Relationships, Retirement, and Living Authentically with guest Dawn Marcotte

What does it mean to truly live authentically—especially during major life transitions like retirement? In this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with Dawn Marcotte, certified professional retirement coach, marathon runner, and author, to explore navigating retirement with clarity, purpose, and honesty.

Listeners will discover why retirement is about so much more than finances—it’s a time to revisit your values, rethink your relationships, and intentionally craft the legacy you wish to leave. Dawn shares why the quality of your relationships is the number one indicator of happiness, and offers practical tools for clarifying your values, maintaining resilience, and building a purposeful new chapter.

Tune in for heartfelt guidance, powerful stories, and hands-on strategies for anyone seeking fulfillment in the next stage of life—regardless of where you are on your journey. Shape your future, define your own success, and be strong!

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/232

Dawn Marcotte ia a Certified Professional Retirement Coach who brings both expertise and heart to the conversation around life transitions. Dawn is not focusing on the financial aspects of retirement, but about other important factors around retirement. Dawn is also a dedicated mom to two wonderfully introverted young adults, a marathon runner, an author, and a voracious reader of mystery novels. With a deep appreciation for personal growth and introverted strength, she helps others navigate the journey into retirement with clarity and confidence. When she’s not coaching or writing, you’ll find her traveling with her husband or enjoying quality time with her family—when her kids let her, of course.

Connect with Dawn on LinkedIn

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Transcript

Dawn Marcotte [00:00:00]:
I love the word legacy. Most people, when they hear that word, they start thinking about wills and trusts and money. I like it because to me, when you leave a legacy for someone, it's how do I want to be remembered? And. And I have a activity that I do with people that I coach. That sounds kind of harsh, but when you do, really helps clarify. But write your own obituary. What do you want to be remembered for? Do you remember? Remembered for? I don't know how much money you have. Probably not.

Dawn Marcotte [00:00:32]:
So leaving a legacy is how are you leaving an impact on your community, on your family?

David Hall [00:00:49]:
Hello and welcome to episode 232 of the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David hall, and the creator of quietandstrong.com. this is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts along with strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform, leave a review or a rating that would mean a lot to me and also help others find the show, Tell a friend about the podcast, and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. Today's guest is Dawn Marcotte, a certified professional retirement coach who brings both expertise and heart to the conversations around life transitions. Dawn today is not focusing on the financial aspects of retirement, but other important factors around retirement and life transitions.

David Hall [00:01:44]:
Dawn is also a dedicated mom to two wonderfully introverted young adults. She's a marathon runner, an author, and a voracious reader of mystery novels. With a deep appreciation for personal growth and introverted strength, she helps others navigate the journey into retirement with clarity and confidence. When she's not coaching or writing, you'll find her traveling with her husband or enjoying quality time with her family. At least when her kids let her, of course. All right, well, welcome, Don. Welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast. It's called Good to have you on today.

Dawn Marcotte [00:02:19]:
Well, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. This is a great opportunity.

David Hall [00:02:23]:
Absolutely. And we're going to get into the work you do. So tell us about yourself and your journey to the work that you do.

Dawn Marcotte [00:02:31]:
Well, I'm a mom. I'm a marathon runner. I am an avid reader of all things mystery and sci fi, but I am also a certified professional retirement coach and an executive assistant. So I'm, you know, the working mom. And I am an author, which is actually my first love. I've always loved putting words together to to help other people, to share information. So I write nonfiction. I just don't have the skill set to write fiction.

Dawn Marcotte [00:03:01]:
I have never mastered that. So mine is all about the nonfiction. But I first started writing in the early 2000s when my kids were little and, and we needed a little bit extra money and there was this new thing called the Internet. And they said, well, if you go write a book and publish it, people will buy it and you'll make money. And they were right. It worked. So that kind of got me started in, in the whole writing. And I.

Dawn Marcotte [00:03:27]:
I just, I love it. It. It's one of those places where I can spend hours writing and not realize that I've spent that much time doing it. So it's. It's my favorite thing.

David Hall [00:03:36]:
Yeah. So we're going to talk about your latest book, but for, for the moment, like, just how many books have you written? And just kind of summarize what they've been about.

