Ep 221 - How Introverts Can Thrive in Real Estate and Beyond with guest Ashley Harwood

Have you ever wondered if being an introvert could actually be your greatest asset in real estate—or any people-focused profession? In this episode of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with Ashley Harwood, real estate professional, coach, and author of Move Over Extroverts, to explore how introverts can leverage their unique strengths to succeed not just in real estate, but in all areas of life.

Tune in to discover how Ashley discovered her introversion and how understanding and honoring her energy needs led to greater professional success and personal fulfillment. You’ll hear actionable advice on managing your energy, developing deep client relationships, strategizing for networking events, and rejecting outdated myths about introverts. Ashley shares real-world examples and practical tips—including her journey from burnout to business growth by embracing her introvert superpowers.

If you’re ready to challenge misconceptions, find new approaches to business and life, and learn how introverts truly shine, this episode is for you. Walk away with renewed confidence to embrace your strengths, build better relationships, and craft success on your own terms. Listen in—and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/221

Ashley Harwood is a Realtor, author, national speaker, trainer, coach and contributing writer for HousingWire. She specializes in working with introverted real estate agents around the world, helping them grow their businesses without changing who they are. She has just released her book, Move Over Extroverts: How to Build a Successful Real Estate Career as an Introvert.

Get Ashley's Book: Move Over Extroverts

Connect with Ashley:

Website: MoveOverExtroverts.com

Socials: Instagram | Facebook

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David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

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Transcript

David Hall [00:00:00]:
Alright. Well, welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, Ashley. Ashley, it's so good to have you on.

Ashley Harwood [00:00:05]:
Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

David Hall [00:00:07]:
We're gonna talk about the work you do, Move Over Extroverts, and you also just put out a book with the same title. But before we get deep into that, just tell us a little bit about yourself and your journey to what you're doing now.

Ashley Harwood [00:00:22]:
Yeah. So I have a background in real estate. I still work in real estate sales as my day job. And starting out in that industry, I had no idea that I was an introvert. I didn't know anything about it. I was introduced to Susan Cain's book Quiet, which I'm sure everyone's familiar with, a couple years into my real estate career, and it was very impactful. So I made some changes in my business and my life and how I manage my energy, And that translated to really significant increase in my business and just better quality of life overall. So I knew I was onto something.

Ashley Harwood [00:01:06]:
And then fast forward a couple more years, I actually started coaching and teaching classes and helping other realtors who are also introverts. So that's what I'm doing now is I'm still selling. I'm also teaching classes coaching, and I just released my first book.

David Hall [00:01:24]:
Awesome. We're gonna get into that. So I think you were like myself and many guests I have on where you thought something's wrong with me. Right? Is that was that your experience? You're working in real estate, and you just feel like there's something wrong? What what did what was what did you feel like was wrong?

Ashley Harwood [00:01:43]:
I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was I was part of a company that had a pretty robust training curriculum. So I was learning what to do, and I was doing the same things that other people in the office were doing, and my results were completely different. And so I was like, what is wrong with me? I'm not seeing these results that everyone else is seeing, and I'm really tired all the time. I was burning myself out without realizing it. So I I just thought that there was something that wasn't clicking, and, of course, my mind went to, well, maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

David Hall [00:02:22]:
Right. And, you mentioned Susan Cain, and she probably has gotten the most mentions when I asked these types of questions as far as impact, and so she's done a wonderful job. A lot of it is introverts saying, yeah. I'm okay. You know? Yeah. How did you get a hold of her book?

Ashley Harwood [00:02:42]:
I was seeing a therapist because I was exhausted all the time and couldn't figure out why. So I went to see a therapist, and she recommended the book. And because I was on the road all the time, I listened to the audio version first, and then I went back and read the hard copy. And I remember sitting in the car reading and, like, listening and just started crying, just started bawling. Like, oh my god. This is an actual thing, and there's a reason why I'm feeling this way. And I'm not crazy. And here are the ways to to work around it and make it work for me.

