Ep 274 - Why Introverts Don’t Need Fixing with Host David Hall

Have you ever felt pressured to change who you are just to fit into a world that celebrates extroversion? In this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall explores why introverts don’t need fixing—and how embracing your authentic self can lead to greater confidence, happiness, and success.

Listeners will learn the difference between introversion and shyness, discover powerful examples of introvert-extrovert partnerships (in families, relationships, and at work), and gain practical strategies for leaning into your strengths as an introvert. Key takeaways include why self-awareness is essential, how understanding your unique personality can unlock productivity and connection, and why comparing yourself to others never serves your true potential.

Tune in to hear David Hall’s insights, book recommendations, and advice on building connections and recharging your energy as an introvert. If you’re ready to stop trying to “fix” yourself and start thriving on your own terms, this episode is for you—listen in, celebrate your unique strengths, and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/274

Transcript

David Hall [00:00:00]:
Hello. Welcome to episode 274 of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host David hall and the creator of Quiet and strong dot com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts along with strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally we will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform, leave a review or a rating that would mean a lot to me and help others find the show. Check out this review the quality and variety of guests is impressive.

David Hall [00:00:45]:
Each episode is a welcome source of information and inspiration in the fight to affirm the value introverts bring to their teams and organizations. By attracting and uniting introverted professionals to share their journey and perspectives. On his podcast, David is serving as the hub of a community that needs to hear how introverts can succeed without changing who they are. You are doing great work David. Thank you so much for this review. It really does mean a lot to me. And remember, tell a friend about the podcast. Help spread the word that introversion is a beautiful thing.

David Hall [00:01:20]:
So the Quiet Strong podcast is all about the strengths and needs of introverts. And as I always say, introversion is not something to fix, it's something to embrace. Have you ever had someone try to fix you? Especially when they didn't understand your gifts and uniqueness? I know I have and it doesn't work. I've been given advice that would never work for me and it's so helpful instead to get to know the person and and how they operate. And you know, like many of you, I've tried to be something I wasn't. I tried to be different from my authentic self and it doesn't work very well. I know I'm happier, more successful, and more confident since I began to understand and lean into my gifts as an introvert. Hopefully you're feeling the same way.

David Hall [00:02:07]:
And I've had so many guests from different backgrounds and areas of expertise say the same thing. They've learned to lean into their introverted strengths and needs to create their own success, their own strategies. And these strategies may look very different from those of an extroverted colleague, a friend or family member. But I still run into many people who think introverts need fixing, as if introverts were simply defective extroverts. And my message will always be that we all have unique gifts, introverts and extroverts alike, and we don't need to change. Sometimes we need to change our own self awareness and our understanding in our belief system. But we don't need to change who we are, who we are authentically and often, you know, we need to come to our own self awareness, but also the awareness of other people in our lives and their personalities, their gifts, their needs. So the majority of my guests have been introverts, but I do welcome extroverts.

David Hall [00:03:08]:
Whether a guest is an introvert or extrovert, what matters most is that they have a correct understanding of introversion and extroversion and that they do not believe that we are broken because of our personality styles and preferences. So to this end I screen guess for their understanding of introversion and extroversion. You know, I might listen or read their content, read, review their websites, their social media posts, and often I have a chat with them before the day we're going to record on this show. We work too hard busting myths for anyone to come on and start to spread myths and misinformation about introverts. So I recently had such a pre chat with the upcoming guest who happens to be an extrovert. It was so refreshing to hear her understanding of introverts and extroverts and how we all bring different personality types into our lives at work. She knew the value of introverts she works with and what they bring in strength. I'm looking forward to recording that episode because it's exactly the contrast between an introvert and extrovert that helps us show why fixing introverts not only won't work, but but it isn't needed.