Dawn Marcotte [00:03:46]:
So I've got about 20 books out there. And as I said, I started back when the Internet was new and the kind of, the general pattern for me was I would run into an issue or, or a problem or whatever in my own life, kind of do the research, figure it out, solve it for myself, and then write a book and publish the book in an effort to help other people. So I started in what is now the parenting space. This is long enough ago that didn't really exist, but in the parenting space, writing books about activities and things for kids to do so they didn't have their face in front of a screen. Because I was really passionate about the kids don't need to have their face in front of a screen. And this is way back when it was just television and a desktop computer. I didn't even have to do, deal with all the things that parents these days have to deal with. But anyway, so I wrote a bunch of books in that space.

Dawn Marcotte [00:04:35]:
And then my kids got older and that wasn't really where I was anymore. So then, you know, subsequent books were on topics like, you know, working moms, losing weight and, and having. I have a special needs child. My oldest daughter is autistic. So how do you get them into college? How do you get them through college? And of course, along the line, I picked up a lot of information around being an online entrepreneur. So I've done some books around that as. So it just, it kind of, like I said, follows that pattern of find a problem, solve the problem, write the book, publish the book.

David Hall [00:05:08]:
Okay. And we're going to get into Your latest book. But first, you're a fellow introvert. Tell us about that. When did you figure that out? Did you have to learn to embrace it?

Dawn Marcotte [00:05:18]:
Actually, I didn't really figure it out. My father figured it out for me.

David Hall [00:05:22]:
Okay.

Dawn Marcotte [00:05:24]:
My father was really into the Myers Briggs personality type testing, if you're familiar with that particular one. So he did, you know, he, he gave everybody in the family the, the test. And I was in probably middle school at that point.

David Hall [00:05:38]:
Okay.

Dawn Marcotte [00:05:39]:
And so he says, oh, look, you are the exact opposite of me. You're an infp. And he's an estj. Yay. I'm like, okay, the eye explains a lot, you know, because I was kind of the quiet one in the family, not nearly as outgoing as my father. And, and I just thought that was. Well, that's. He's a salesman.

Dawn Marcotte [00:06:02]:
That's just part of being a salesman. That's. That's who he is. And I'm not. So that's kind of when. When it first was brought to my attention that that's what I am.

David Hall [00:06:12]:
Yeah, I, I've greatly benefited from the Myers Briggs myself. I'm an intj, and, you know, it just really helped me see, yeah, I'm an introvert, but there's great strengths that come from this.

Dawn Marcotte [00:06:26]:
Oh, for sure.

David Hall [00:06:27]:
And when I didn't understand my strengths and I didn't understand what introversion was, I lacked confidence. I was shy. But since then, doing things like the Myers Briggs and other things, it's like, yeah, there's some great strengths here. I just have to know how to work them.

Dawn Marcotte [00:06:45]:
Exactly. And, you know, it's kind of funny because later on in my life, when I work in this for some larger corporations, they were all about, well, here's the latest, you know, personality testing thing for right now. And I don't remember which one it was, but one of them I took, and the gentleman that gave it, gave the seminar, said, it's really important that you take those things that you're really good at and work on those and make those the best they can be. Don't worry about trying to make these other things that you're not good at. Try to get good at them. Don't bother. Your strength is not there. Focus on being excellent at what you're already good at.

Dawn Marcotte [00:07:24]:
And that was so eye opening for me because I had spent my. My whole life, as I'm sure many other introverts, trying to live up to what the culture says we should be, because that just was never comfortable for me. And, and so having Someone say, no, no, no, you're okay the way you are. Focus on what you're good at and truly be excellent at that and you will be successful. So that was just amazing to me.

David Hall [00:07:51]:
Yeah. Did you say that was a particular assessment?

Dawn Marcotte [00:07:54]:
I want to say it was the CliftonStrengths Finder.

David Hall [00:07:57]:
Yes, that's what it sounds like.

Dawn Marcotte [00:07:58]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:07:59]:
So between the Myers Briggs and the CliftonStrengths finder is those greatly benefited me. And with CliftonStrengths, it's not all about introversion, extroversion. But my key takeaway was like, what you're describing, it's like, oh, I have strengths. They come naturally to me and I should focus on them and not worry so much about the weaknesses.

Dawn Marcotte [00:08:27]:
Yeah, it was amazing because it was funny. When I worked for this particular company, I worked there for 16 years, and I got an annual review every year. And every year they gave me the same little area that I wasn't very good at that they thought I needed to get good at. And I finally said to my boss, no, this is as good as it gets at that. If you don't think I'm doing it well, find someone else to do that. And that's exactly what they did because I just wasn't. I just wasn't living up to that and I was never going to get good at it. So that was really, really an awesome conversation to have.