Ashley Harwood [00:03:22]:
So it was very, very impactful.

David Hall [00:03:25]:
Yeah. And, of course, this show, we talk a lot about the strengths of introverts, the needs of introverts, strategies for for success. What's the strength or two that you have because you're an introvert?

Ashley Harwood [00:03:37]:
I'm able to go deeper with people faster, and I'm I'm a really good listener. So that kind of dovetailed into coaching one on one because I was kind of a natural coach anyway even when I wasn't trying to be. And I think that's a pretty universal introversion strength.

David Hall [00:03:59]:
Yeah. And so we can go deep, but, also, we want to go deep. Yeah. And that's a big misunderstanding. You know? We definitely like people. We need people. We like to connect with people, but we'd like to get into the deeper conversations, and we don't like to stay in the shallow for too long.

Ashley Harwood [00:04:18]:
Yeah. The shallow is actually pretty draining.

David Hall [00:04:21]:
Yeah. Yeah. And and it is also a strength. We can build deep relationships, but we have to understand those differences. Yeah.

Ashley Harwood [00:04:32]:
Absolutely. And lean into them because I think that's a really key factor in most businesses is being able to be a good listener and build relationships with people.

David Hall [00:04:45]:
Yeah. So what have you learned about being a good listener as an introvert and success in your business in real estate?

Ashley Harwood [00:04:51]:
It's really important in real estate because you're you're not selling a product as much as you're helping people find the right solution. And it's a big deal. There's a lot at stake. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of pressure. It's where you're gonna live. So being a good listener and not just trying to sell somebody a house they may or may not want is really important. And a lot of my time when I'm training, especially if I'm teaching a class to a group of agents, like new agents, it's usually a mix of introverts and extroverts.

Ashley Harwood [00:05:28]:
I have to retrain the extroverts to not be too salesy with people. I have to talk them down. Like, this is we're not selling people houses. We're guiding them through the process to make sure it's what they want.

David Hall [00:05:42]:
Yeah. That's interesting too because, you know, sometimes there's just, like, what feels like traditional ways of doing things. And I think most people don't really want to be sold to. They just really want you as a guide like you're saying.

Ashley Harwood [00:06:00]:
Right. And, again, I think that's true across every industry for the most part. People don't wanna feel sold to. They wanna feel empowered to make their own decision. And so, quote, unquote, salespeople, our job is to give them all the information and help them make the best choice.

David Hall [00:06:17]:
Yeah. And I think we can be excellent listen listeners like you're saying. I do always throw in there, you know, when we're having conversations, it needs to be a conversation. And if someone's doing all the talking, doesn't mean the introvert's listening. We should be. We should be active listening, but, you know, not talking is not necessarily listening. So, definitely, whoever's in the conversation, introverts, extroverts, you know, it needs to be a conversation. Right?

Ashley Harwood [00:06:43]:
Yeah. For sure.

David Hall [00:06:45]:
And I think I always throw in with listening. I think we're really good observers too. So we're we're listening, but we're listening for things like that maybe aren't aren't being picked up on. You know, we're good at seeing what needs needs to be done that's not being talked about. All all those kinds of things.

Ashley Harwood [00:07:03]:
Yeah. Agreed. I also think we're very, for the most part, like, internal processors. At least I am. I have to just it and not talk to anyone as I'm work working through something.

David Hall [00:07:17]:
So if people have been listening to this show, that's really what the definition is, is we're internal processors. We're tuned into our inner world more often than not. Extroverts are more focused out here more often than not. And that's where everything comes from. So it's funny I say, you know, I don't I'm not an introvert because I need to recharge, but I need to recharge because I'm an introvert, because I'm an internal processor. You know, if I'm focused out here for too long, if I haven't had time to think, that's when I need to recharge. But it's the recharge part doesn't make me an introvert, but it's because I'm an introvert that all makes sense.

