Ep 244 - Discovering Purpose and Thriving in Life with Rand Selig

What does it truly mean to thrive in your personal and professional life? In this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with Rand Selig—entrepreneur, coach, and author of "Thriving: How to Create a Healthier, Happier and More Prosperous Life." Together, they explore the foundational elements of thriving, including finding your purpose, building strong relationships, financial wisdom, practicing gratitude, and embracing lifelong learning.

Listeners will gain insights into how self-awareness can shape a meaningful life, discover why introversion is a valuable strength (not a weakness!), and hear practical strategies for harnessing your emotions and designing a life of intention. Rand shares his journey of personal growth, the importance of being in awe of the world, and how to redefine success beyond external achievements.

Tune in to learn actionable tips for embracing your introverted strengths, building a life filled with purpose, and moving ever forward on your unique path. Whether you’re seeking clarity in your goals or inspiration to live more authentically, this episode offers encouragement and wisdom you won’t want to miss.

Listen now—and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/244

Rand Selig is an accomplished entrepreneur, coach, scoutmaster, board member, and roll-up-your-sleeves conservationist. With an MBA from Stanford and undergraduate degrees in mathematics and psychology, he excels at managing complex projects globally. He founded and has run The Selig Capital Group for over three decades. His firm was named the best sustainable investment banking firm in the San Francisco Bay Area in 2024 by Wealth and Finance International. He shares his extensive expertise in his book Thriving! How to Create a Healthier, Happier, and More Prosperous Life.

Website: RandsSelig.com

LinkedIn: randselig

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Transcript

Rand Selig [00:00:00]:
There's four parts to thriving. First part is thriving. Personally, this is so important. It's so foundational. It includes many many different things. It includes building character. It means handling your money well. It means being grateful.

Rand Selig [00:00:18]:
It means having purpose. It means, in my view, having spirituality, which I define as being in awe and humble. So that's. I go to nature for that. So they're a group of things. And of course having emotions that work for you. And that includes the bad emotions. All emotions have some kind of play and value if you let them.

Rand Selig [00:00:44]:
If you're not just beaten up by them, the bad ones. The first important thing is to be thriving. Personally, I say the most important relationship you'll ever have in your life is the one with yourself. Foreign.

David Hall [00:01:06]:
Welcome to episode 244 of the Kawaii and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host David hall and the creator of Quiet and Strong Dot com. It's a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts along with strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally we will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform, leave a review or rating that would mean a lot to me and also help others find the show, tell a friend about the podcast and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. Ran Selig is an accomplished entrepreneur, coach, scout, master, board member and roll up your sleeves. Conservationalist.

David Hall [00:01:50]:
With the MBA from Stanford and undergraduate degrees in mathematics and psychology, he excels at managing complex problem complex projects globally. He founded and has run the Sale Capital Group for over three decades. His firm was named the best sustainable investment banking firm in the San Francisco bay area in 2024 by wealth and Finance International. He shares his extensive expertise in his book Thriving how to Create a Healthier, Happier and More Prosperous Life. All right, welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast. Rand. Rand, it's so good to have you on today.

Rand Selig [00:02:31]:
David. It's. It's absolutely my pleasure.

David Hall [00:02:33]:
Yeah, we're going to get into your. Your book. I've really been enjoying it. But first, just tell us a little bit more about yourself and your journey to where you are now.

Rand Selig [00:02:44]:
Well, I there, there's several really big anchoring elements to who I am and you know, what my journey's been about. Since high school, I've been really committed to excellence, excellence in all the work I do and the relationships I have. I'm very committed to service. I've served on 18 different boards and been a scoutmaster, Little league coach. I believe that, that I have the power to design my own life. So there are many, many elements to that, including starting my own company. You know, of course, of course I should start with marrying my wife. We've been married 44 years.

Rand Selig [00:03:26]:
All right, so that's, that's an adventure in and of itself. Moving to, making the decision to move to the town of Mill Valley, 20 minutes north of San Francisco. These, these are very big designing features. And because of my experience, I believe other people can. To design their own lives.

David Hall [00:03:48]:
Yeah. Amazing. And of course, this is the Quiet and Strong podcast and you are a fellow introvert. So when did you figure that out? And did you, did you have to learn to embrace it?