David Hall [00:09:07]:
Yeah. That's so much of what we talk about on this show is you have to be able to articulate that to people like, these are my strengths, these are my needs, and no amount of fixing is going to change that.

Dawn Marcotte [00:09:20]:
No, no. I am never going to be so detail oriented that I could do Excel spreadsheets, which was what they wanted me to be doing. I just. I just do not have that skill set. I know people that have that skill set and they are fantastic at it. And I just look at them and my eyes glaze over. I just can't do it. But know, once I was able to articulate that, no, this is not something I'm ever going to get good at, they were like, oh, okay, well, let's find, you know, somebody else.

David Hall [00:09:48]:
Yeah, get. Get the right people doing the right things. Absolutely.

Dawn Marcotte [00:09:52]:
Exactly.

David Hall [00:09:53]:
You know, also, just part of my whole journey was, you know, realizing that I have my unique strengths. My wife is a fellow introvert, but she's always been very confident, so she didn't struggle with it like I did.

Dawn Marcotte [00:10:08]:
Okay.

David Hall [00:10:09]:
And then I have three kids, and anybody that has kids, they're different and they Came that way. They're not the same. You know, I have two extroverts and one introvert, and they all have their great talents, but they're not the same.

Dawn Marcotte [00:10:23]:
Right. Yeah. I have two girls and they're. I feel bad for my husband. I'll be honest. He's the only extrovert.

David Hall [00:10:29]:
Okay.

Dawn Marcotte [00:10:32]:
So he doesn't understand why his girls are just at the end of the day, not interested into hiking. To him, we have been out in the world. You know, my girls call it peopling. We've been peopling all day. We're tired. We're done. Just please stop talking and leave us alone for a little while. We'll come back around, we'll have a conversation.

Dawn Marcotte [00:10:51]:
But we're not gonna.

David Hall [00:10:52]:
Yeah.

Dawn Marcotte [00:10:53]:
Be as engaged as maybe he would.

David Hall [00:10:54]:
Like us to be. Yeah. Again, articulating needs. Did you have to work through that with your husband being an introvert and extrovert?

Dawn Marcotte [00:11:01]:
A little bit. Not too much. Because of our various work schedules, I usually actually get home about a half hour before he does. So I get. And that's pretty. Been pretty consistent through our whole work. Life is. I have always had some kind of buffer.

Dawn Marcotte [00:11:20]:
Either I'm on the bus for 30 minutes coming from downtown, or I just get home early, whatever. I've always kind of had that buffer. So when he comes home, I'm usually ready and we'll have a. Not a long conversation, but historically, five, ten minutes. How was your day, honey? Blah, blah, blah. You know, all the usual stuff that. That you kind of do at the end of the day, rather than doing it over supper. We do it right when he gets home because that's what he wants to do.

Dawn Marcotte [00:11:45]:
He wants to share. This is what happened today. Let me tell you about this. And blah, blah, blah. And so that we have managed to work through it, but that really has been kind of an accident. If I had not had that buffer, we would have been having a conversation about, honey, you need to leave. You need to give me 30 minutes and then we can chat. It'll be fine.

Dawn Marcotte [00:12:05]:
Just give me some time.

David Hall [00:12:07]:
Yeah. That's interesting because it's. It's like we. You know, a myth that we often bust on this show is introverts don't like people. We absolutely love people. Our friends, our family. We need some space. And, you know, I.

David Hall [00:12:21]:
I figured out the after work thing when I all of a sudden was solely working from home when I wasn't used to that.

Dawn Marcotte [00:12:31]:
Oh, yes.

David Hall [00:12:32]:
And now I would. I was not having that space in my Car to decompress after work to think. And I had to figure out a way to replace that, you know, and basically got, you know, I was walking from my home desk to my chair, my recliner in my bedroom, and I basically would say to the family, hey, you know, I'm gonna drive home from work now and yeah, take about, like you said, about half an hour.

Dawn Marcotte [00:12:59]:
About half an hour, yeah.

David Hall [00:13:00]:
Then ready to go hang out and have dinner and all that good stuff.

Dawn Marcotte [00:13:03]:
Exactly, exactly. And. And my kids are kind of the same way. They both have full time jobs, but they work second shift. And so they really don't see us very much. But when they do, because their schedule is so different, they're usually at a place where they're. They're ready to have a conversation because they haven't seen us. Right.