Ashley Harwood [00:07:56]:
Yeah. Agreed. Absolutely.

David Hall [00:07:58]:
But we do process internally, and that's where all the things that we're talking about today come from because we're deep thinkers. Great strengths come from that. We do need some time alone, and it's not just to recharge. It's like you're saying, it's I gotta get some work done here. I need to focus. You know? I need to think. I need to plan. So there's a lot of reasons why we need some time alone too.

Ashley Harwood [00:08:20]:
Yeah. For sure. I struggle with where do I work because sometimes I work from home, and then sometimes I like to go into the the office. But when I'm in the office, I'm constantly being interrupted, and it makes it really hard to get any meaningful work done. I mean, I can stuff envelopes and do busy work, but anything that requires some thought, I need complete silence.

David Hall [00:08:46]:
Yeah. So let's talk about that. How do you manage where you get your alone time or just manage your energy? What have you learned about that as an introvert?

Ashley Harwood [00:08:55]:
I've developed a skill of being very in tune with my energy and my needs, and that took years of paying attention and really, really learning how my system works. Because that doesn't come naturally for most people, and it certainly didn't come naturally for me. I had to work at it. So now I'm at a place where I know what I need. I know if I need alone time, and I'm confident enough to take it and make it happen as much as possible. And then if if I need it and I can't take it because something comes up out of my control, I know how that's gonna affect me, and I'm need even more time afterwards. But it it really affects how I set up my day to make sure that I have the highest energy at those crucial moments of the day, if that makes

David Hall [00:09:52]:
sense. Yeah. Absolutely. And that's that's it right there. It's a lot of understanding our differences is, you know, what do I need? What alone time do I need? What recharge time do I need? And figuring that out. And and it's hard because there's other people that have different needs than you. Right? So it's like, you know, it's it's sometimes we're made to feel like our our needs are not valid or even strange. You know? It's like, no.

David Hall [00:10:22]:
I just need a little time alone right now. You know? I need to close my door for a minute or or whatever whatever it is.

Ashley Harwood [00:10:29]:
Yeah. I do think that there's an art to having that conversation with another person, particularly if it comes up in a family or somebody you live with. And a lot of times, other people might be offended and take it personally that you need your alone time. But if you can explain it in terms of your energetic needs, hopefully, the other person's understanding and and gets it. And I'm thankful that my partner is very understanding. He understands. But it's taken a while to, like, really be able to now he can tell what my needs are. At the same time, I can tell versus in the beginning of our relationship, I would have to explain it.

David Hall [00:11:14]:
Yeah. So sounds like he's an extrovert?

Ashley Harwood [00:11:16]:
Very much so. Yes.

David Hall [00:11:17]:
Okay. And you had to work through that?

Ashley Harwood [00:11:20]:
Yeah. We did. And a lot of, you know, patience and communication, all key aspects of a relationship that that translate to how each other's energy levels are.

David Hall [00:11:34]:
Yeah. Yeah. And and and that's so important too. So, you know, we're definitely talking a lot about work type of things, but our personal relationships are so important too. And it's like, hey. I love you, but I need this, and I'll be better if I have this little bit of time. And then, also, you know, there's plenty of times where we each need to compromise a little bit or bend a little bit, you know, to do something that the other person wants that maybe isn't our favorite thing. You know, those kinds of things.

David Hall [00:12:00]:
But understanding and being able to say, hey. This time alone, I need I still love you, but I really need this for this reason.

Ashley Harwood [00:12:09]:
Yeah. For sure. And and I think it's good to be able to have not only compromises, but if you're really needing that alone time and the other person is really needing to be around people, that's okay. You can do separate things. Like, there are times when when I tell him I am so beat, I need to be on the couch for a couple hours, but I can tell that he needs to be around people. So I'm like Yeah. Go off and do your thing. Go hang out, go to the bar, whatever, and I'll be here.

