Ep 235 - The Truth About Introverts: Strengths, Needs, and Common Misconceptions Explained with David Hall

Are you still wondering what being an introvert really means—and what it definitely doesn’t? In this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall unpacks the truth about introversion, busting persistent myths and sharing eye-opening insights into the strengths and needs of introverts.

You’ll learn why being introverted isn’t the same as being shy, how introverts can excel at leadership and public speaking, and why preparation is often a powerful ally for success. David also covers the importance of understanding your own unique blend of strengths, why the label “ambivert” might not be as helpful as you think, and how time management strategies can unlock your best work as an introvert.

Whether you’re searching for validation, want to support the introverts in your life, or simply looking to better manage your energy and productivity, this episode is packed with practical advice, real stories, and encouragement. Join David in his mission to celebrate introverted strengths, bust the common myths, and empower everyone to embrace who they really are. Tune in—and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/235

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Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

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david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Transcript

David Hall [00:00:00]:
Foreign hello and welcome to episode 235 of the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David hall, and the creator of Quiet and Strong dot com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts along with strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Please remember to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave me a review or rating that would mean a lot to me. And also you'd be helping others find the show, which would mean you're joining in the cause to get the strengths and needs of introverts known and bust those myths. So, as always, get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.

David Hall [00:00:52]:
So I continue to get questions and hear statements that are just not true. You know, just yesterday I was talking to someone about the podcast and they said, yeah, I used to be an introvert. And I said to her, I think what you mean is you used to be shy. They're not the same thing. Extroverts can be shy, too. So anyway, I also get a lot of David, I can't be an introvert. I like people. You know, I need some time alone, but I need people, too.

David Hall [00:01:27]:
And my response is, yeah, I'm an introvert and I like people. Most everybody needs people. Introverts might want a different. Different kinds of relationships and different kinds of social settings and extroverts, but we all need a balance. So I do send my yes questions ahead of time. And it's not a script, it's more of a framework. It's like, here's what I want to talk about. Are we all on the same page? Do I get.

David Hall [00:01:54]:
Do I know them? And, you know, of course we go where the conversation leads. But especially for introverts, and most of my guests are introverts, being able to think ahead of time is very helpful. I was on somebody's show and he didn't send me any questions, and that was fine because we were talking about introversion, and so I'm already prepared. I've been preparing for this for years now. And then he was on my show and I sent him questions even though he didn't send me any, which was fine. And after he's like, you know what? I'm glad you sent those questions because there was a couple of them I really had to think about. So we do better with preparation and, you know, just depends, like, maybe it's something we're really well versed in, we've really thought through. Maybe we don't need as much preparation because we've already done it.

David Hall [00:02:47]:
So today, to kind of answer some of those questions and statements I hear out there, I decided to ask myself a few questions, just like I asked my guests, so we can continue to talk about what introversion is. What are its strengths? What do you need? And of course, we will be busting myths today. So let's get going. So normally I'm going to ask my guests about their story. So what's my story? I thought for the longest time when I was growing up, I thought, what's wrong with me? Why can't I be more at ease in conversation like that person? Why can't I give public speeches like that person? And, you know, I set out to fix myself, and it was a long journey to figuring out who I was and what it was all about. So I got a bachelor's in psychology, got a master's in counseling, and I'm figuring out more about personality and the way our personalities operate. But it was really some good professional development at work where I got certified to give the Myers Briggs and the facilitator who was brilliant, she said, introverts think and then speak. Extroverts speak in order to think.

David Hall [00:04:09]:
And that was like one of my light bulb moments. I'm like, yeah, that's true. And if you don't understand that, if you don't realize, hey, I'm thinking first, sharing what I think is most important versus my extroverted friend over there who's thinking out loud most of the time. There can be some conflicts in communication. Also. You as an introvert could be made to feel shy and you could lack confidence not understanding that kind of thing. The other thing that happened about the same time is I also got certified to give the CliftonStrengths. It was called Strengths Quest at the time.

David Hall [00:04:44]:
And this one isn't about introversion and extroversion, but it's about naturally, naturally occurring gifts, strengths, you know, like, one of mine is analytical. And I've always been analytical. I've always asked lots of questions you can ask my parents. And that's something that came to me naturally. I've always been that way. And it's not something that's ever going to change. And it's a good thing now, you know, one thing I've also learned is we can't compare ourselves to others. So there's people that don't have the same gift for being analytical that I do, but they have other gifts.