Dawn Marcotte [00:13:23]:
So, yeah, so it's worked out pretty well. Knock on wood.

David Hall [00:13:28]:
Oh, tell us, Don, what's the strength you have because you're an introvert?

Dawn Marcotte [00:13:32]:
Well, I think it's the fact that I do think more deeply about things, whether it's a problem at work or we got to plan something. You know, I'm, I'm not someone who thinks fast on their feet. So, you know, if people start firing questions at me after a presentation or at work or whatever, I'm not always ready for that. But I have found that when I have time to think about it as I do and come back to them, I usually have a more in depth answer than maybe they had been looking for or expected. So I think that's really my strength, is that I can, and I can make connections between different things because I am thinking on a deeper level.

David Hall [00:14:19]:
Yeah. And then of course, we talk about strengths it needs and we bust myths. Is there a myth about introversion that you want to bust today?

Dawn Marcotte [00:14:29]:
I think the thing that, that I hear so much about being an introvert, because I am not shy about the fact that I'm an introvert. The company that I work for now, we have about 25 employees. Three of us are introverts. So every time we have a meeting or, you know, whatever, so I'm not shy about it. But the fact that, that we don't like people like you said that that's the expectation, oh, she's not going to want to talk to me because she's an introvert. She's not going to want to do this activity because she's an introvert. And that's just not true. There are lots of things that I enjoy doing that involve lots of people.

Dawn Marcotte [00:15:05]:
I Just need to make sure that I have time to decompress when I'm done. I used to be an event planner, and that's a lot of people, a team, and you're 200 people coming to this sales meeting. And I loved it. It was fantastic. But. But I needed a couple of days when we were done to. To. To recover and decompress.

Dawn Marcotte [00:15:25]:
So that just drives me nuts that people will decide what I should and shouldn't be doing for me based on their concept of what an introvert is.

David Hall [00:15:36]:
Yeah, yeah. And I'm not a regular event planner, but I do a particular event every year, and I love it. I love it, you know, and I love thinking about it, you know, and being strategic and thinking about how to make it work. But there's some things I don't care as much about, you know, like, honestly, I don't care about the centerpieces, but.

Dawn Marcotte [00:15:58]:
There'S people that do that do. Yes.

David Hall [00:16:00]:
And partnering is. Is key to all of this, too.

Dawn Marcotte [00:16:04]:
Oh, for sure, for sure. That's one of the things that as I've gotten older, I've come to realize because, you know, our culture is all about, you need to be the leader. You need to be the leader. I am not the leader. I am support staff. I work best with a team of people. We all have different ideas, different opinions. I'm really.

Dawn Marcotte [00:16:25]:
I'm very good at helping people communicate with each other in a way that is effective so that everybody feels heard. But I am not the leader. And it took me a long time to understand I don't need to be the leader. It's okay to be the worker beef and make sure that things get done. And that's something that I have embraced and quite proud that I am. For those of us that are a little bit older, I am the Radar O'Reilly of my company. I am the go to person, and I work very hard to be that go to person to get things done.

David Hall [00:17:00]:
Yeah, absolutely. So let's get into your work. Being a retirement coach, what do you say is the number one indicator of happiness? And does that look different for introverts?

Dawn Marcotte [00:17:12]:
Well, actually, it's not just me. Studies have shown that the number one indicator of happiness, regardless of where you are in life, is your relationships, the state of your relationships. And we're not talking about quantity here. That's the thing about introverts. You know, we're told that friendships are important. This is not he who has the most friends wins. This is more about having the relationships that meet your needs that are Quality, not quantity. And it's so easy to get sucked into the idea that, oh my gosh, I only have three friends.

Dawn Marcotte [00:17:50]:
Somehow that makes me less and it doesn't. If that is enough for you, then that is enough. And it's, I just, I, I, I get frustrated sometimes with people that don't understand that, that they feel like, oh, you know, my husband has all these friends and they go and they do, and, and I should do that, I should want to do that. No, you don't have to want to do that. You can be you, it's okay. But yeah, that, that num, that relationships, the quality, whether it's, you know, family, husband, wife, spouse, whatever, friends, relationships relate, you know, other family members, whatever it is that works for you, that's what's important.