Rand Selig [00:03:58]:
Well, I think I discovered it in my 20s. You know, up until then I had been, I've always had a lot of friends, but my engagement was kind of one on one or, you know, one on two kinds of things, small groups. But then in my 20s, as my career kicked underway, I was going to a lot of cocktail parties, bigger sessions, and I, I would come back from those thinking I didn't, I didn't enjoy it. I don't like small talk. I feel, I feel uncomfortable. And so I began looking into that and reading more, and I discovered, you know, I am introverted. And so I said, ah, you know, I'm not alone, but we are living in an extroverted world. So I need to just take care of myself and go through this.

Rand Selig [00:04:49]:
It's not the first person or the person who talks the most is the most important. So I got to just deal with that too.

David Hall [00:04:57]:
Yeah. And what's a strength that you have because you're an introvert?

Rand Selig [00:05:02]:
Well, I, I definitely take time for myself every day. I like solitude. I do my best thinking by myself quietly. I, I take walks in nature or I take a run or whatever. Nature is a very soothing, calming kind of thing, a very centering thing. So, so I do that. And it, and it also, besides the self care element, it really enhances my appreciation, appreciate, and humility. I have to throw it in, you know, when I'm out in nature.

Rand Selig [00:05:34]:
And I go, you know, you're, you're a pretty small, little insignificant dude. And I go, yep, that's, that's true.

David Hall [00:05:43]:
And then we also bust myths on this show. Is there a myth about introversion you want to dispel today?

Rand Selig [00:05:50]:
Well, I think a lot of people are shocked when I tell them I'm introverted. And they go, wow, wow, you are so Gregarious you have big personality. What? Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't see you as being introvert. And I said, well, introversion is not the same as being shy. A lot of people make that mistake. I mean, you, you can be introverted and shy, but they are not synonymous. So I'm very social and introverted. And it, the.

Rand Selig [00:06:18]:
Basically, I think the technical definition, David, you know, add and correct me if you like, but is that how you recharge? Introverts need to recharge quietly by themselves, whereas extroverts get fueled up. The more, the more stuff that, the more social interactions they have, the more fired up they are. So there's a big difference in the recharging element. But it's not about shyness.

David Hall [00:06:44]:
Yeah, yeah, we bust that regularly. And you know, one of the things I say is, well, extroverts can be shy too. So, so it's not the definition. It's really. We do need to recharge for various reasons. And then I also say we're deep thinkers. We, we go inward more than. More than not.

David Hall [00:07:03]:
And we generally think and then speak. And we're extroverts, speak in order to think. And, and it's just a little bit different. And it's, it's. And we also need time for a lot of things. Like you just said, you, you need some quiet time to get some good thinking done. And you write about that in your.

Rand Selig [00:07:24]:
Yeah, yeah, key, key. And I think it's really important for people to understand where they are on that. You could actually be a hybrid. I mean, it's like everything in life, it's kind of a spectrum, and it's not necessarily a fixed thing. Who you are at age 30 is not necessarily who you are at age 50 or 60 or something like that. So. But it's really important to do that. Look, and I actually talk in my book about a test you can take a very simple test that'll really clarify that.

Rand Selig [00:07:56]:
And then, and then you get armed with, with that information and, and it'll help you navigate. And I also talk about an absolutely fabulous book about this. In the back of my book, in the appendix are 75 paragraphs on books, different books that I've read that really impacted me. And one of them is a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. Oh, my gosh, what a Fabulous, fabulous. But I highly recommend it to your listeners.

David Hall [00:08:24]:
Yeah, that's a great book. I recommend it to. She definitely changed a lot of lives writing that book.

Rand Selig [00:08:30]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David Hall [00:08:32]:
Well, let's Talk about your book. So I'm going to read the whole title, Thriving how to Create a Healthier, Happier and More Productive Life. So what caused you to write this?

Rand Selig [00:08:42]:
Well, I originally thought that I wanted to write up my sort of philosophy of life and make that a legacy project for friends and family. So I wrote the manuscript and I sent it wisely to three friends who knew me really well and had written books and said, please give me your comments. Tell me not just the typos, but what you think, what's missing? And they all came back and basically said, no. And I sort of. My jaw flew open. I said, oh, no, that's. Oh, wow, Discouraging. And they said, no, no, it's so important.