David Hall [00:05:28]:
So putting these things together really helped me realize, you know, what? You are an introvert, and it's a good thing. You have lots of strengths. And I realized that introversion, it's just like it sounds. It means we're tuning, tuned inward to our inner world of ideas. We like it in there. We do a lot of great work in there. We have great imaginations. Extroverts tend to tune into the world around them or more outward, focused.

David Hall [00:05:59]:
Now, of course, everybody turns inward, everybody turns outward. But where are you spending more of your time? And. And for introverts, it's. We're going deep into thought often, and it's a good thing, but you gotta understand it. Also. I hear many say, well, the main difference is how we get our energy. Introverts recharge alone. Extroverts recharge with other people.

David Hall [00:06:23]:
So there's some truth in there. That's true. But the reason why I need to recharge is because I am a deep thinker. And when I'm not able to think or I've had to strain too much in my thinking, maybe I'm in a networking event and I'm struggling for words, for small talk. Those kinds of things can be draining. So it's the deep thinking that makes me an introvert. And a result of it is I do need to recharge. The other thing is, I don't think the definition is full enough.

David Hall [00:06:55]:
Because as an introvert, I need time alone for lots of things. I need time alone to think, to focus on work, to get things done, to dream, to be strategic. I also need time with my family and friends, and I love to collaborate with the people I work with. It's a balance. So we'll bust a lot of myths today, but one of them is introverts like people, it's just we also need some time alone. We do need after certain things that are draining us. We need to rest, recharge. We need alone time for a lot of things.

David Hall [00:07:32]:
So that's a little bit about introversion, then. Another question or statement that comes my way is, do you have to fake extroversion sometimes? And I say, no, you don't. Be yourself. I spent many years trying to be somebody I wasn't. And I don't call anything extroverted. Like I'm doing a podcast. Somebody could say, well, you have to tap into your extroversion. Do that.

David Hall [00:07:59]:
No, no, no. I have to tap into my introversion. Something I learned when I was doing a lot of speaking with an extroverted friend of mine. I realized that the way we prepared was a Little different. She prepared, but it wasn't the same as the way I prepared or I needed to prepare. And again, don't compare yourself. Just figure out, okay, here's what works for me. So I do think ahead of time.

David Hall [00:08:30]:
What am I going to say? What stories am I going to tell? And then the other piece around speaking is where I'm going to give myself a break and manage my energy, because after a speech that I might really enjoy doing, I might need a break. So those kinds of things really help me as an introvert, but none of them make me an extrovert. And I think when you start saying things like that, like I'm an extroverted introvert, or I tap into my extroversion side, I think you're discounting who you are. You can do anything. You just might approach it differently. And we'll definitely get into that a lot today. And so most of my guests are introverts. I do allow a few extroverts on, and I always ask, what's a strength you have because you're an introvert? So the way I would answer that is I already started to that.

David Hall [00:09:29]:
I'm very analytical. You know, I think about problems a lot of times. Like, I can make quick decisions. We all can. But a lot of times I make better decisions given time, you know, letting my mind sit with the problem, I come up with great things, but that's letting my wheels turn, letting the problem roll around in my head. And given a little time, I can come up with some great ideas. I'm also a master of reflection. So if I mess up or make a mistake, fail at something, I can think about it, like, okay, why'd that happen? And some of our greatest lessons are from failures.

David Hall [00:10:13]:
If you study success, you're gonna fail just to be successful. You have to. But we can reflect and figure out, okay, what did I learn from that? What can I do better? And, you know, along with strengths come needs. So because sometimes I need to think deeply about something I may need to ask for, that I may say, hey, you know what, Let me give that some thought. Let me get back to you tomorrow. Or, you know, give me a couple minutes to think about that. Those kinds of things you might need to ask for. And then on this show, we bust myths.

David Hall [00:10:48]:
And so my question to myself, what's a couple common myths? We talked about one. Introverts like people, but probably one of the biggest ones is that introversion equals shyness. They're the same thing, and they are not. So introversion is a Turning inward and thinking, spending a lot of time in our inner world, our world of ideas and imagination. Shyness is when you lack confidence. You want to talk to somebody and you just. You feel too shy to. You want to approach a situation, and you're.

David Hall [00:11:27]:
You're afraid. So an introvert can be. Have all the confidence in the world. I know some very confident and outspoken introverts. Maybe they were shy at one time, maybe they've always been confident. I know both. I've met both kinds of people. And extroverts can be shy, too.

David Hall [00:11:47]:
I know plenty of shy extroverts. So introversion and shyness, not the same thing. However, the good news is if you are shy, if you're afraid to approach people or certain people, certain situations, things like that, you can gain confidence. And for me, it was getting to know my introversion. It was getting to know, oh, I do think and then speak. And it's a good thing. You know, people can wait for my response. And it's a strength.