David Hall [00:18:30]:
Yeah. And it's, it's that we, we love to have conversations, but we want to go deep. And yes, it's, it's normal to have a smaller set of friends, which is just fine, just like you said.

Dawn Marcotte [00:18:44]:
Yeah. And you know, I find, so for example, I'll use myself in this example. I have three friends, only one of which lives in the same state that I do. So, you know, that's, that's something I think that introverts are, are better able to manage because, you know, we call each other regularly, whatever, but we don't feel that need that we have to see each other face to face every week or, or whatever, which I think some extroverts struggle with. They really, really need more face to face interaction than what an introvert is maybe comfortable with. So, you know, you don't have to live next door to your best friend. That's okay.

David Hall [00:19:24]:
Yeah. Yeah. So how did you decide to become a retirement coach?

Dawn Marcotte [00:19:28]:
Well, actually, it started with where I currently work. In full disclosure, I do work for a financial planning firm. And as I mentioned, they're kind of small. They give really good all employee meetings. So instead of bringing a speaker in that's just talking to the advisors about financial things, they bring in speakers that have a more general appeal. And a couple of years ago, they brought in a speaker who talked about the last 8,000 days of your life. So if you break your life up roughly into 8,000 days, you know, that's your childhood, your young adulthood, your midlife, and then the last eight thousands are your retirement. And this particular speaker talked about the fact that for those first three sections, there are always people around willing to help you, to guide you, to mentor you.

Dawn Marcotte [00:20:17]:
Family, friends, organizations, Sometimes it's an entire industry that will be happy to help you figure out how to move forward in your life in whatever it is. But when you hit retirement, the only peak thing people are talking about are the finances. You're not going to spend the next 30 years of your life looking at your bank account. There's so much more to it. The, the changes that are the psychological, emotional, intellectual, social. All of these things change when you retire. And my husband is getting close to retirement. He'll be retiring in the next year or two.

Dawn Marcotte [00:20:51]:
So that really hit home for me. Oh my gosh, here's this man whose whole world is wrapped up in work and when he leaves, what is he going to do? He's going to pester me. Not going to work. That's just not going to work, right?

David Hall [00:21:07]:
Yeah.

Dawn Marcotte [00:21:07]:
And so it just, it really resonated with me and I have quite a few friends that are in that age group that are just approaching within a year or two of retirement. And so I decided I really wanted to dig in and find out more about this and you know, solve this problem and write my book and you know, put it out there. And so there is kind of a new push really in the United States towards creating this industry around coaching for the non financial side of things. So I, you know, found the, the certified professional retirement coach program and you know, went through it and got certified and, and just really embraced. I learned so much. And of course I'm an avid reader, so I read tons of books and things like that. But yeah, it just, just the idea that when you leave work there's so much more to life and people are just completely unprepared because they've been sold this story that when you retire it's going to be a never every never ending vacation. Which it can be for the first three months, six months, maybe a year.

Dawn Marcotte [00:22:16]:
But the thing about when you're on vacation is you have something to go back to that gives you a purpose. If your vacation never ends, you have no purpose. And that's just makes that, that just doesn't work for most people. We need a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

David Hall [00:22:33]:
Yeah. Talk more about that. Like what? Why, why is having a purpose so valuable? Because I hear this, I hear that people really struggle when they retire thinking it's going to be an endless vacation and they don't have have a purpose in mind.

Dawn Marcotte [00:22:49]:
No, no. Well, part of it is our job gives us so much more than just a paycheck that we don't really think about. It gives us a routine that Whether we like it or not, we have to get out of bed at a certain time and be in a certain place and that kind of thing. It gives us a lot of social interaction, which even as an introvert, we still need that social interaction, but it also gives us some emotional support. The, hey, you did a really great job on that project. Hey, I really appreciated your help. That kind of thing, the positive feedback. And it gives us intellectual stimulation.

Dawn Marcotte [00:23:23]:
So you have to think about, okay, I gotta do that report, I gotta do this, gotta do that, whatever. It keeps your mind sharp. So when all of that goes away and we no longer have anyone who needs us to do anything, there's a certain amount of anxiety that comes with that because you just feel lost. And some people get very depressed, very anxious. There can be substance abuse, because again, if you think about it, if no one cares whether you get out of bed or not, why do you get out of bed without that purpose? It can just send you down this really dark spiral. And so that's what I'm trying to help people avoid, is to plan for those different losses that come with leaving your job so that they don't have that feeling. And, you know, that first six months of freedom is exhilarating. It's fantastic.

