits, loud, charismatic, outgoing. But that's an incredibly narrow view of what leadership actually looks like. Introverts can lead effectively, but they likely will do it differently. Our confidence allows us to make calculated thoughtful decisions. Our ability to listen more than we speak helps us to understand the needs of our teams. Our natural tendency to think before acting often leads to well thought out sustainable solutions. In fact, many of the world's impactful leaders, like Abraham Lincoln is a name thrown out there as a famous introvert quite often, introverts who led with quiet strength rather than overpowering charisma.

David Hall [00:24:40]:
You know, it's time. Let's rewrite the narrative around introversion. That's a lot of what we're trying to do on this show. Being an introvert is not a weakness, a flaw, or a social handicap. It's a natural temperament and comes with its own unique set of strengths. Introverts are the thinkers, the creators, the deep feelers, and the quiet leaders who bring balance to the world that's often too loud and chaotic. Introverts are the ones who ask the thoughtful questions, build meaningful relationships, and generate groundbreaking ideas. Rather than pressuring introverts to speak more or get out there more, We should celebrate their ability to think deeply, connect authentically, and lead confidently.

David Hall [00:25:26]:
So let's stop using introvert as a negative label. Let's stop implying that introverts need to come out of their shell. When has that ever helped anybody? Or learn to be more social. Instead, let's recognize the power and the strength and the beauty of solitude. The world needs introverts just as much as it needs extroverts. And perhaps now more than ever, it needs thoughtful, mindful voices to bring balance, clarity, and peace. Being an introvert, it's not a bad word. It's a gift.

David Hall [00:25:59]:
It's time we start treating it that way. If you are an introvert, take some time to reflect on your strengths. Work towards working in your strengths most of the time. Plan your days or weeks or years with your introversion in mind. Think about what do I need some time alone to do? What do I need to prepare for? What is draining to me, and how do I best recharge? Live authentically and be proud of who you are, and don't apologize for being an introvert. Let the people around you know what you need and what makes you your best self. Thank you for joining me. I appreciate you.

David Hall [00:26:40]:
I I hope that you'll take the time to explore other episodes and learn from some amazing guests. Remember, if you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there's now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including the four letter Myers Briggs code. I will add a link to the show notes. And I'd love to connect with you. Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com or check out the quiet and strong dot com website, which includes blog posts and links to social media for Quiet and Strong. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. There's so many great things about being an introvert, and we need those to be understood.

David Hall [00:27:18]:
Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.