Rand Selig [00:09:19]:
It's such a good book that you have to get it out into the world. You have to publish it, you have to make it available to as many people as possible. And what a. What a. You know, all three in different ways said the same thing. So I got underway with that. It's my mission to engage people around the possibilities that you can design your own life, you can get on this path to thriving and reach your potential.

David Hall [00:09:45]:
Yeah. So let's talk about that, what it means to thrive and just, you know, when did you kind of get on that pathway of thriving?

Rand Selig [00:09:53]:
Yeah, well, so let me answer that, that second question first. I got on the. On the path to thriving. I think I've been on this path for a long time. Of course, there have been setbacks, there have been obstacles. But I like to tell people thriving is the climate. It's the average over time. It's not.

Rand Selig [00:10:14]:
It's not the weather. It's not today's bad, crappy weather. And then all of a sudden you're not thriving. You know, everybody has bad days. So I have been very intentional. I think that's part of the introversion element to me. And, you know, I've worked hard and I've accomplished a lot. I've been very, very dedicated to projects I've taken on.

Rand Selig [00:10:39]:
So the thriving element, which. Which I'll explain a little bit more in, in a minute, is something that I've continued to build and clarify for myself and live it. It's not, not enough to just say, okay, that's what it is. You know, what it is, is, is how I'm living life. So what is thriving? Well, to me, and it's. It's kind of a high bar, admittedly, but there's four parts to thriving. First part is thriving. Personally, this is so important.

Rand Selig [00:11:14]:
It's so foundational. It's half of my book. It includes many, many different things. It includes building character. It means handling your money well. It means being grateful. It means having purpose. It means, in my view, having spirituality, which I define as being in awe and humble.

Rand Selig [00:11:36]:
So that's. I go to nature for that. So there are a group of things and of course, having emotions that work for you, and that includes the bad emotions. All emotions have some kind of play and value if you let them, if you're not just beaten up by them, the bad ones. I even have a discussion about dying because a lot of people are very conflicted about that. And so, you know, trying to open that up. So the first important thing is to be thriving. Personally, I say the most important relationship you'll ever have in your life is the one with yourself.

Rand Selig [00:12:12]:
So from there I go on to thriving with others and that. So I investigate there how to build relationships, deep and enduring relationships. You know, my. My observation, having met thousands and thousands of people, worked with lots and lots of people, you know, kids all the way through, people, you know, in retirement homes, is that the friends they have, they made at a particular point in their life may be in school. And to find new friends is not an easy thing to do. So I talk about the architecture of building relationships, and I also talk about whole chapter on leadership and management. They're two different things. People use those terms interchangeably, but they're very different.

Rand Selig [00:13:00]:
They call on a person to have different skills and different focuses. In essence, a leader is the person who has vision and articulates it and builds culture, whereas the manager is the one who's executing the plan and getting the teams to get on the task and adjust accordingly. So then I go to part three of the book, which is Thriving out in the World, which. Which includes being of service, of being generous, being charitable, being philanthropic, volunteering, whether it's in your local neighborhood and doing something, or it's on a board or. Or at the school, whatever it is. And another critical ingredient is taking care of Mother Nature. We have enormous power to keep messing things up, but we can make a lot of little choices in our everyday life. What we buy, how we spend our money, you know, what the temperature is, how much air conditioning is going on, if it's hot where you are, and so on.

Rand Selig [00:14:07]:
So part three and then part four is a critically important part. It's just thriving by moving ever forward in life. So this is about gaining wisdom. I mean, everybody has wisdom of some type or another. And I've met people in their, you know, in high school, and they say things. I go, wow, that's really, that's really wise. They've discovered themselves. Or they're, they're, they're selecting that from something they heard from a teacher or a parent, and they're really on it.

Rand Selig [00:14:36]:
So you want to collect your wisdom, you want to be aware of it. I talk about wisdom in a chapter. I reflect on my own wisdom. And it's, it's also about lifelong being a lifelong learner. Learner. And so being curious about life and being willing to be honest about mistakes you've made and to learn from them so that you can evolve into being the best person you can. I have a quote, lots of quotes in my book, but one is a great quote by Ernest Hemingway and he.

David Hall [00:15:10]:
Says.

Rand Selig [00:15:13]:
Being noble is not being superior to your fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your former self. And so this is the key to this last section of thriving by moving ever forward in life. And it makes life fulfilling, it makes life enjoyable.