Dawn Marcotte [00:24:16]:
And I encourage everyone to embrace it and just enjoy it as much as they can. But when they start feeling that, you know, I can't really play another round of golf again. Right. Feeling, or, you know, my grandkids are great, but I, I can't be with them all the time. That kind of thing where you're just starting to get a little dissatisfied with, with what you thought you were going to do, it's time to start on the next step, whatever it is. You know, hopefully you've read my book and you have a great plan and you're ready to roll. But, you know, people that don't have a purpose really struggle. And we saw that in the pandemic where we were forced to be at home with no purpose, no social, no.

Dawn Marcotte [00:25:03]:
None of the things that we are used to having. And the, the. The psychological and, and emotional and all of, all of the bad things, the loneliness that came from that were. Became epidemic and people became more aware of that. Well, that's kind of what retirement is. They've taken all of that away from you. You got to figure it out on your own. Or you call me.

David Hall [00:25:27]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's the title of your latest book?

Dawn Marcotte [00:25:31]:
My latest book is Filling the Blank. Building a Retirement of Passion and Purpose. It's really kind of focused on helping you understand that there are going to be these changes, first of all, because most people are not even aware, and then kind of making a plan of how to replace those things. So how do you replace your social structure, your social network? Because if you're like my husband and all of your social stuff is at work and you don't have any friends outside of that job, that's going to be a problem when you don't have that anymore. And I mean, anyone who's gone from one job to another and tried to stay in contact with previous co workers probably kind of has a feel for that. When the only thing you have in common is that job, it's really hard to maintain that friendship. So my book, you know, kind of talks about this and it actually has some different step by step things that you can do so that when you're done, you actually have. Ideally you have a plan, whether it's one you post on your refrigerator or whatever you want to do with it, but you actually know how you are going to deal with these different aspects that change in retirement.

Dawn Marcotte [00:26:42]:
So that you kind of skip over the second phase of retirement, which is commonly called the lost phase, which is what happens after you get out of the honeymoon phase.

David Hall [00:26:52]:
Yeah. Do you think a lot of people are surprised when they retire and they actually miss their work friends?

Dawn Marcotte [00:26:59]:
Yes. Yes. I think people do not really understand that loss. That again, if you perhaps have never changed jobs or you've never had that transition and you've always had good friendships with people at work, but all you're talking about at work is, is work. When that's gone and you don't share that anymore. You know, there might be a few lunches, a little bit of interaction, but they just are not going to have time to, to. To deal with you, to interact with you, and probably not have anything in common to talk about. Once you've filled them in on all the gossip at work, what are you going to do with the next hour of your lunch?

David Hall [00:27:37]:
Right, right, right. You know, Don, something I really enjoyed about your book was your section on values. You know, how to clarify them.

Dawn Marcotte [00:27:46]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:27:47]:
And I mean, I saw that as if you haven't already done that. No matter if you're 20 or 60, it's a good exercise to, you know, for your life right now and to plan for retirement. Tell us about how do you clarify your values and why is that important?

Dawn Marcotte [00:28:02]:
Oh, I love that. Yes. Because understanding your values gives you a compass that you can use to say yes and no. To all of the choices that come in your life. So I recommend. One of the tools, I should say I recommend is the think to perform values Finder. It's online, it's free. You don't have to give me your email or anything like that.

Dawn Marcotte [00:28:24]:
Which is the other reason that I really like it, because then you don't get on somebody's spam list. But basically they have 50 values and they define them and you go through and you just narrow it down until you get to your top five of what your values are. And I think it is so important to have that and to keep it where you can see it fairly regularly so that when you get that offer to for a promotion, I don't know, whatever, you can look at your values and go, okay, does that line up? Or somebody asks you to volunteer over here at this particular company or this organization, again, you can look at your values and see if that lines up. But in addition to your values, I also think it's important to understand your character strengths. We talked about the strength finder a little earlier. The ones that the corporation use is to identify the tasks that you are good at, not your personality, not your characteristics as a person. The via Character finder focuses on your character. So when you put those two together and you really understand who you are, it makes it easier to say no.

Dawn Marcotte [00:29:36]:
Basically, when somebody offers something and many retirees file run into this. When you retire, everybody's, I should say every frequently people are, hey, you're retired. You've got time. Come volunteer and be on this board or do this or do that. And if you don't understand who you are and you don't have a way to fill your time anyway, you might think, oh sure, I'll go try that. Well, it may or may not be the right choice for you, but when you understand what your values and your character is, you can either say, why, yes, that's right. Right up my alley. I would love to do that.