David Hall [00:04:27]:
The contrast can really shine a light on why the work of discussing introversion matters so much. Just recently, in episode 272, Dr. Lee Baucom, a marriage coach and therapist, author and founder of Save the Marriage and also the Save the Marriage podcast. On the show, Lee is an introvert with an extroverted brother. He shared some stories growing up about sometimes wanting to be alone in his room, which would drive his extroverted brother crazy. His brother did not understand and wanted to be with somebody, and stories like that from brothers and siblings often show how personality differences come to us quite naturally. Lee also shared a story about a long trip and a long conversation with his extroverted brother. Lee got to his point quickly, but his brother dragged the conversation on throughout the trip, only to tell him at the end that he agreed with Lee from the very beginning.

David Hall [00:05:26]:
As introverts, we tend to think deeply and share what we feel is most important in our conversations. Extroverts tend to share everything as part of the act of conversation. And neither way is right or wrong. It's, it's just different. Of course we need introverts and extroverts, and with that need comes the need for understanding again. We learn so much through contrast and comparison when it comes to our personality styles. You may have heard me talk about one of my favorite books on introversion, introvert power by Dr. Lori Helgo.

David Hall [00:06:04]:
I love the title because with understanding introversion comes great power. I also greatly benefited from her explanation that introverts make up at least half of the population. Before that I was hearing such numbers as one third. And what that means is with over half of the population being introverts, it means there's a lot of confident and outspoken introverts out there who might not fit someone else's false definition of introversion. And then I had the opportunity to have Lori and her extroverted husband Baron on the podcast. They were on episode 122 of the Quiet Strong podcast. And in that episode, Lori and Baron discuss how They've made over 40 year marriage work despite very different styles, including Lori being more reflective and Barron being more outgoing and action oriented. A major takeaway is that introverts and extroverts often misunderstand each other's communication and energy needs.

David Hall [00:07:02]:
But those differences can become strengths when each partner respects the other's wiring, you know. They also created a short podcast series called the Incompatibles, which is a great way to see these two brilliant people with different strengths interact. And they're, it's, it's awesome. So that was a family example, but I also had a great example of a working relationship with Todd Weinstein and Jen k in episode 173. Todd and Jen are partners in business and have learned to work very well together. That episode focuses on how Todd and Jen balance their different styles, especially Todd's more verbal, extroverted approach and Jen's quieter, more reflective approach. We can build great partnerships with different, often complementary personality styles, but that starts with our own self awareness and again, the awareness of others. So how do we get this self awareness you in the right place? By listening to the Quiet Strong podcast.

David Hall [00:08:05]:
There's some great books as I mentioned do Dr. Lori Helo has a great book, Introvert Power. You can also get my book Minding your Time, Time Management, Productivity and Success, especially for introverts. Another favorite of mine and a favorite of many guests on the show is Susan Kane's Quiet. Quiet was a revolutionary book. In fact, she created the Quiet Revolution and it really was a groundbreaking book that helped introverts understand themselves and realize that they are not just okay, they have wonderful gifts and strengths. Another powerful way to build self awareness is to take some assessments. Myself, I greatly benefited from the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and also cliftonstrengths.

David Hall [00:08:52]:
There are many others and I've taken a lot of assessments throughout my life. On the Quiet and Strong website under the Personality Assessment tab you can find the type vendor Personality Assessment. This will give you a four letter Myers Briggs Code. Of course, there's many more aspects to our personalities than just introversion and extroversion, but I focus on that distinction because there's still so much misunderstanding about the differences between these two halves of the population. Another thing I find unhelpful is when people talk about ambiverion, meaning that you're somewhere in the middle. And the way I hear it used is people say I'm okay because I have the best of both worlds. To this I would say for one, very few people are truly in the middle, whatever the middle means. I'm not sure we have different preferences and in psychology, preference simply means how you naturally behave.

David Hall [00:09:50]:
As an introvert, I tend to drift into my world of imagination more often than not. It's a great strength. I come up with innovative ideas and solutions. Of course, I do spend some time focusing on what's going on around me. That doesn't make me an extrovert. Doesn't make me an extrovert part of the time. Sometimes people use the word extroverted to describe specific behaviors. For example, I enjoy public speaking and podcasting and someone might say, oh, are you tapping into your extroversion? My response is no, I'm an introvert.