David Hall [00:12:12]:
I'm coming up with some good ideas. So that's probably the biggest myth. The other thing that can be harmful is people saying that they're trying to put all introverts into one little box. We're half the population. We don't fit into one little box. There's some commonalities, like, we're deep thinkers, we're good at reflection, observation. There's some commonalities, but in other episodes, we explore different aspects of personality. You know, maybe.

David Hall [00:12:45]:
Maybe I'm an introvert, but I'm a very logical person. And I'm talking to another introvert who's a very empathic person. And we need to understand each other's strengths and gifts. So we're not all the same. And again, we get a lot into that on this show. I just focus on introversion, extroversion, because it's so misunderstood. And, you know, by understanding, we can be so much better for ourselves and other people. And then I get a question or statement.

David Hall [00:13:17]:
What is Amber version or David, I'm in the middle. So Amber version does mean that. That you're in the middle. I don't use it because when I hear it, I don't hear it used in a helpful manner. So I hear that, you know what? I got the best of both worlds. I'm an introvert. You know, I spend time alone, but I like people. And to me, it's like, well, are you spending? Are you turning inward more often? Are you thinking before you speak? Generally, that's what an introvert Is we all like people, you know, do, you know, going to a big event, you might enjoy it, but are you drained afterward? So I don't use the word ambivert.

David Hall [00:13:58]:
I think that you do lean one way or another. And again, it's not about the labels anyway. So many people are like, oh, am I an introvert? Am I an extrovert? Well, maybe I'm an ambert. It's about understanding what your strengths are, what you need, and how are you going to get what you want. You know, what, what do you want and what is the best approach for you to get there. So I don't use the word ambivert. I think, you know, for the nobody's dead in the middle, you, I think you lean one way or another. And again, it's, it's, it's so much more than that.

David Hall [00:14:30]:
It's who am I? You know, what do I need? What are my strengths? What is my path to success? Okay, I also get this question. What is your book minding your time, time management, productivity and success, especially for introverts all about? And why did you decide to write that? So I started blogging about 10 years ago, you know, after I figured out, oh, I'm an introvert, it's a good thing. So I started writing short articles about it. So I'm doing that. I have a full time job which often requires more than full time hours. Me and my wife run a business together, so that takes up some time. I have three kids and definitely back in those days there was a lot of going to different activities and lots of things like that. So while I'm studying introversion, I'm also studying time management.

David Hall [00:15:27]:
I'm reading a lot of great books. Like one of my favorites is Getting things done by David Allen. And as I'm reading these books, I'm realizing, you know what, as an introvert, I have some needs that aren't being called out in these books, you know. So that was my first book is how to manage your time as an introvert. And so just to summarize that, as I said, we often do best with some preparation. So you got to schedule some time for that. You got to figure out, okay, what meetings are coming up, what presentations do I have, what conversations maybe, and I need to schedule some time to prepare, you know, maybe I need to think about the agenda and do a little more research. Maybe I should write down the questions that I want to ask, write down the points I want to make.

David Hall [00:16:17]:
And so, you know, looking at our calendar is very important also yeah, we do get drained by certain things. And so looking ahead at our calendar, can we plug in some recharge time here and there? And maybe it's not. Maybe you're still working, but it's working quietly. So you can recharge while working quietly versus, you know, you just gave a presentation, it went fabulous, but you're drained. You know, like with the podcast, I have fabulous guests. I enjoy the conversations thoroughly. They don't drain me. But this just.

David Hall [00:16:53]:
Just in case, I always leave an hour after where I don't have anything else scheduled. So things like that. Also, we need time to focus on projects. Multitasking isn't really a thing, really. It's. We switch for. We can only think about one thing at a time. We switch back and forth.

David Hall [00:17:12]:
Some people are better at switching, but really, we can only think about one thing at a time. And, you know, when you're trying to multitask, it's like, all right, where'd I leave off? You also make a lot more mistakes. So setting. Living by your calendar and setting some time for things is very important. And this one applies to everybody. You got to prioritize. You can't do everything. I've tried.

David Hall [00:17:36]:
You can't do everything. So you gotta kind of have a retreat with yourself every so often, a lot more frequently than every January. And just think, okay, what have I accomplished? What do I want to accomplish? What is really going to move the needle in my work? What's going to help me have better relationships with my family and others? Having some quiet time. And again, we're good at taking quiet time and just reflecting on how's things going and what is most important to me, because you can't do everything. And, you know, by making these priorities, organizing your time, you can definitely avoid being overwhelmed, because when you're working on the wrong things and there's too much of it, that's when the overwhelm sets in, when you're not accomplishing your goals, when you're doing a lot of other things. So I believe that just like with many things, time management, there's an introvert approach. You need to keep your introvert strengths and needs in mind. And that's why I did that.