Dawn Marcotte [00:30:10]:
Or no, I'm sorry, that's. That just doesn't align with what I'm doing in my retirement. Thank you very much for asking. No. And when you have that right, you can say no, because that's one of those things that. I'm going to be a little sexist here for a minute. Women in particular can find very hard to do is to say no when they don't feel like they have a valid reason for saying no, even though they know they don't want to do that thing. And that may be true for introverts.

Dawn Marcotte [00:30:39]:
Across the board as well. So when you understand your values and who you are, you have that bigger no that you can say.

David Hall [00:30:49]:
Yeah, absolutely. You also write about the importance of being resilient in retirement. Tell us about that.

Dawn Marcotte [00:30:57]:
Well, resiliency is really, really important throughout life. I mean, we all know life happens things, it's not a smooth path for anyone for our entire life. So resiliency is one of those things. It's like when you do weight training and you build your muscles by constantly stressing them a little bit and so you get a little bit stronger. Resiliency is kind of the same way when you have encounter difficulties and you are able to work through them and manage through them, the next time you encounter a difficulty, you're a little bit stronger. So one of the easiest ways to, to develop resiliency is to focus on gratitude. That's my personal favorite because that happens to be one of my character strengths. But anyway, being able to look at the brighter side of things, I think can really help people.

Dawn Marcotte [00:31:50]:
And particularly when you get into, to retirement, there, there are some negatives that people are not prepared for that they don't realize that are going to happen. And I'm talking about things like, you look a little older and this can happen before retirement. You look a little older, you're in the checkout line and you fumble for your wallet and the clerk rolls her eyes. Why did she roll her? What does she think, I'm incompetent? Right. Things like that, that can, if you're already feeling a little less than perfect, see that. And that can really have an impact on you. So building that resiliency to understand, make a joke and move on and it's fine. That can really help get through just everyday things that happen to people as well as the more difficult times that inevitably come to us all.

David Hall [00:32:44]:
Yeah. And as people are older in that retirement phase, there's likely to be new challenges that they've never encountered before.

Dawn Marcotte [00:32:53]:
Oh, for sure, for sure. In every area of life there can, there can be those challenges. As I mentioned before, when you, when you retire, you've got lots of people coming at you, hey, help me do this, help me do that. But you also start having people ignore you because you're old. And you know, we've all seen this, we've all seen those commercials about turning into your parents. And I, I think they're hysterically funny. But the underlying assumption is that as we age, we become less competent and less important. And that can be something that people really struggle with, with.

Dawn Marcotte [00:33:31]:
I'M not like that. And, and I need to help other people understand that I'm not like that. I'm still a vibrant, articulate, intelligent individual and I'm going to go out there and do fabulous things.

David Hall [00:33:44]:
So we've talked about, you know, having a purpose, clarifying your values. Does your identity change when you retire?

Dawn Marcotte [00:33:53]:
It can. It depends on what you base your identity on before you retire. So for example, my father, who owned his own business for 30, probably 40 years, I guess what it was, his whole identity was around being a business owner. So when he retired and was no longer a business owner, that was a hard shift for him. He really, really struggled with that for a long time until he found his footing again and kind of rediscovered himself. All those things he didn't do as a business owner because he didn't have time, hobbies and whatnot. And my mother helped him along. Now, my mother, who was a teacher for 30 plus years, did not I.

Dawn Marcotte [00:34:38]:
She was a teacher, but she also identified as many other things she already had volunteer things that she did and groups that she was in and passions that she was able to take part in or, or pursue throughout her life. So when she retired, she was just putting aside one aspect of who she was and she was able to move into retirement already fairly well prepared for things. And so it really kind of depends. You can also, unfortunately, there are people who kind of internalize what the culture says about older people. And that can be difficult because again, our culture does not hold older people in much esteem. You know, we're, we're old, we're useless, whatever. Right. So when you start internalizing that, that can be a problem as well.

Dawn Marcotte [00:35:31]:
So I think it's really important for people to again, understand who they are, but understand that it's not about the age that you are, it's about what you're doing with your time that really should inform your identity.

David Hall [00:35:48]:
Yeah. Are there any other myths about retirement that you want to bust?