David Hall [00:10:25]:
I'll always be one. I've learned to prepare for things like public speaking and podcasting in my own introverted way. And I've learned strategies like managing my energy. I don't need to act like an extrovert. To me, saying an introvert needs to act or even pretend to be an extrovert implies that you're not being your authentic self. My message is that you can achieve whatever you want by being true to yourself and understanding your own strategy for success. You don't need to pretend to be an extrovert or place yourself sometimes on a continuum. I hear people say that, and again, when they say that, they're saying that they're okay.

David Hall [00:11:08]:
You know, they're not just that dreaded introvert, you know, that they're along some spectrum. And it's true that we're all different. We all have different personalities. There could be a spectrum, but what are you actually measuring? You know, so you don't need to place yourself on a spectrum. You just need to come to understand, what do I need? Where are my strengths? What are my unique gifts as an introvert? And the biggest question is always, what do you want? Are you getting what you want? If not, what changes can you make to get what you want? But the changes are going to be most powerful when you tap into your authentic self and not try to be something that you're not. So identify areas where you're having the success that you want already, and then also identify areas where you want to improve and start taking at least some gradual steps. You can be wildly successful as an introvert, but by developing your own strategies and not trying to compare yourself to somebody else. Along these same lines, we often discuss how introversion isn't shyness.

David Hall [00:12:19]:
If you use shyness synonymously with intro, introversion around me, believe me, I'm going to correct you. I'll be nice about it, but I'm going to correct you both. Introverts and extroverts can be shy. So by saying that introvert and shyness mean the same thing, it's not the right word. Extroverts can be shy. I know shy extroverts. But the beautiful thing is, whether you're a shy introvert or extrovert, you can get to know yourself, get to know your needs, get to know your strategies, check out the way you're talking to yourself, the beliefs you have, and you can overcome shyness and gain confidence and being outgoing and wanting connections, it doesn't make you an extrovert. It means you're human.

David Hall [00:13:10]:
We all need connection. There's very few people that want no human connection. As introverts, it's normal to want deeper connections or to interact one on one or in small groups. It's normal. Sometimes you may want to go to a loud party, and sometimes you may not. You might be happy to go to a loud party, but your extroverted friend outlasts you, which is absolutely fine. Again, what do you want? How are you going to get it? And don't let other people tell you what you want. And what do you need to recharge? Do you know that we all, as introverts, we need time to recharge, but we also need time for a lot of things.

David Hall [00:13:52]:
We need alone time to think, to plan, sometimes just to get some work done. You know, there's other factors in our personality as well. We've had several episodes discussing the highly sensitive person, or also known as HSP with expert guests. As a highly sensitive person, you're deeply in touch with the feelings of others in the environment around you. Great strengths come from this, but even as a highly sensitive extrovert, you might thrive in social gatherings, but you still need to recharge because you're so in tune with others in the environment that it can be very exhausting. So recharging isn't only for introverts. So be a proud introvert or extrovert, whatever the case may be. Get to know the different aspects of your personality and remember we are all a work in progress.

David Hall [00:14:49]:
What's next for you? What do you want to work on? We all need connection. Do you have the relationships you want? If not, that's something you can work on. Is there another area of your life you want to improve, such as public speaking or just being heard in meetings? You can improve in all these areas. Check out some of our previous episodes for strategies. Thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you. I hope you take the time to explore other episodes and learn from our amazing guests. Remember, if you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there is now a free Typefinder personality assessment on the Quiet Strong website.

David Hall [00:15:27]:
This free assessment will give you a brief report including the four letter Myers Bricks code. I will add a link in the show notes if this resonated with you. I'd love to hear from you. Reach out@davidquietandstrong.com or through the quiet and strong.com website. Let's keep the conversation going. As always, get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.