David Hall [00:12:41]:
Yeah. That's great. Feelings. Yeah. Something else I I do sometimes is, you know what? Let's do this and pick an reschedule something else, you know, instead of just saying, no. I can't be with you. Say, right now, I need this time, but let's go do this or let's spend time together. You know? And so it's not like it's not a rejection.

David Hall [00:13:01]:
It's just like, let's let's make a plan. You know?

Ashley Harwood [00:13:04]:
Yeah. Yeah. I think that can apply to friendships and business partnerships as well. Just having that communication and and expressing your needs and also asking the other person what their needs are.

David Hall [00:13:17]:
Yeah. Absolutely. So I think we've busted some myths. Let's make sure because that's like I said, that's another key part of this show. Is there any other introvert myths you wanna bust today?

Ashley Harwood [00:13:30]:
Yeah. We have touched on a few. Oh, one myth that comes up a lot in my world is that introverts aren't that we don't have social skills.

David Hall [00:13:42]:
Okay.

Ashley Harwood [00:13:43]:
And I I had this conversation with someone yesterday about this, and they were like, oh, I'm I'm so impressed. You're so personable and and good with people, and you can have a conversation, and you're an introvert. I'm like, yeah. Those two those are not mutually exclusive. Like, you being an introvert does not equate having poor social skills. So I think that's a big mess.

David Hall [00:14:14]:
Yeah. We definitely have a lot of work to do still, Ashley. Yeah. Because We do. You know? So I can tell you this, though. I mean, if you are an introvert and you don't understand introversion, that can take take its toll on your social skills. As as we are talking about understanding, hey. I I need this time or another really big thing, like, because we're internal processors.

David Hall [00:14:41]:
One of the big epiphanies for me was I think before I speak in general, and extroverts often speak in order to think. And so if you don't understand that, you can feel socially awkward. If you are thinking trying trying to think of the most important thing you wanna say, the other person is just talking, talking, talking, you can feel very awkward. But understanding, this is how I normally I'm gonna work. It's normal. I'm gonna think of a great thing. It's it's a strength of mine. This other person needs to talk things out, and that's fine.

David Hall [00:15:18]:
That's a strength of theirs. That can really help. But, yeah, we're we're not all socially awkward. And if anybody is, that's a lot of why I do this show is because you can get more confident.

Ashley Harwood [00:15:30]:
Yeah. Yeah. And, of course, there there are introverts who are not as socially skilled. On the flip side, there are extroverts who are not very socially skilled, and they just can't read the room and just keep talking and don't shut up. So Yeah. I don't think one equates to the other.

David Hall [00:15:48]:
No. No. And they're shy extroverts.

Ashley Harwood [00:15:50]:
Yeah. There's all the combinations.

David Hall [00:15:52]:
Yeah. And so just you know, a lot of it is, I'll say, probably the approach to overcome shyness is gonna look a little different from introverts to extroverts, but both can be shy. Both can gain confidence Yeah. Absolutely. If it's lacking. And, you know, some introvert you know, like, we we said we both struggled like something was wrong with us, but there's introverts that have never felt that way, that just know who they are, know what they need, and they're just confident. And I I've met lots of people like that too.

Ashley Harwood [00:16:21]:
Yeah. I would say one other thing I do wanna mention is how important it is not to compare also because I feel like I I get this question a lot from people. I like to speak on stages. I feel very confident teaching my own content on a stage, and it's because I wrote it myself. And people always come up to me afterwards, and they're like, that's another thing that introverts can't be public speakers. And they're like, how do you how do you do that? How do you talk? I'm like, I just do. I don't I don't know. I like it.