David Hall [00:15:35]:
Yeah, and I told you before we hit record that I've been enjoying your book, but there's so much in it. We're not going to cover it all today, but we'll definitely dive a little bit deeper into some of the topics you just mentioned. But to start with, how do we become self aware? How do we start this?

Rand Selig [00:15:52]:
David, it's a critically important question. Thanks for bringing that up. You know, you have to look, you have to take the time to inspect who you are and what's going on in your life. That's not easy. And unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you think about it, it's not a one and done kind of thing. You know, when, if you do that deep look and understand who you are, what your values are, what you stand for, what you won't stand for, how what you're doing aligns with those values, having a purpose. Maybe as you mature and you're in your 40s or later, you say, here's, here's what my. I want to build my life around legacy, having a legacy.

Rand Selig [00:16:39]:
And once you do that, you can live that legacy. Now, doing that work needs to be done. Again, you need to review it periodically. I don't. There's no schedule that depends on, you know, what's going on in your life and you know, what kind of changes are going on. Transitions can make some changes about that, but being self aware is really pulling out a very bright light. Nobody else has to look at the notes you take. Nobody has to hear your inner thoughts.

Rand Selig [00:17:14]:
So you can be honest about it. You can say, hey, I'm good at this. I like myself. I look in the mirror, this is the person I want to be. But then when I turn my head the other way and I look, that's a person. I could be better. I could be a better person when I'm doing that, or I'm involved in this kind of relationship, and that's an invitation. Make it an invitation to yourself.

Rand Selig [00:17:37]:
By the way, I mentioned writing stuff down. There's new research now being made available that shows that actually physically writing things down with the pencil or pen on a piece of paper makes things stick. They make it clear as opposed to typing it in to something. So I'm a big advocate for that. Journaling is all big part of this. And when I'm confused, so confusion, I'm just not feeling something's off, but I don't know what. And often the confusion is because there are multiple things all stuck together in a little sticky ball. I have to go down and write it down and take it apart, figure out what was going on, what the parts of it were, what role I played in this thing, what the role of somebody else or other people played.

Rand Selig [00:18:30]:
And then once I've got the map, I can see it, then I can say, now I can develop some strategies. I, I need to apologize. I need to, instead of doing this, do something different. Those kinds of things, very, very valuable that comes out of journaling for me.

David Hall [00:18:47]:
Yeah. And it's fascinating. I'm very tech savvy, but I think best with pen and paper. And then, you know, I'll probably put some of those things. It, you know, type in some of those things that I've written down. But it's just, that's how our minds seem to work. That's how I think.

Rand Selig [00:19:03]:
Yeah. Very good. Very good. I, I absolutely right.

David Hall [00:19:08]:
Yeah. And in the book, you pose the question to the reader, what gives you goosebumps? So, Rand, what gives you goosebumps?

Rand Selig [00:19:15]:
Oh, gosh. Thank you. There's. There's a lot I say about that. I mean, it's just a couple of paragraphs, but it's one beautiful goosebump after another. I get goosebump bumps by seeing beautiful things in nature. I, I just, I look at a bird, I look at a leaf, you know, a bud in the spring of a flower. And I just, it just, I just, I'm.

Rand Selig [00:19:39]:
I love seeing it. It just makes you excited. I love seeing the triumph of good over evil. I love seeing people bringing out the best themselves, being Kind. I love seeing really deep relationships where I see a child and their parent and there's just this loving thing. The kid looks up at the parent and has this look that is just, you know, it's. You could. You could put words to it.

Rand Selig [00:20:07]:
It's. I'm learning. I'm a sponge. I appreciate you. I love you. All these marvelous, marvelous things that are just part of our life, they're there. We can just open our eyes and see them. They give me goosebumps.

Rand Selig [00:20:23]:
I love seeing people perform really well. Certain athletics are just amazing. The ability of people to play music or to do some physical thing that I can watch and say, I don't know how they do that. I. I can't do that. No matter it seems to me what kind of training I do or how good a shape I might be in, I. I just in awe and amazed. It's just kind of.

Rand Selig [00:20:54]:
Just makes. Makes me. It makes me very happy. And yes, often it's. It's goosebumps.