David Hall [00:18:36]:
And then I also get the question, why did you start this podcast? So again, it was a few years after the book, and we are in the pandemic. So I took a trip with my family to the Grand Canyon. It was spring break. And, you know, we heard that there's something about the pandemic, but it wasn't quite as serious as it got to be. And we had a great trip. So fun. And then we came home and immediately I got word, hey, we're all working from home all the time for. For now, you know, maybe a couple weeks, something like that.

David Hall [00:19:13]:
And then after that, there was so much talk about introversion, you know, like, oh, introverts are loving this. Being home all the time, being alone all the time. And I knew that wasn't true. You know, all of a sudden I'm at home with my wife, who always works at home, so. And she's an introvert. And now me and my three kids are in her space, and she's like, hey, where's my quiet time? And my kids, like two of them are now switched off into online school, which they didn't like. So it was a challenging time. And again, I love my wife and kids, but there was other people I was missing, I wasn't seeing other people.

David Hall [00:19:54]:
And, you know, I was feeling isolated like a lot of other introverts. And there's a. There was a lot of other myths and talk going around, and I decided to give voice to what introversion really is, just like I'm doing now. And so January 2, 2021, I launched the Quiet and Strong podcast. And January 2 is World Introvert Day every year. So let's be sure to celebrate that one next January 2nd. And since then, I've just had so many great guests. We talk about these things, like, what are the strengths and needs of introverts? And sometimes I'll have an introvert thought leader on, like Lori Helgo or Jen Graniman or Jennifer Kahnweiler.

David Hall [00:20:40]:
Sometimes I'll have somebody else on that's an introvert. But they really learn to lean into their introvert gifts. So they may be talking about something else. They may be talking about public speaking or leadership, but they're an introvert. And then sometimes others come on and we just talk about some strategy for success. And it's been. It's been a great time and I've had some really good conversations and have no plans to stop anytime soon. So another question that often comes up is, can introverts be great leaders? Yes, absolutely.

David Hall [00:21:18]:
But like we've been talking about, sometimes the path might look different. You know, there's this stereotype out there, this large and in charge leader. And maybe they are a great leader, maybe not. But being large and in charge isn't exactly what makes them a great leader. Introverts can be amazing leaders. Using your gifts. Maybe it's using A gift of strategic thinking or just, you know, observing, figuring out what's needed, figuring out how to share that, figuring out how to connect with your team, whether you lead introverts and extroverts, which is likely, or. Or whether you know, whoever it is that you're leading.

David Hall [00:21:57]:
How can I get to know them? How can I make them feel seen and heard? How can they know their strengths? And what do I need? Do I need some quiet time to do some thinking? You know, can do? I have to be available at all times to all people. And probably the answer is figure out your path to success as a leader. Introverts can make amazing leaders. This is a common topic on the show and another one that comes up often and we've talked about a little bit is, can introverts be successful at public speaking? Yes. Yes. Some of the best public speakers out there that you, the famous ones, are introverts. Another myth is that people think, oh, introverts don't have a lot to say. Guess what? We're always thinking.

David Hall [00:22:45]:
So we have plenty to say in public speaking can be a great way to get our message out there. You know, one to many. And again, I used to be terrified of public speaking, but I figured out, oh, you think first and then speak. You need to prepare. And so I will definitely, when I figure out I have to give a public speech or presentation. And maybe many of you aren't speaking to hundreds of people, but you're giving presentations maybe to three or four people at work, or you're presenting to a client or a prospective client. So you're, you're, you're speaking, you're doing public speaking in a lot of different ways. And so I used to be terrified.

David Hall [00:23:32]:
And I realized, you know what, I just need to organize my thoughts, think about my stories, you know, spend some time, let it sit, and then let the ideas roll around in my head. And as I have ideas, capture them. And that's another part of time management I forgot about. You're going to have some great ideas, and they might come at the wrong time. You're doing something else. You're in a meeting and you have an idea about something else, capture it, write it down. It might be a great idea, just not quite the time for it. And also, since we have a lot of ideas, we can't do them all.

David Hall [00:24:05]:
Capture those. David Allen calls this a someday maybe list. I love that. So I let the ideas roll around in my head and then, you know, as I think, oh, you know what, that's a good story. I'll write that down. So preparation is really key. The other thing is you have expertise. What is it? There's a reason why you're presenting.