Ashley Harwood [00:16:55]:
It comes naturally to me. But if it doesn't for you, don't try to force it. Like, don't don't say, oh, I have to be like this other person, or I have to do this because this other person's doing it. Figure out I teach this a lot to my real estate agents because there's so many ways to go find clients. Focus on what feels more aligned for you and what comes naturally and and go all in on those things. And don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

David Hall [00:17:25]:
Yeah. And that's another thing. Like, with public speaking, a lot of well known public speakers are, guess what, introverts. You know?

Ashley Harwood [00:17:35]:
Oh, yeah.

David Hall [00:17:36]:
And we have a lot to say. That there's another myth right there. People think we don't have because we're always thinking. So we have a lot to say, and the stage is a good place to be able to say those things. And like you said, you know, if you prepared the message and you prepared adequately, it can be amazing.

Ashley Harwood [00:17:54]:
It really can be, especially when it's a large stage and you don't have and it's not a classroom setting. You don't have to answer questions. You have no interaction with other people. You just get up there and talk and do your thing, and then you're done.

David Hall [00:18:07]:
Yeah. Yeah. Anything else you wanna share about what you've learned about being successful in public speaking as an introvert?

Ashley Harwood [00:18:14]:
I personally need my recharge time as soon as possible afterwards. So I will hang out because that's kind of part of the the gig. Right? You hang out and talk to people after and take pictures and stuff. But then as soon as that's done, I'm not going to the bar. I am going to the hotel room for at least an hour, lights off, undercover is just quiet, cocoon, and then I'll be ready to go and meet up with everyone after. Like, that's really crucial for me.

David Hall [00:18:45]:
Yeah. Absolutely. And, I mean, even today. I'm enjoying this conversation with you, but I don't have anything planned for the hour after, you know, just in case I need to relax.

Ashley Harwood [00:18:56]:
Yeah. I'll probably cocoon after this for a little bit.

David Hall [00:18:58]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, that's a difference. Extrovert gives a speech, they might be ready to give the next one, you know, right then.

Ashley Harwood [00:19:07]:
That's my boyfriend. He's like, go. I'm all amped up. I'm all you can see his energy increasing, and it's wild. And he can see mine decreasing. It's very interesting.

David Hall [00:19:19]:
Yeah. That is fascinating. So you're learning all of this, and then you'd how did you decide to then be a coach and, you know, call yourself move over extroverts?

Ashley Harwood [00:19:30]:
Well, I had a business coach that I was paying, and he was like, your business has kinda plateaued. It's it's successful, but what's the next step? What's the next level? Because you're kind of just stuck here at this one level. And I had always enjoyed teaching classes just in my little office. And I said, I I really wanna help newer agents. I wanna help them get into the business. And he essentially was like, well, that's great. Everyone calls himself a real estate coach and trainer in our world. What can you help people with that's different? What's unique about you? And immediately, I thought, I can help the other introverts because there are all these classes and all this training and coaching, but nothing for the introverts.

Ashley Harwood [00:20:21]:
And so it just came to me almost immediately, and I leaned into it. It's it's taken a lot of different shapes, and I've failed in a lot of ways with it. But I've also had a lot of fun and a lot of success with it as well. That was six and a half years ago. The the name move over extroverts came from me trying to buy a domain name, and my name is not available. There's a famous woodturner person who has my name. And, so I was on GoDaddy just trying to find names and everything I could think of was taken. Introverts rule, whatever.

Ashley Harwood [00:21:08]:
And I was getting frustrated, so I just typed in move over extroverts, and the domain was available. And I was like, alright. I'm done trying to find something. This is gonna be it.

David Hall [00:21:20]:
That's awesome. Yeah. Do you feel like there's a stereotype or another myth we could bust? Like, oh, real estate agents can't be or introverts can't be real estate agents?

Ashley Harwood [00:21:32]:
Yeah. That's a huge one. In fact, one of my past coaching clients worked for a small brokerage, and her broker said that to her. He said introverts can't be successful in real estate. And I'm like, oh my god. I can't believe this guy is out here saying that. A lot of people are thinking it, though, and it's it's not fine. But if other people think it whatever.