David Hall [00:21:01]:
Yeah. Yeah. And you know, what you just said, that's. That's part of the whole point is we all have our different strengths and skills, and it's like discovering what those are. And that kind of leads into, you know, how does someone find their life's purpose? You know, they find. What gives them goosebumps is definitely a big part of that.

Rand Selig [00:21:22]:
Well, I think so. And, you know, again, another really critical questions. If. If you have purpose, research tells us it's going to add seven years to your life. Now I'm thinking that's not just more years, that's more good years. That's more probably happy, connected years where you're engaged. So there are a couple of myths around purpose. Purpose is something that's a big part of our language.

Rand Selig [00:21:51]:
We talk about purpose, but the fact of the matter is that we don't find purpose. It's not like walk down the street and you find a $20 bill, oh, yeah, great. No, it's about creating it. It's about making it happen. It doesn't have to be a grand thing. That's another thing. People say, oh, purpose has just got to be this enormously big thing. No, no, no.

Rand Selig [00:22:15]:
I've given many talks at retirement homes, and I talk about the 10 keys to aging well. And I start with having purpose. And people look at me with these big eyes and say, well, my purpose is to wake up tomorrow and have a yummy lunch. And I go, hey, I'm happy you're here, and I'm happy you're looking Forward to lunch tomorrow. But you could have purpose of being just a kind person, of listening. Well, of asking some important questions, of offering to help some new resident find their way, because you've been here a couple of years and you know the ropes a little bit better. That's purpose, and it's noble purpose. It may not be grand, but it's noble.

Rand Selig [00:22:59]:
And the other thing I would say is the purpose is very personal. So the purpose that I would have is likely to be a bit different than yours, David. And it's not a comparison kind of thing at all. It's about whether it sort of. It's the feeling that you have that you're doing what matters. It boils down to that. And when you can say that honestly to yourself, then it doesn't matter. What anybody else says.

Rand Selig [00:23:32]:
Doesn't matter.

David Hall [00:23:33]:
Yeah, that's great. So you start. You were. You mentioned how important lifelong learning is.

Rand Selig [00:23:39]:
Yeah.

David Hall [00:23:39]:
How do you approach that?

Rand Selig [00:23:43]:
Well, I. I think the core of it is being a curious person. And, you know, I see lots of. Lots of kids. I see it now with my grandkids. You can instill that in people. You can instill that at the workplace. You can instill that with people who are, you know, well on in life.

Rand Selig [00:24:04]:
It's by asking the question, hey, look at that. I wonder how. How that got built. I wonder why that bird is going over there rather than over there. It's just asking the questions. And, you know, it's not just making it a big science project or, you know, homework or something. It's just genuinely bringing that on. You know, I deal with my granddaughters and I'll say something, grandpa, what does that mean? You use that word? Please, let's explain that.

Rand Selig [00:24:36]:
And I love it, you know, reading a book together. And they'll ask, well, what does that mean? I go, that's it. That's it. So being curious and being curious is also makes life fun. So, you know, you think about taking a trip. A lot of people say, oh, you know, I can't wait to take the next trip. And I think what. What's behind that, what makes it enjoyable for them is they're.

Rand Selig [00:24:59]:
They're learning new things. They're seeing people dress differently, speaking differently, eating different food, the architecture is different, whatever. They're living life a little bit differently. Where they are, even if you're traveling just a few hundred miles away. And there's a different dialect. Same, same language, but a different dialect. So I think that the core of that is that they. They had a chance to Be curious and, and they had fun doing that.

Rand Selig [00:25:26]:
So lifelong learning is critical because it's part of this evolving, evolving into a better person. It allows you to discover and grow about yourself and about the world. Very, very, very key element to thriving.

David Hall [00:25:44]:
Yeah. And I think this kind of goes along with lifelong learning is how do we learn from our mistakes or our failures? Yeah.

Rand Selig [00:25:53]:
Yeah. Well, I think that the strongest and best people I've met in my life are willing to learn from their mistakes. I don't think people who made a mistake want to do it again. They want to get out of that pattern, but the only way to. And so part of it is sometimes it's a one off thing and it doesn't recur, but sometimes it's about patterns. So you got to observe that. Back to this self awareness routine. And it takes being honest again.