David Hall [00:24:26]:
There's a reason why you're giving a speech, because people want to hear what you have to say. The other thing that's been really key for me is the perfectionism. So perfectionism can stop you from doing a lot of things when it comes to speaking. And this could even be speaking up in a meeting. It's like, I am not perfect. This is what I tell myself. But nobody listening is either. Nobody's perfect.

David Hall [00:24:53]:
So that's really been key in helping me be confident in speaking. The other thing is. So you need to manage your energy around speaking. Like I said, you know, after the podcast, I give myself some time. I. I love public speaking now. I don't even get nervous. I know that's not the case for everybody.

David Hall [00:25:13]:
You may still get nervous, but you can always ask yourself, why? Why am I nervous? Is this. Is this valid? Is there a reason why I should be nervous? And again, you know, the last thing I tell myself is, you got this. You did your preparation. You have something great to share. You got this. And then after we were gifted at reflection, think about it. And I always start with the good, like, okay, what did I like? What went well? What would I do different next time? So we can be amazing public speakers and also learn to plug some stories in there. You know, tell a story about this or that and get beyond just the facts.

David Hall [00:25:55]:
You know, bring the human element into it. We're built on stories as humans, and we learn through stories. So. And we. We've had this conversation on the podcast, too lot. Lots of episodes about storytelling. So have a listen to those. All right, here's a good one.

David Hall [00:26:16]:
What are the best jobs for introverts? Are there jobs for introverts? My answer is in general, no. In general, the job that's best for you is where you can use your strengths and you can honor your needs. That's the best job. Many jobs can be done by an introvert or extrovert, but they may be done differently, and that's fine. It has to be okay. You know, we need to have outcomes, but how you get to the outcome, we need to be able to vary there. So I was talking to someone the other day, and, you know, he had introverted programmers on his team and extroverted programmers. So maybe sometimes people stereotype programmers as all introverts, and that's not true.

David Hall [00:27:02]:
It could lend itself to, you know, introverts because they can have some quiet time and get some work done. And that's the expectation. But extroverts can be programmers too, and they might just go about it a little differently, you know, so there isn't a best job in general. But how am I able to use my strengths and my needs? That's, that's my advice there. And then I also get what's, what's some good resources out there. What's your favorite book? And so early on I came across introvert power by Dr. Lori Helgo. And I had two big takeaways from that.

David Hall [00:27:40]:
One is in the title Introvert Power. There is a great strength like we've been talking about in being an introvert. You just got to understand it. The other thing was at the time before I read her book, I was hearing a lot of, oh, introverts, about a third of the population. And she said that backed it up with data that about 50% and perhaps even more of the population were introverts. Again, if you think that number is high, you may not understand what introversion is because introversion is not shyness. So if you're equating introvert and shyness, you may think the number is lower also. Just remember extroverts can be shy too.

David Hall [00:28:22]:
So 50%. And that just means there's many types of introverts and there's a lot of misunderstandings we can bust. And then I had Lori on the show. She was, came on with her extroverted or husband Baron and they were just celebrating 40 years of marriage. They did a little podcast of their own and it was just such a good contrast. I recommend that episode having an introvert, an extrovert that are in relationship, could be a family relationship, could be a business relationship and understanding those differences like he generally and throughout this episode you probably heard me say, say general. And usually because that's really important. Nobody's ever one way all the time.

David Hall [00:29:07]:
He generally likes to think out loud. He doesn't mind sharing half baked ideas. They joke about that. So that's why I can joke about it too. She's gonna think and share what she thinks most important. So for him, he wants the back and forth and to her, she wants a minute to think and then share. And it took them a little while to figure that out. In fact, he said on the show, he said that it was when he was helping her edit her book, he's like, oh, okay, I understand my wife now.

David Hall [00:29:39]:
So it was just a really good contrast of how an introvert operates naturally, we're not going to change it and how an extrovert operates naturally and we're not going to change that. But understanding ourselves and understanding each other is a key to all this. And then if I was a guest on my show, I'd also say do anything else you want to add and I would say self awareness is key. Get to know yourself. Take some assessments, read some books. If you're an introvert, think deeply on your your gifts and your strengths and your strategies for success. Keep listening to this podcast. Some other good podcasts out there as well.

David Hall [00:30:23]:
So thanks for joining me today. I appreciate you. Reach out at David quiet and strong.com if you have questions or if you want to recommend a guest for the show. There's a free typefinder personality quiz on the Quiet and Strong website. Check that out and again, get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.