Ashley Harwood [00:22:00]:
If the introvert themselves thinks it, though, that's a problem. So that's who I'm trying to reach are the people like myself who are having that self doubt. And my whole mission with the book, with the company, is just to give them a lifeline and give them some tools and some encouragement that, actually, you can be one of the best real estate agents and use these skills to be amazing in this business.

David Hall [00:22:28]:
Yeah. I love that.

Ashley Harwood [00:22:29]:
Ryan you know Ryan Serhant? No. He's a he was on Million Dollar Listing, that TV show

David Hall [00:22:36]:
Okay. Yes.

Ashley Harwood [00:22:38]:
He has his own Netflix shows and stuff. Anyway, I heard him speak a few years ago, and he talked about being an introvert. And he has this huge media personality now, and no one would think he's an introvert, but he is. Kinda cool.

David Hall [00:22:54]:
Yeah. And it's it's funny because, like, most jobs can be done by an introvert or extrovert. Just we may succeed differently. You know, we may have different strategies, and it's all good. But like you're saying I love that you're saying because of your strengths, you can be wildly successful in real estate or whatever it is that you wanna do.

Ashley Harwood [00:23:15]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Own those strengths and use them and use them to tell the extroverts to move over. Like, next

David Hall [00:23:24]:
time you do it. Alright. Well, congratulations on your book. It's out now. Tell us about your book. Same name, Move Over Extroverts.

Ashley Harwood [00:23:33]:
Same name. I was trying to think of some other clever thing to call it, and then I just realized I already have a clever name. I already have the website. It's already all Brandon. I think it's a good name for a book, though. So it's actually called move over extroverts. It's how to build a successful real estate career as an introvert, the first of its kind for real estate. And the intention it's two intentions.

Ashley Harwood [00:24:01]:
One is a little morbid, but one is like, if something happens to me tomorrow, this book is my legacy. If I can't run around and teach classes anymore, at least the book is done and people can buy it. The second thing I'd like to do with this book is bring it to other industries eventually. So have a version for insurance salespeople and a version for mortgage lenders and all these different sales industries and have it really be tailored to that. So then they have, you know, a resource no matter what industry you're in. So that's my long term vision.

David Hall [00:24:41]:
That sounds wonderful.

Ashley Harwood [00:24:44]:
Thank you. I think so.

David Hall [00:24:46]:
What's in the book? Give us a little peek into the book.

Ashley Harwood [00:24:50]:
It's really three parts. It starts with how to manage your energy, which is where it all starts, and then it goes into how that translates to your calendar and managing your time. And then the third section is a little bit more tactical, how to find clients, how to find buyers and sellers. And then the there's a fourth section as well that is, like, doing open houses and showings and some of the more real estate specific things and how to do all those things as an introvert.

David Hall [00:25:25]:
Yeah. So tell us about that. What advice do you have for networking, for finding clients that looks different for an introvert?

Ashley Harwood [00:25:33]:
The beginning piece of it is to lean into the things that come naturally or the things that don't sound absolutely terrible. Like, a lot of real estate sales training teaches cold calling, and there are very few people I know who love cold calling. So it's like, yeah. You can try that, but don't feel bad or don't feel guilty if that's not your thing. So start with where you're already at. Start with who you already know. Like, lean into groups you're already a part of, organizations that sound interesting, like a a book club or a running club or some kind of hobby. Because then you have a commonality with people, and it's easier to build relationships with them.

Ashley Harwood [00:26:23]:
So I think those are the best ways to start building out your client base. And then just making sure that it's always coming back to not burning out. So if you're gonna run around like I do still and spend time with people in the world, it's important to be intentional with how that's scheduled so it's not too much.

David Hall [00:26:46]:
Yeah. So how do you avoid burnout?

Ashley Harwood [00:26:50]:
I am very careful with my schedule. I know that I will need time after a big event, and I can't have too many networking events in one week. So, like, two or three, maybe. Like, that would be the max, I would say, for me.