Rand Selig [00:26:27]:
What was that mistake all about? Why did I do that? Did I not know that that was a bad thing to do? Or did I do it and just because I was in a rush or because I didn't care or I was being kind of selfish? You got to look at that and figure out what led to that. And sometimes it's all about you. The mistake is close to 100% you, but sometimes it's a combination. Something else was going on, maybe at the workplace, maybe in the family where you got triggered and you, you know, you, you went on, on a path and it, you said some things that you regretted saying, you did some things that were not helpful. And so you have to look at those with that honesty and takes courage. It takes some courage to do that. And once you've inspected that, then you can say, what, what am I going to learn about that? What? What? So when I'm in this situation, what I need to do is take some deep breaths and instead of saying things, maybe I need to ask some questions. Why did you, David, why did you say that? But say it on genuinely, you know, with, with a, an interest in hearing the answer, not just sort of saying, oh, here's David gonna say, tell me some stuff I don't want to hear.

Rand Selig [00:27:48]:
You got to really say, David's a good guy. So why did he tell me that? Why did he say that? Why did the boss say that? Why did my, my, my father or my, my son say those things? Ask some questions. So there's a whole kind of, whole process of holding this so that you avoid reacting right away. There's a space, the space between the event and your reaction gives you a huge gift of a chance to Say, what am I going to do now? Take a breath, ask a question, walk away for a few minutes.

David Hall [00:28:29]:
Yeah. And I think that walk away for a few minutes can be especially important for introverts because we do need time to process. It's a good thing, it's a strength because we have some great ideas and let them process, but it's also a need that we have.

Rand Selig [00:28:45]:
And I think any big decision, sleep on it. It's amazing to me how often I'm go to bed and I'm kind of thinking about something overnight, I'm thinking about it more and my, the other part of my subconscious brain, and all of a sudden I wake up in the morning and I have a new approach, an approach that all sudden brings in something I was not thinking about but is really, really powerful. Good. And I'm excited about it and I've moved to a different place to be a different kind of person around that issue.

David Hall [00:29:22]:
Yeah. And so sometimes introverts, we come up with things quickly. But a lot of times, and as you're saying, especially with big decisions, I know that as I look back on big decisions, the best ones came with time, you know, where you just let your great mind work on things, maybe you're doing some other things and you let, let ideas roll around in the back of your head and you do put together some great ideas. And we need to give ourselves permission sometimes ask, you know, hey, let me think about that. You know, let me have this much time to think about that.

Rand Selig [00:29:58]:
That's a, it's an absolutely lovely point, David. I, I ask people, who's driving your bus? You know, if you're driving the bus, you're making those decisions, you're deciding how fast to go, you're deciding when to stop, maybe to take that walk. Go away, leave the situation, let it percolate, let it marinate. You're deciding who to invite on your bus, you're deciding who to invite off your bus. These are incredibly powerful things we can do. And I agree, as an introvert, I think it's probably a little bit different than the way we'd approach that. But extroverts, introverts, we have power. It's just a question of accessing it.

David Hall [00:30:38]:
Yeah. So you have many years in the financial industry and you write about that in your book and you could probably, we could probably have a whole episode on this, you know, with your experience, but, you know, what does it mean to thrive financially? And you also say address in the book, how much is enough?

Rand Selig [00:30:57]:
Yeah, well, I, I can Address this from the, the narrower point of financially, but also the bigger scheme of what does success look like? You know, in our society, success is really very tightly connected to financial success. And to be financially successful, there's a series of things. I do talk about them in the book. You know, it's a question of earning more than you spend. If you're a deficit spender and then you're borrowing money and at high interest rates or whatever, that's not a good thing. Are you working hard enough? I've met a lot of people who are not working hard enough. They have the opportunity to work harder. They physically can, they mentally can, but they just don't want to work.

Rand Selig [00:31:46]:
So that's, that's another ingredient on this earning question. And unfortunately, there are a lot of inequities going on. You know, it's still the case that women get paid less than men for the same job. We still have a lot of that going on. And it's not just here in the us it's around the world. So these are issues that, that are part of the being successful financially. And of course, if you do have some, some savings, the question is, what do you do with them? You know, are you investing them properly? There's, there's lots of really good books and really good people out there who are willing to help. They're not going to charge you to sell you an investment.