Dawn Marcotte [00:35:53]:
Oh, there are so many to choose from. You know, I think the most important myth, and I'm trying so hard to bust this one and get the word out, is that it is not a never ending vacation. You, you need to prepare for retirement the same way you prepare for any other major life change. Retirement is actually one of the top 10 most stressful life events. And people just don't prepare for it the same way they prepare for having a baby or getting married or any of those other life events that happen. And it's so important to do that and not just focus on the financial stuff, but all the other things that you do in your life.

David Hall [00:36:34]:
Yeah. So I think we also, as we get older, we think about, you know, what kind of legacy we're going to leave, talk about that.

Dawn Marcotte [00:36:45]:
So I love the word legacy. Most people, when they hear that word, they start thinking about wills and trusts and money. I like it because to me, when you leave a legacy for someone, it's, how do I want to be remembered? And. And I have a activity that I do with people that I coach. That sounds kind of harsh, but when you do, really helps clarify. But write your own obituary. What do you want to be remembered for? Do you remember being remembered for? I don't know how much money you have. Probably not.

Dawn Marcotte [00:37:18]:
So leaving a legacy is. How are you leaving an impact on your community, on your family? And there's a great process that I suggest in my book where you actually create a notebook or a journal, a legacy journal, and you share things about your life and about you and life lessons that you want to share. And I just. I really love that activity because I have found that when you do that and then you give it to the person that you're writing it for, because you do write it for a specific person, most of the time they are just. So there's tears. Right. It's just. It's awesome.

Dawn Marcotte [00:37:57]:
It's phenomenal because frequently it's a parent giving it to a child or a grandchild, and it's showing who you are in a way that they have never experienced before. So opening yourself up and. And expanding that relationship is really powerful, really meaningful for a lot of people. So then the legacy that you're leaving behind is that love and that care and. And it's just. It's just life changing, I think, for so many people when they actually follow through and do it.

David Hall [00:38:26]:
Yeah. And it's. It's all about the things that we've been talking about, you know, having a purpose. What do you value? And then what do you want your life to mean?

Dawn Marcotte [00:38:38]:
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

David Hall [00:38:40]:
So, Don, this has been a inspiring conversation. You know, no matter what, we should define our purpose now, but it's especially important when we hit that life change of. Of retiring. Is there anything else that you want to add today?

Dawn Marcotte [00:38:58]:
You know, the only other thing I. I wanted to maybe mention is I know that retirement for many people can be the first time in their life where they have the opportunity to do what they want to do the way they want to do it. Especially as introverts. We spend our whole working life for Many of us being told that we are somehow inferior because we're not extroverts. Well, when you retire, you don't have to do that anymore. You can be who you truly are and, and enjoy it. So that, that is my wish for everyone, is that we are able to be who we are and, and just move forward and change the world, you know, one retirement at a time. Because we're out there doing, doing our thing, helping people.

David Hall [00:39:44]:
Absolutely. So Don, where can people find out more about you and the work that you do?

Dawn Marcotte [00:39:49]:
So I am actually Most active on LinkedIn if you happen to be on that platform. I also have a monthly newsletter called Introvert's Guide to a Retirement. And that is because I'm an introvert, not because I'm necessarily giving advice specific to introverts. And of course I am on Amazon with my book. But yeah, the LinkedIn is probably the best way to find me and learn all about what I do.

David Hall [00:40:14]:
Yeah, and the last thing you said there, it's, it's like I think that we can learn best from other introverts. Not that we can't learn from extroverts. No, but we can. I can learn a lot from someone like yourself that's, that shares some of the same characteristics. You know, everybody's different, nobody's exactly the same. But, but you know, understanding that what we, the parts that we value as introverts, we can really learn a lot from fellow introverts.

Dawn Marcotte [00:40:45]:
Agreed? Agreed. Yes, very much.

David Hall [00:40:49]:
Well, thanks again.

Dawn Marcotte [00:40:50]:
Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

David Hall [00:40:52]:
Thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you. I hope you take the time to explore other episodes and learn from other amazing guests. Remember, if you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there is now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report including the four letter Myers Briggs code. I'll add a link in the show notes and I'd love to connect with you. Reach out to daviduyanstrong.com or check out the quietandstrong.com website which includes blog posts and links to social media for quiet and strong and much more. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show.

David Hall [00:41:32]:
So many great things about being an introvert and so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.