David Hall [00:27:10]:
And how how do you look at your calendar? Like, you know, how do you make plans? You know, like, you know, do you have certain times where you look at it every month and then every week, every day? How

Ashley Harwood [00:27:25]:
how do

David Hall [00:27:26]:
you manage that?

Ashley Harwood [00:27:27]:
I look at it definitely every day. And towards the end of the day, I'll look at the next day and the, you know, future days and make sure that I have a combination of productive work that's bringing in new business, time to work on the existing business, personal time. Like, that's my recharge time. And then also leaving white space in the calendar is really important, I think, to have just an hour or two every day where it's just catch up on all the stuff that comes in. So that way that helps avoid burnout because it helps you to not, like, feel that mental clutter. It's almost like I think of it as, like like, doing the dishes in the sink. If you do that every day, it doesn't pile up too much.

David Hall [00:28:19]:
Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

Ashley Harwood [00:28:21]:
But if you let it sit there for two weeks, then it's gonna be a disaster.

David Hall [00:28:24]:
Right. Right. Right. So even when you said cold calling, I I admittedly got just a little tiny bit of anxiety because that's definitely not for me either. And there's lots of ways to network and get new clients, but let's just talk about the actual networking type events. Like, how do you work those as an introvert? What have you learned about that?

Ashley Harwood [00:28:46]:
Well, they're all kinda different, but they're all kinda the same. So I will take breaks pretty often. Like, if anyone was watching me, they would see me go to the bathroom about once every half hour just to get away from everyone. Or if it's in a hotel, I love an event in a hotel because there are always corridors and different floors and places to find a quiet spot. So I take a lot of breaks. I also don't try to talk to everyone. I try to connect with maybe a handful of people, handful of new people. And then if I'm going to an event where I know people already, I'll try to say hi, reconnect, whatever.

Ashley Harwood [00:29:29]:
But I'm not trying to meet a hundred people. It's just not it's not for me. I'm gonna see who I click with. I can do a little bit of small talk, but I'm gonna know pretty quickly if I'm gonna want a ten minute conversation with someone or a sixty second conversation. And if it's a sixty second person, I have to, like, get out of that conversation so I'm not wasting my energy on them. And I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.

David Hall [00:29:55]:
No. You have to be strategic about the whole thing. Yeah. And it's funny because so you or I, if we had to, you know, we could bounce from person to person, but it's gonna not only be draining to us, but it's not gonna be as effective. We're not gonna have those deeper conversations that are gonna be impactful for us. So while our extroverted friend may just really thrive in that, we're not going to. We don't need to apologize for it.

Ashley Harwood [00:30:26]:
Agreed. I also think of larger networking events as sort of a a funnel to find it's almost a necessary evil, like, to go and find a few key people that I want to build relationships with. So that's what I'm focusing on. Or who are the people that I want to have a coffee with later one on one?

David Hall [00:30:48]:
Are you making those plans ahead of time sometimes?

Ashley Harwood [00:30:50]:
Do you mean at the event? Making Oh,

David Hall [00:30:52]:
before the event. I mean, are you sometimes aware of who might be there or or just mostly it's once you get there?

Ashley Harwood [00:30:59]:
But mostly I most of the time, I don't have access to who's gonna be there in advance.

David Hall [00:31:04]:
Another thing you said is sometimes, you know, might just need to take a walk. And I know that a lot of times, we feel uncomfortable being alone. Like, people are, you know, looking at us like we're strange, but it's just a normal thing just to take a walk outside, give yourself a break.

Ashley Harwood [00:31:24]:
Yeah. Make a phone call if it feels too awkward. No one knows. Just hold up your phone to your face. No one knows.

David Hall [00:31:31]:
Right. Right. Any other advice for networking events? I mean, definitely, it's good to go in with a plan and have some good deeper conversations.