Rand Selig [00:32:30]:
They're there to help you navigate and clarify what your financial objectives are. So that's the financial side of it. And again, I would just refer your readers to my book. And again in the appendix, there are many other books that I refer to, are really dialed in very specifically to some of these questions about building a life of financial success. But the bigger question for me is redefining success. Redefining success to about who you are, how you are feeling as a person. So in my investment banking career and just little thing, my firm was just named the best merger and acquisition firm in the state of California. I mean, so I've worked with a lot of great owners, great companies and been of service.

Rand Selig [00:33:28]:
And that's what's distinguished us from the outfits that just want to cha ching, ring the cash register when the transaction closes. But I've met a lot of very wealthy people in my life and I have to say, David, and to your listeners, a lot of them, in my view, are not successful. Yes, they had a big investment account, a big savings account, but when I looked at their relationships, and of course we talked about that in the course of the Work together. They had failed relationships at the workplace and in their personal life. Kids not talking to them, divorces, whatever, some pain. They were not success. They didn't take care of themselves physically. They were working so hard.

Rand Selig [00:34:11]:
They were in a state of burnout. They were not emotionally healthy. These were not successful people, even though the financial side of the thing checked out. So I encourage everybody to think about this. It's all a very personal thing. How do you define success? You know, I. I love the question. I've spent a lot of time thinking about that, and it's not as if it's an answer that is, again, cast in stone and can't be changed.

Rand Selig [00:34:39]:
But there. There's some bedrock elements to this that I think define who you are and what, you know, what makes. What makes you feel successful. So for me, one of them is living authentically, which means that I'm the work. How I'm rolling through life is exactly laminated with my values. I'm not. There's no light between them. I'm living with a lot of vitality.

Rand Selig [00:35:06]:
I'm building relationships that I care about and people care about me. I have purpose. I can state it. It's a mission, and that's what I'm doing with this work. On thriving. I'm grateful. I'm just. Even when the circumstances are kind of sour, some bad news happens, some doctor lab test, whatever, I can still be grateful because I can look at the support I have, I can look at the quality of the doctoring.

Rand Selig [00:35:35]:
I can look at the fact that I'm living now rather than 100 years ago. You know, these kinds of things. Grateful. Grateful for all that. Having peace of mind. So these are just some of the elements that I have in my list of how I define being successful. And I look at them from time to time and I go down and say, you know, am I there? Is there something, you know, a little. Did I slip down? What's going on that I need to attend to? I need to put some more energy into.

Rand Selig [00:36:11]:
And at the end of the day, it all boils down to being a certain kind of person. So I say it's really important as part of my legacy is, you know, I go from excellence to purpose, to encouragement, to finally being the kind of person of being love, which is being kind and being respectful, being generous, listening, being that person.

David Hall [00:36:37]:
Yeah. And, you know, you also write about determining how much is enough. And I'm interested in that question because, you know, over my career, I've helped a lot of people make career decisions. Sometimes they say, money's not enough. And I say, I have been up and I've been down, and, you know, having enough, whatever that means to you, is very important. You know, being able to provide for yourself and your family and others is very important. But the amount of money people are going to want, it's going to vary by individual. But how do you get to that point, especially when you're making career decisions about how much is enough?

Rand Selig [00:37:13]:
Well, I think it boils down to whether your view is external or internal. If you're looking outside, which is a very common thing. And of course, our society and all our marketing geniuses and advertising geniuses want you to look externally. You know, you're seeing somebody pull up at the workplace in a new vehicle that's all shiny and cool. You're talking to somebody who said, oh, I just went on this great vacation, and we did this and this. And you're going, wow, that was pretty expensive stuff that you did. You know, it goes on and on. There's stuff external ways in which people are spending a lot of money.

Rand Selig [00:37:58]:
And you have to say to yourself, is that what I want is, do I want that for myself? Truly, do I want that for myself? Is the house I'm living in just perfectly fine? If we just put on another coat of paint and repair this thing, is that gonna. Is that gonna be okay? Or do we actually need to spend the huge amount of money to redo the bathroom? You know, what's. What's going on? So, you know, the internal look of what's really important to you, how you want to spend your time, you know, is jumping on a plane, all that cool thing, as opposed to getting in the car and driving three hours to a beautiful lake? You know, I mean, I'm not making any judgments. I'm just asking the question, what is it that really is going to be enough for you? It's very easy. I mean, the thing that a lot of people who downsize, you know, they move from the big house to an apartment, you know, they're going into a retirement home or something. The one of the biggest things is they got to declutter. They've been called collecting stuff for so long that that stuff is, you know, why they got it in the first place is not clear. So that's step one.