Ashley Harwood [00:31:40]:
I always advise, and I I do this too, is I go in giving myself permission to leave whenever I want. I don't feel like I need to stay for the whole thing. Like, when my energy hits a certain point or I'm just not feeling it, I'm out. Guilt free.

David Hall [00:31:58]:
Yeah. That's a great one. I I love that one. You know, don't feel like you have to stay till the end.

Ashley Harwood [00:32:04]:
No. And oftentimes, it it's not worthwhile to stay till the end. It's rare that I stay for an entire networking event. I'm usually there for an hour max.

David Hall [00:32:14]:
Yeah. So is there anything else that you wanna share, just how your real estate career changed when you realized I'm an introvert? I have these strengths, but I also have these needs. Is there anything else that changed for you?

Ashley Harwood [00:32:28]:
The biggest change was in how I spent my time. I started going deeper with fewer people, going to fewer events, doing I went from I did do cold calling. I was doing cold calling in the mornings, and I stopped that entirely. And then I took my morning time back and instead would have one on one coffees with people or send handwritten notes or do other things that weren't as soul crushing as cold will call me. And then my business went up because I was able to actually build more relationships with fewer people, but that resulted in referrals. Especially in real estate, that trust has to be there. It's not like, oh, I met this person today, and now I'm gonna sell my house with them. Like, it takes time to build that trust.

David Hall [00:33:20]:
Yeah. Absolutely. So when you were cold calling, did you feel incredibly drained afterward?

Ashley Harwood [00:33:27]:
Oh, yeah. It was the worst.

David Hall [00:33:29]:
Yeah. I can imagine. I haven't done a lot of it, but enough to know that it's not for me.

Ashley Harwood [00:33:36]:
No. No. And it is for some people, and that's great. If that's for you and you're listening, if it's working for you, keep doing it. I don't wanna be discouraging. But if it's not for you, that is more than okay. Even if, like, in my business, a lot of us who came up a decade ago in this industry, this was hammered into our brains that this was a really important thing. And if you're not doing it, you're gonna fail.

Ashley Harwood [00:34:03]:
So there's a lot of undoing that training.

David Hall [00:34:07]:
Yeah. This is the way to be successful.

Ashley Harwood [00:34:09]:
Yeah. It's one way. There are a hundred other ways.

David Hall [00:34:12]:
Yeah. And, you know, you you talked about that you you're gonna you're planning on making books for other industries, and that's the whole thing. It's no matter what it is, public speaking leadership, being successful in real estate, it's there are more more ways to approach our path to success, and introverts are gonna do things a little differently sometimes. And it's okay.

Ashley Harwood [00:34:36]:
Yeah. It's actually a good thing because clients want to be approached a different way too.

David Hall [00:34:42]:
Yeah. And, you know, we're using our deep thinking skills to listen and understand the client's needs and really try to help them find what they're looking for.

Ashley Harwood [00:34:53]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:34:54]:
Yeah. For sure. What else do you wanna say about your book?

Ashley Harwood [00:34:57]:
You can buy it on Amazon. I would love if you wrote a review. That would be amazing. And if anyone wants to talk about bringing a version to a different industry, please let me know because I would need to partner with an expert slash influencer in these other industries.

David Hall [00:35:15]:
Awesome. Is there anything else you wanna say before we go, Ashley?

Ashley Harwood [00:35:18]:
Just that I'm in Massachusetts in the Boston area, so I am also selling real estate if anyone wants to move.

David Hall [00:35:28]:
Sounds great. And where can people find you and find out more about you and the the work you're doing?

Ashley Harwood [00:35:33]:
My website, moveoverextroverts.com. You can find all my programs for introverted agents and just well, if I can be of help to you at all, everyone listening, please reach out.

David Hall [00:35:46]:
Sounds great. Thanks again, Ashley. This has been a wonderful conversation.

Ashley Harwood [00:35:50]:
Thank you.