Rand Selig [00:39:12]:
But then why did they keep it? Why didn't they just give it away a lot sooner, declutter along the way? It just makes, you know, your arms lighter. You can move better through life. So, again, stuff less is more. Less is more often.

David Hall [00:39:30]:
Yeah. One more question for you. So what role does gratitude play in thriving?

Rand Selig [00:39:35]:
Well, I, I, I'm a big believer in, in being very conscious of, of being grateful. Every day I'm going to look out where I live. I made a choice about that. It was one of the design features. We live in a beautiful place. I can walk out the front door of my house and find a calming, beautiful place. As the introvert, that's really important. I can go for a run, you know, you know, I'm, I'm located in a place where there are, you know, some, some nearby good things.

Rand Selig [00:40:05]:
I like restaurants or, you know, a gym that I go to. Very convenient for me. So I am grateful a lot. I'm grateful for having the support. I'm very aware again, you know, I'm self aware. I've taken the time. Who are the people that matter to me in my life? That list today is different than it was three years ago. That's okay.

Rand Selig [00:40:27]:
New people have come along and some other people have kind of not fallen away entirely. Some have, but others just sort of taken a step back. They're focused on different things. So I'm grateful for the support I get, have to manage the support. Sometimes I need to just talk and talk things out, you know, like, and I say to people I know I can trust, can't, can I explain something and just have you be a sounding board? I really don't want you to give me any advice. You know, just, could you do that? And they go, absolutely. They say, you know, can we do this tomorrow? I go, sure, of course. You know, somebody recently told me they were talking to their adult daughter and the, the daughter was going on, very upset about something, and the person said, hmm, I wonder, does she need advice? Does she need me to listen or does she need a hug? And so having support, managing the support, being grateful for the life you're, you're living.

Rand Selig [00:41:37]:
And yes, there are, there are people who are having issues. I'm not denying that whatsoever. But a lot of the fears, a lot, a lot of the things that go on in our lives are not real. We're making them up out of some kind of level of anxiety. So being grateful for the things you do have in your life, being grateful for the stuff you do control. And by the way, this is one of the hardest things that I had to learn is that I was not controlling as much as I thought I was. Here I was running this big company and doing all these other things, and I realized, oh, you know, I'M not as much control my adult children, both terrific and my wife help me, help me see this more clearly. What I do control are only four things.

Rand Selig [00:42:29]:
I control my attitude. I could control the amount of effort I was putting into something. I could control my behavior and then I could control the actions I chose to take. Everything else was just about influence. So I'm grateful for being a lifelong learner and being curious and I'm grateful for all the teachers I've had in my life and the people who continue to teach me.

David Hall [00:42:57]:
Yeah, Red, this has been a wonderful conversation about your book thriving. Is there anything else you want to add today?

Rand Selig [00:43:04]:
Well, I just surely hope that people will grab a copy of this book. I mean, it's got so many great reviews and testimonials and I mean, I'm constantly being invited to do things and this is my mission. So I encourage people to pick up a copy, maybe pick up a copy for a friend or a family member, maybe somebody at the, at the, at the workplace. I think, I think you'll get, you know, benefit out of this book. I'm very confident. And you can connect with me on my website and say, hey, Rand, I have a question about this or I disagree with you about that, or hey, I'd love to have you talk to our company or, or come to our book group. These are all on the website page. You can connect with me there.

Rand Selig [00:43:47]:
You can, of course also order the book on the website.

David Hall [00:43:52]:
Yeah, yeah, I'll be sure to put the website in the show notes. Thanks again. This has been a wonderful conversation.

Rand Selig [00:43:59]:
I've loved it. David, you're a terrific host.

David Hall [00:44:02]:
All right, thank you. Thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you. I hope you take the time to explore other episodes and learn from other amazing guests. Remember, if you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there is now a free typefinder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report including the four letter Myers Briggs code. I'll add a link in the show notes and I'd love to connect with you. Reach out@daviduyandstrong.com or check out the quietandstrong.com website which includes blog posts and links to social media for quiet and strong and much more.

David Hall [00:44:40]:
Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. So many great things about being an introvert and so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.